Page 38 of Role Model
The man is startled at the sight of me and I use his surprise to grab for the door. I’m out, in the slush and the soft fall of snow before anyone can stop me and I keep moving. I know if I stop, they’ll catch me.
I fly. I’m too nimble for them. I know she’ll have gone to The Strand because it’s easier to catch a taxi there, so I run. I’m usually a clumsy runner but, even147with the snow and the slush, I don’t trip. I don’t fumble.
I see her ducking into the back of a black cab. I reach it just as it’s about to drive away. I press my hand against the cold, wet glass of the window and call her name. She looks up, startled to see me. She opens her mouth as if to say something but the car pulls away. I chase after it for as long as I can, running alongside the great black beetle as it moves. But it’s faster than I am.
I’m vaguely aware of the Downing Street security team bustling me back into the house. I’m put in a hot bath and given soup. A small television is brought into my room and I stay there for most of the weekend. It is never discussed. It is never spoken about.
I find an illustrated copy of ‘The Tempest’ by William Shakespeare. One of the drawings shows Ariel, the fairy, reaching out to Prospero, the wizard who owns him. The wizard who won’t set Ariel free.
I read Ariel’s words in the dark of my room.
Before you can say ‘come’ and ‘go’, and breathe twice and cry ‘so, so’, each one tripping on his toe, will be here with mop and mow. Do you love me, Master? No.
A sad question after a bunch of nonsense. I stroke Ariel’s face on the page. I can never forget that line of the play. It’s what I think about when people ask me148why I’m called Aeriel.
Dad asks me on Monday morning if I feel like going to school and of course I don’t. I haven’t felt like going to school in months. My friends make me so anxious and afraid, going to school now feels like going to war.
But I refuse to hide. I let Ilya drive me there once more on Monday morning.
I’m ready to face the aftermath of my shutdown at the party. Knowing that, whatever awaits me, it won’t be pleasant.
149
Chapter Nineteen
Dr Mars is waiting for me when I arrive.
“I thought you could spend some decompression time in the SEN Space this morning? Instead of form time?”
And while every part of me has been brutally trained to reject any sort of help, I nod gratefully. She leads me there and Txai is already waiting. He looks at me with such sympathy, I feel a sudden flash of anger.
“So, you’ve heard about it,” I say stiffly, sitting down at the table and pulling some paper and pens towards me.
“Yeah,” he says. “A few people are talking about it.”
“You mean everyone is talking about it,” I correct, glancing over at Dr Mars. She’s by her desk, checking something on her monitor.
“Well, a lot of people were invited to Sable’s,” he150allows. “Not me, obviously.”
“You did not miss anything,” I say. “It was–”
I stop myself as a prefect suddenly enters the room, smiling at Dr Mars. He brings some papers to her and then drops a stack of posters on our table with a flourish. As he leaves, Txai pulls one towards us.
Winter Dance This Friday: 7pm. Dress to Impress!
I think of the lavender dress in my wardrobe.
“Oh, Aeriel, I was meant to let you know,” Dr Mars suddenly speaks and I glance up at her expectantly. “Your dad and your, erm, team? Is that what to call them? They called to say that there will be a film crew at the dance on Friday. They’re making a short film about you because of, you know, your public speaking. And I was to let you know.”
Txai makes a noise of distaste but I can only blink at Dr Mars in horror. “Don’t I get a say?”
Her eyes widen in surprise. “Your dad said it was okay when we spoke last week.”
I feel like screaming but I just grab a piece of paper instead. “Okay,” I mumble.
“So, Friday?” Txai says after a few moments of silence. “I thought… I mean, I don’t know. But. I thought maybe151we could go together?”
Dr Mars stops typing for a second but she quickly resumes, trying to pretend that she’s not listening to our hushed conversation.
