Page 24 of Full Split
“Hey baby,” she says, smiling and angling her cheek for me to drop a kiss. “I didn’t expect you home this early.”
“I’m headed back out,” I tell her, but sit next to her and steal the ice cream instead of going upstairs to get ready. “I have a date,” I say through a mouthful of cookie dough, slouching down in the seat and leaning my head on her shoulder. “What are we watching?”
She laughs. “American Horror Story. What time are you supposed to meet up with this date?”
I shrug and hold the ice cream back up to her. She shakes her head, gesturing for me to keep eating.
“What’s wrong? You aren’t nervous are you?”
“Nah, that’s not it. Just not sure I want to go, after all.”
Mom tilts her head to look at me better, and I angle my head up so she can see that I’m fine. I don’t want her to worry.
“So then why are you going?”
I huff out a humorless laugh. “Because I’m bored, and right now what I really want feels like such a long shot, it might not be a possibility.”
Her brows knit together. “Well, that sounds like bullshit.”
I lift my head off her shoulder and pull back, laughing for real now. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“Niles, you’re the most determined, capable young man I’ve ever met. There has yet to be even one obstacle you haven’t been able to overcome. If there’s something you want in this life, something you truly want, you’ll move mountains until you succeed. You always have.”
I smile faintly, but I’m sure it doesn’t reach my eyes. If only she knew what it is I really want. If she had any idea that it’s him. Wyatt Lincoln. My best friend’s dad, a man that has been there for me almost my entire life. A man she knows I’ve looked up to since I was a kid.
He’swhat I want more than anything.
Not just a relationship. Not just love. Everything. With him.
I want it more than any success, any praise, or medal.
More than Olympic gold, even.
I want to be his. Not just because I’ve tricked him into bed. Not just in secret, stolen moments when no one’s looking.
I want to wake up in his arms. To hear him say my name like it means something more important than a close friend or someone he feels responsible for.
I want him to choose me. Not just because he’s at the end of his rope, but because he truly wants all of me.
Being a toy is fun sometimes. Beinghistoy would be every fantasy I’ve ever had.
But I want more. I want the impossible.
I don’t say any of that out loud, of course. I just smile and nod and head upstairs to get ready for a date I know won’t fill the emptiness inside me.
Only he could fill me the way I need. Physically and emotionally.
I show up to the bar well after the time I was supposed to meet some guy named Jeff. I just couldn’t do it, and honestly I’m not sure why I’m here now. Just trying to get out of my head, I guess. But instead, I pick at the scab. I hang back in a dark corner and pull out my phone. Instead of opening the app I use to meet people with, I open my messenger and type out a text to Wyatt.
ME: How long before you admit it?
He answers surprisingly quickly, and I chuckle at the name I use for him in my phone. It started as a joke, mostly to taunt Weston about his hot dad. I’ve kept it because it’s funny, but also because I love to tease Wyatt with the nickname.
DADDY: What?
ME: That this is a thing.
DADDY: What is?
