Page 12 of Unconventionally, Elle
You've got this, you've got this.
My stomach gurgled with anxiety, and I rubbed it gently.Quitting a job was definitely worse than test anxiety. I walkedtoward the elevator in the parking garage and kept repeating my mantra.You've got this, you've got this.
I stepped onto the elevator and hit the button for floor twelve. I held my elbows tightly as I tried not to bump into anyone else. I was surrounded by men and women playing the game of the daily hustle. My stomach turned when a woman in a blue blouse sprayed her citrusy perfume three times before getting on the elevator on floor three. She smiled and took a tight spot next to me and the doors. Behind me, a young guy with headphones was tapping his fingers on his leather portfolio. On the opposite side, next to the other set of buttons, was Chris Johnson. I wasn't sure if he noticed me when I walked on, but I didn't plan on bringing any attention to myself. He might be the last person I wanted to have a conversation with, though Mr. Landry was a close second.
The elevator went slowly, letting people off as it hit each floor. Blue blouse lady finally exited on the ninth floor, and headphones guy left on floor eleven.
Each ding was a reminder that I was getting closer and closer to releasing the tightness in my chest. It was going to be over soon. Chris never looked over at me, though the tension was thick and stuffy. By now, it was only us, so he had to have noticed it was me standing on the other side. He kept his eyes down, but his shoulders were rigid with a tense stance.
Ding.Floor twelve. Chris scurried off the elevator and turned in the direction of his office. He never looked back. I stepped out of the elevator in my blue satin Manolos, and even though I felt like Carrie Bradshaw, I channeled my inner Samantha Jones.
Chin lifted and shoulders back, I donned a smile and greeted my coworkers like normal. Anna, who'd been checking my emails while I was gone, looked up as I walked by and mouthed,Are you okay?
I gave her a quick wink and continued to my desk. I was repeating my resignation speech to myself as I walked past Mr. Landry's office and noticed he wasn't in yet. I smiled devilishly to myself, picturing his face as I gave him my resignation letter. He wouldn't be expecting me to quit. I had allowed him to treat me poorly over the years with no consequences. Sometimes he held my arm a little too long or talked down to me and said I was a good girl whenever I consented to take on more responsibilities that belonged to others in the office. I never wanted to notice it. I only ever wanted to keep climbing the ladder. Now, I wanted to burn it all down.
About an hour later, I walked up to Mr. Landry's office to check and see if he had arrived. Mr. Landry liked to arrive after everyone else, typically around nine a.m., so he was still settling into his office when I knocked on the heavy glass door. He furrowed his brow and rolled his eyes as he sighed and waved me into his office.
I took a quick breath and stepped over the threshold. "Excuse me, Mr. Landry. Do you have a minute?" I kept my tone calm and even, but I could feel my anxiety tingling throughout my body. The back of my neck was starting to sweat.
"Sure, Elle. But make it quick, I have a call with Mr. Calloway in fifteen minutes." He pulled his chair out from his desk and fell into it with an audible thud. He scratched his nose, took a deep breath, and leaned forward to listen.
I was standing right in front of his desk, trying not to shift my weight from one foot to the other like I usually did when I was nervous. My legs felt heavy and my tongue was momentarily paralyzed. Mr. Landry impatiently motioned for me to continue.
I clenched my teeth and tried to ignore the headache that was emerging with a fury. The letter was in my hand, burning to be submitted. Before he realized what I was doing and why I'd asked to meet with him, I handed him my letter of resignation.I almost forgot to breathe as his eyes scanned each carefully crafted line. I folded my hands neatly in front of my waist and forced my face to remain neutral. I was right about his reaction. I knew when he got to the part where I officially quit because his mouth dropped slightly and his nose crinkled in disgust. His shock was delicious.
"This is outrageous! You can't leave this office, Elle. You know this will put us behind next month--hell, the rest of the year--and with the Calloway account bound, who will help manage it?" Spit dripped from the corner of his mouth, and the vein on his forehead was pulsing.
In all my time at the office, I'd never seen him this angry. The one time our summer intern accidentally erased six months of files was a contender, but this took the cake. We'd been able to recover the deleted files, but Mr. Landry wouldn't be able to recover me. His anger was radiating in the room; my heart was pounding against my ribs, and my palms were getting sweaty. Confrontation usually sets off my fight-or-flight, and typically I prefer flight. I couldn't get away, though. I had to follow this through and stay composed.
"Sir, you said that the Calloway account is Chris's now. I hope that his team can manage the organization and daily tasks associated with it efficiently enough. Even if I stayed, I wouldn't pull my team aside to handle another person's book of business." I stood up a little taller and lifted my chin. My adrenaline was pulsing, and I waited as Mr. Landry grasped for any form of logic, anything to guilt me into staying.
He waved his hands and backpedaled. "Yes, yes, well, we were hoping you would be able to handle the organization and day-to-day once it was bound. You are so organized, Elle. We need your help keeping the others organized and on track. We need you. Remember how you helped everyone organize their emails and work more efficiently?" He looked up hopefully. Hiseyes were sliding back and forth, watching for any flicker of weakness on my face.
"Mr. Landry, with all due respect, I am not an assistant, and helping other people organize their accounts is not my responsibility." My voice echoed in my ears. I felt far away, floating, watching myself stand up to the man who'd made me question my very self-worth.
"Please accept my two weeks' notice." I gave him a stern look of finality.
He was still scanning me, thinking. He absentmindedly brushed his chin and then lifted his other hand. "Wait, wait. Elle, what if we gave you more money? We can promote you. How about vice president? How does that sound? Whatever it takes to make you stay, just write down a number and show me."
I wasn't sure if I should laugh or scream. He wasn't listening and I was getting annoyed. I was done with not being taken seriously.
"No, thank you, Mr. Landry." I gave him a fake grin and changed my voice to a lower, calmer pitch. "I appreciate your offer but will not be staying."
He sat back in his leather chair and folded his hands on his chest. "In that case, Elle, I need to know if you will be staying in the industry. What are your plans once you leave us?" His eyes had gone dark, his tone hard and cruel. A shiver went down my spine as he glared at me.
"I'm not sure, Mr. Landry." I smiled again, knowing it agitated him. He couldn't read me.
His mustache twitched and he sat up taller with authority. "Well, even so. I'm afraid we will not be able to keep you on for the two weeks. As a matter of company policy, we must protect our proprietary information in case you were to stay in the industry."
"I understand, sir." I nodded in agreement.
"We will pay you for your two weeks, but you must leave. Now. Please pack up your things." He pointed to the door and then quickly turned his chair to face his computer screen and began jabbing the keys on his keyboard.
When he looked away, I let my mask slip, and my lip curled in annoyance. The fact of the matter was that I had nothing to be annoyed about anymore. This man had just given me freedom, and paid freedom at that.
Don't let anyone know what you're thinking.Grandpa's advice drifted through my mind like a ghost haunting my memories.
I replaced my mask and took a calm breath. Lips pressed thin, I gazed directly at the side of Mr. Landry's balding head. "Absolutely, Mr. Landry. I completely understand."
