Page 50 of Stick With Me
I take her hand, still lingering on my head, and bring it into my lap. “I’m really okay. It looks worse than it feels,” I lie.
Her lips pull into an adorable frown. I chuckle at the concern etched on her face, but inwardly, I savor her attention, secretly enjoying her fussing over me. “How was your night?” I ask, hoping to take her mind off my injury.
“Have you ever done online dating?”
The question catches me off guard, sending a tight squeeze through my chest. I try to fill in the blanks of why she’s asking and what it could possibly mean. “Nah, not really. Why?”
“I created a profile tonight. Let the record show, it wasn’t my idea. I was practically bullied into it. Who knew grown women, friends even, could be bullies? Anyway, I agreed to go out with this guy I matched with,” she rambles, confirming my fears.
My heart feels like it’s dropped into my stomach. Since when is she ready to date? I thought I knew why she was hesitant after our kiss, but now I’m not so sure. I thought she didn’t want to be involved with anyone, but maybe it’s just me she’s not into.
“I didn’t realize you were ready to date.” I give voice to my thoughts.
She twirls her ring around her finger, her gaze on the quiet streets outside the window. “I’m not sure I am, but Natalie and Ada had some good points. It will be like a test run. I’ve been in a relationship so long that I’ve never really dated. It doesn’t have to be anything serious.”
I’m not sure if hearing it won’t be serious makes me feel better or worse. My fingers drum on the steering wheel. “Okay.”
“And he’s just a regular guy, not an egotistical jerk hockey player like Jace,” she continues, oblivious to my growing discomfort.
Ouch.What am I supposed to say to that? It’s like I’m not even on her radar. She knows me well enough to realize I’m nothing like him… right? Maybe she does know, and it still doesn’t matter.
Maybe I’m just not her type. My lips tug down at the thought as I run through the differences between me and Knolls. He’s someone she was obviously into, and we couldn’t be more different. The two biggest differences—aside from his obvious personality flaws—are status and appearance.
He has that classic all-American charm, the kind you’d expect in a high school yearbook labeled “Most Likely to Succeed.” Slicked-back blond hair, blue eyes, and a polished smile. Meanwhile, I’m the scruffier option with dark hair and brown eyes.
On top of that, Knolls is media-friendly, high-profile, and loaded. He’s a franchise player—someone around whom teams build their rosters. His family ties have clearly boosted his position, with his father serving as the commissioner’s second-in-command. I’m a solid player, but not a league superstar. And I havezeroinfluence.
I know Hannah isn’t into the fame and fortune, but it’s hard not to wonder if, deep down, some part of her was drawn to that package deal.
I thought, maybe, she felt something for me when we first met all those years ago, but then she ended up with Knolls. I thought she felt the same pull I did in Florida. That was why she kissed me, wasn’t it? Have I read this thing all wrong?
I thought this was our second chance, but the news she’s just dropped feels like a bomb, shattering all my carefully laid plans. I’ve spent so long thinking about how things went wrong the first time, all the missteps I made. But I thought my plan was foolproof this time around.
From the moment I met Hannah, I was instantly taken with her. She was beautiful, sure, but it was more than physical attraction. Being around her felt like home. Like I could let my guard down and be myself without having to overthink every word or action. It was a rare feeling for me.
Growing up in a broken home, where my father left to start a new life without us, fucked with my head. Despite my mom’s best efforts, I blamed myself for his leaving. I always felt like I wasn’t enough, like he needed to start over because I didn’t live up to whatever expectations he had. To this day, I still don’t know him or that side of my family. The last time I drunkenly Facebook stalked them, my half-brother had just graduated from high school. And I couldn’t help but wonder what was so special about him. Why did he get the father I never had?
What does this random guy on a dating app have that I don’t?
It’s hard to quiet the doubts my mind churns up, always questioning if I’m good enough, always second-guessing. Staying in the moment isn’t easy when you’re busy analyzing every little thing.
Which is why I hesitated back then. I figured I’d be her friend, take my time, see if there was really something more there. I made the mistake of telling Knolls about my crush, thinking he’d have my back, that “bro code” was a real thing. Nope. The moment he saw an opening, he took it. By the time I realized I’d been playing it too safe, I’d blown any chance I might’ve had.
Is the same thing happening again? Am I so cautious that I’m not giving myself—us—a chance? Fox’s words come back to me, and I once again wonder, should I be shooting my shot?
“Ryan?” Her soft voice breaks through my thoughts. “Did you hear me?”
“Huh? Sorry, what did you say?” I glance over at her as her brows scrunch in concern.
“I asked you what you thought…”
“About?”
“… my date?”
“What about it?” I ask, a little sharper than I mean to. I’m trying to keep my cool, but if I say more than a couple of words, all the shit I’m actually feeling about her going on a date might spill out.
I need a minute to process this before I jump to any conclusions and say something I can’t take back.I want her to be happy, I remind myself, even as my chest tightens at the thought of her finding that happiness without me.
