Page 20 of Role Model
Come and find me! There’s one of me and an army of them. I don’t want to be on my own anymore. Please come and find me. I’m sorry, I don’t know why they make me say weird things. I think I trust them too much. They told me I wasn’t very good at certain things and I believed them. Now, I take every opinion to heart and I treat it like a fact. I shouldn’t do that. We shouldn’t do that. We matter, too. We. Matter. Too.
“I would say,” I speak slowly, which makes everything feel like it’s coming to a screeching halt75because gaps on television always seem bigger than they really are. “We matter. You matter. I matter. We’re important.”
I don’t know if it was the right thing to say, they don’t react very enthusiastically. They do smile. Then thank me for joining them. As they both swivel their attention away from me and back to the camera, I exhale. I just have to wait until the camera cuts away and then I can leave.
When it finally does, I’m ushered out of the studio as the news is still live on air. When I’m in the green room, Keren appears and she’s beaming at me and both of her thumbs are pointing up.
“Excellent, Aeriel. Just brilliant. Who knew you could smile like that, eh?”
I don’t know who I became on that sofa but whoever I was, whoever that girl was, she saved me. She swooped in and rescued me, determined to stop me from falling apart “Thanks.”
“Your mum called me, she caught it at the office. Said it was fab.”
I reach out my hand instinctively. “Can I talk to her?”
Her smile fades. “Oh, she had to go. It was just a quick one. Got to get back to work, Aeriel. She’s a busy woman.”
My hand sort of hovers in the air for a moment.76A bit defiantly. Refusing to give up. After a minute or two, I feel silly and so I let it drop. I follow Keren and Ilya to the lifts, after giving back the microphone pack.
“Who did you become in that interview, huh?” Keren asks me delightedly. It’s the first time she’s been nice to me. “You were a different girl!”
77
Chapter Ten
Fizz and I are walking around Camden while Ilya keeps a respectful distance.
“Point to anything you want in the stalls,” Fizz tells me, forcing herself to sound cheerful, “and I’ll buy it for you.”
I eye her with suspicion. “You don’t have any money.”
“For you, I do.”
A few people have recognised me. Fizz gently moves me away when they approach but some have taken sneaky pictures on their phones. I wonder about where those photos will go. I’ll never see them, I’ll just know they exist somewhere.
Fizz has a new piercing in her ear and is looking at the jewellery on display in the market. I fidget while she browses. I feel on edge, too watched.
“You’ve got a dance coming up at school.”
78I glance up at my sister. “How do you know?”
“I read the newsletter in your bag.”
“I don’t think I’m going.”
“Aeriel! Why not?”
I think of my friends who I don’t think are actually my friends but I’m too ashamed to tell anyone about that. “I don’t know. Don’t feel like being stared at all night.”
I expect her to debate me but she doesn’t. When I steal a glance at her, she looks angry. But it’s not with me.
“Mum is enjoying your press requests way too much,” she says stiffly. “Not to mention that awful Keren woman.”
“Mum never says anything to me,” I say quietly. “I hardly see her. She never tells me if I do well in the interviews or not.”
There have been a few interviews since the live one on the news. More producers called after it went so well. Most of them have been virtual conversations, with networks all over the world. The American ones all ask about my meeting with Cassidy. Keren says each one makes Mum’s approval rating higher. This means, I’m somehow making her more popular, which is important for world leaders.
I wish she would schedule five minutes in her79calendar to talk to me. A meeting in between talking to Japan and Canada.
