Page 19 of Unconventionally, Elle
I brushed my finger across the canvas. Two girls were holding hands. They wore long tan overcoats, and the blonde had her head resting on the brunette's shoulder. They--we--were standing in front of the Apollo Victoria Theatre in London. She'd even remembered it wasWicked.
After yoga, I grabbed a quick bite from a nearby sushi restaurant for lunch, but as I stood in front of my refrigerator hours later, I realized how pathetic it looked. One shelf had a carton of eggs, old almond milk, and ketchup. Without a doubt, my grandmother would have given me so much grief had she seen it.
Back on the couch with my computer heating up my lap, I decided to go on a mission to the grocery store. I scanned over some recipes from accounts on social media and made a quick grocery list on my phone. I went into my room and grabbed the closest T-shirt and a pair of leggings because there was no need to look cute. Nothing exciting ever happened at the grocery store. Next, I reached for my headphones, slipped on some white sneakers, and hurried out of the condo.
When I arrived, the produce section was packed. Granted it was five p.m., and my fault for coming at such a busy time, but damn, I couldn't even see the romaine lettuce. Apparently, everyone in Boston needed lettuce this evening.
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed someone standing to the right of me, and when I turned my head, I saw piercing blueeyes staring back. A flush of heat rose to my cheeks, and I quickly decided to look at the avocados on my left.
I looked back up when the stranger walked past me to pick out a bunch of kale. As he walked away, the smell of clean cotton and Christmas lingered in the air. This man, this stranger, was the epitome of gorgeous. His five-o'clock shadow lined his firm jaw, and his thick espresso-brown hair was well styled with a slight wave. My knees betrayed me just by looking at him. Those eyes, oh my God--I'd never seen such a crystal-blue color. A small shopping basket hung on his muscular forearm while he picked out his kale and some arugula. As if he knew I was looking, he glanced back at me with a playful grin on his face. Embarrassed that I had been caught staring (again), I grabbed an avocado and turned around to rush--but not too obviously--into the closest aisle.
Once I found sanctuary by the cereal, I brought my hands to my cheeks and tried to cool them down.Idiot, I thought.Why did you have to stare at him?Officially mortified, my attention went to my clothes. Holy shit, I forgot I was dressed like a college freshman, and to top it off, my bra was at home on the back of my desk chair. "Oh God." I groaned and rolled my eyes.
The most excitement I had expected at the store was a sale on avocados. A few minutes later, I snuck around the aisle and scanned the produce section. He was gone. I rushed to grab the lettuce and other vegetables I needed and walked with motivation to self-checkout. On the way, I grabbed a bag of quinoa off of an endcap, along with some Oreos. Thankfully, I didn't see Kale Guy again.
On the drive home, I was unable to shake the stranger from my thoughts--Kale Guy, as I had officially nicknamed him. He was gorgeous, sure, but I think what was really bothering me was that I hadn't noticed anyone that way since Jude.
17
Now
My days blurred together since I didn't have to go into an office anymore, but on therapy days, I found structure, if only temporarily. Before I moved to Boston, I'd cried to my longtime therapist, Tina, in our last NOLA session that I'd have to find another person, but she assured me I didn't have to worry about it because she would be able to get a license in Massachusetts.
"I made a friend today at my yoga studio." I fiddled with my fingernails as I waited for Tina to continue.
"Elle, that's fabulous news. What are they like?" Her eyes were bright with enthusiasm.
"Well, her name is Emma, and she reminds me of someone I've met, but I'm not sure who. I really don't know why, but she looks familiar for some reason. Anyways, she's sweet and was set up next to my mat after I got back from the restroom in class the other day. After class, she asked my name and we got to talking." I pushed my hair behind my ear and crossed my legs to get comfortable on my oversized couch, sinking into it, letting it cradle me in my anxiety.
"She sounds friendly. I'm so happy to hear you're finding new environments you enjoy and meeting new people. Does she seem like someone you would be interested in getting to know better?"
"Yeah, definitely! And, so like, okay, here's the thing. She works for a local magazine,Boston Social. I told her that I just moved here from New Orleans and was changing careers and that I'm a writer." It still felt odd to say I was a writer out loud. "Tina, she didn't even bat an eye! She accepted that as if it was totally normal."
Tina smiled and I continued, the excitement bubbling over into my words. "How could that be normal to her? It's still not even normal to me, ya know? She was literally like, 'Oh, that's so cool, you're so lucky.' I kid you not, I stared at her, waiting for the sarcastic remark."
"Did it come?" Tina asked.
"No, it didn't!" I raised my arms in a confused shrug. "In fact, she asked if I'd had any luck with my freelancing, and I told her a little. So she said to email her some of my work and she'd show her boss. Can you believe that?"
"That sounds incredibly kind and serendipitous. Why does it seem so hard for you to believe that a stranger wants to help you? This all sounds really good, doesn't it? She's showing a magazine editor your work--or I assume that's it, right?" Tina's calm voice echoed from my laptop's speakers. Even hundreds of miles away, she centered my thoughts and grounded my anxiety.
"Yes, that's right. The editor in chief, and then from what I understand, if she likes my writing style and the articles I've written, then she may offer me the opportunity to freelance for them."
"Elle, that's incredible. I'm so excited for you!" Tina's smile was contagious. I couldn't help but smile back.
"I don't... I guess I just didn't expect it. It's insane. Like, why? Seriously, why of all people did I run into her, and why is she so nice?" I stared past Tina's face and let my mind get lost in the nonsense of it all.
"Elle? Elle?" Tina was talking and I was completely zoned out.
"Sorry, sorry, yes?" I shook my head and looked back at my laptop.
"It looks like you got lost in thought. Where did your mind go just now?"
"Just how crazy this all is. What if the editor likes my stuff? What if I get this opportunity? Did I ever tell you what my real dream is?" I asked.
"No, tell me. What's your real dream?"
"I want to write a book. I don't want to freelance and report. I want to be an author and write stories and let my imagination go wild. I want my writing to impact my future readers and hold them, challenge them, but also make them feel safe." I closed my eyes and thought about all the books I'd read as a child that held me and kept me safe. Books were there when my parents weren't. Stories allowed me to believe in hope and love and magic.
