Page 64 of Good Girl's Guide to Love
Well, there is, and it’s the woman next to me. But I need to do a better job of keeping those thoughts at bay.
“I wasn’t the best student in high school,” I say, still not wanting to put a damper on the night with my sad sob story. “Gram did the best she could, but even back then, I had a reputation of using my fists to talk, so I was in detention more than I was in class. When I discovered football, that helped me a little, but even then, I was doing just enough to stay eligible.”
Ainsley doesn’t push or ask more. Most people would if I left things open like that. But not this woman. No, she just turns to me, her toned legs bent slightly as she listens intently to every word I’m saying.
“Because my grades were barely Cs, I wasn’t getting college offers. But there was nothing else I wanted to do. Trades didn’t appeal to me, and I knew I didn’t have the grades, or the focus, to do well in college, so my coach suggested junior college. Hehoped that in a smaller setting I could figure out what was next, and also use the time to get grades up where I could maybe head to college and play big-time football. God love that man for seeing a future in me that I never dreamed possible.”
“The good teachers and coaches have that way about them,” she says. “They see things in us that we never could.”
“He did. I went to a JUCO, got decent enough grades—and more importantly, stayed out of trouble—and after two years I made it to Mississippi State. And the grades might’ve been better, and I technically have a degree, but even with all that, it was still pro football or bust.”
My throat starts to tighten just thinking about the next part of the story. If I’m not ready to talk about my parents, I’m definitely not ready to talk about the incident that nearly ruined my entire life.
I don’t know if Ainsley can tell that, which I don’t know how she could, but thank goodness she takes the reins of the conversation.
“I get that feeling, it was nurse or bust for me,” she says. “I never went through a phase as a child when some days I wanted to be a teacher and the next day I wanted to be a space cowgirl.”
“Space cowgirl?” I tease. “I feel like that’s the most un-Ainsley thing to do. Zero gravity and horses?”
She laughs as my arm goes across the back of the park bench, like it’s the most natural thing to do. I try to tell myself it’s for the photographers that could be following us that Katie set up, but I know it’s a lie.
“Exactly. I could never. But luckily I didn’t have to think about it because the first time I put on my toy stethoscope, I wanted to be a nurse.”
I remember that feeling, only it was the first time I put a football in my hand. “What made you want to be a children’s nurse?”
“That I’m not sure,” she says. “I just remember being fascinated by it. I used to beg my mom to take me to the doctor, just so I could see my nurses. I’d try and tag along with my siblings when they had appointments. I was a volunteer at the local hospital the minute I was old enough. Being a pediatric nurse was all I ever dreamed of.”
“And look at you now. Living the dream.”
“Kind of,” she says. “It’s veered that now I’m in labor and delivery.”
“I still can’t believe you literally bring human life into the world,” I say. “I can’t be trusted to keep a plant alive. I’ve never even had a pet.”
“It’s amazing,” she says. “Though sometimes I do miss being in the units like the one I met you in.”
“You mean the one where you ran into me?”
She gives me another side eye, which I can’t deny is becoming one of my favorite looks on her. “Are you ever going to let me forget that?”
“Maybe, but not anytime soon.”
She playfully bumps her shoulder into me, and it takes all the willpower in the world in my body to not bring her into my side.
What is it about this woman? I know this is fake. My brain is saying it. No,screamingit. Yet, with every minute I spend with her, I can’t help but want to touch her. To get to know her.
Which is bad. So very, very bad.
“That day you came in, it actually reminded me of the reason I wanted to be a peds nurse. To give those kids hope and light when there are days that all they know is darkness.”
“I had to keep reminding myself of that,” I say. “I went through some shit as a kid, but them? Going through cancer or other sicknesses that run their lives? I can’t imagine dealing with that at such a young age.”
Ainsley’s eyes roam to look out over the river, which gives me a chance to sit here and take in just how fucking gorgeous she is. There’s a slight breeze, pushing her hair back off her shoulders. I don’t mean to, but my fingers can’t help it as they start slightly tracing lines along her back. She has to feel them, but she doesn’t say anything, instead just keeping her focus ahead.
“Teachers and veteran nurses told us in school that there would be hard days,” she continues. “I knew some patients were going to come in and weren’t going to leave. But nothing can prepare you for the first time you lose a child.”
“I can’t fucking imagine.”
“I couldn’t do it,” she says. “I wanted to, but it hurt too much. So that, combined with a horrible ex-boyfriend doctor who worked on my floor, it was an easy enough to decision to ask for a floor transfer.”
