Page 168 of Fixation
My limbs won’t move. My lips are parted. My pulse has slowed.
This is the most terrified I’ve ever been. The most aroused.
While fear cinched my lungs in a vise grip, I experienced the most intense orgasm of my life.
That climax has transcended words, descriptions, and titles. It shattered me. This heat, pain, love, andholy shit.
I’m confused and hurt and throbbing.
I’m alone. He’s left the room, saying he’d be right back.
Something that reminds me of concern trickles into my consciousness.
Anderson’s touch, his ruthlessness, his filthy mouth…I gave in to it. I was used and treated like an object. I was given the freedom to let go.
I let him have what he needed, and I loved every second of it.
He humped my mattress and unraveled for me. He came to me when he was feeling unsettled.
He’s himself, and yet…he isn’t. While I was napping, someone upset Anderson.
And out of everyone he could’ve gone to for help—nurses, doctors, his goddamn home gym—he came to me.
My chest tingles. My lungs feel too big for my body.
Dread joins this heady, fuzzy feeling.
Where is he?
Anderson promised he’d be back, but it’s been forever. Or seconds. Or days.
What if he doesn’t come back? This drug might keep me like this for an eternity.
His father was insane.
There’s no telling how long I’ll be here, unable to move.
People could break into my home. People who aren’t Anderson.
People who might’ve figured out what I mean to him. Who’d love to hurt him through me.
While Anderson is at work, he can’t check up on me on his phone.
They could be lurking out there, and as soon as he’s gone?—
Oh my God. Oh my God. I’ll be gang-raped. Sodomized. Murdered.
My breath turn erratic. Eyes darting across the room, I desperately try to wiggle my fingers. Toes. Nothing, nothing helps. I’m truly paralyzed.
Oh my God.
“There you are.”
Anderson’s voice shouldn’t be a balm to my panicked soul.
It should evoke emotions such as hatred and disgust.
Instead, relief gives me a surge of hope. Gratitude. He didn’t leave me to deal with this by myself.
