Page 34 of Unconventionally, Elle
Sarah:How are you feeling about the competition in general? I know you have until the end of the year, but this is a huge feat. Like, I'd be freaking out.
Sarah:p.s. I'm proud of you too.
Me:So, like, I have all the feelings, right? Nervous I won't really fulfill Grandma's legacy. Ya know, the one she could have had.
Rach:Wait, what? Oh shit, I forgot you told us your grandma won this competition. How weird (but in a good way) that you are entering the same one.
Sarah:Omg. It's fate. You're going to win.
Rach:You're creating your own legacy, girl. We believe in you.
Me:Thanks, guys.
Rach:But question, what happens if they don't pick you? What's your plan?
Me:It'll be a blow, that's for sure. If I don't win, then am I really good enough to have a career as an author and not just a writer? I haven't told you guys, but my savings could use a boost. If I win, that's $5K!
Sarah:I believe in you, Elle. I think you following this path is worth it, and you'll discover just how good of a writer you actually are. I may have been an art major, but I remember those killer articles you wrote in the Duke newspaper. Your gossip column was completely Carrie Bradshaw-esque.
Rach:Elle, why didn't you tell us about your savings? You know Sarah and I are here for you. The offer still stands, I can help you get a job, and instead of the financial sector, you can try publishing. You never know, you might like it.
Me:Yeah? I don't know. I don't want to discount myself yet. I'm going to see this competition through and pick up projects withthe magazine as often as they'll let me. This is so hard, but--and I don't know if this will make sense--it's not as hard as being miserable. I'm having fun.
Sarah:Totally makes sense. You're finding your happiness.
Rach:We're in your corner, let us know how we can support you throughout this process. We love you, Elle.
Me:You guys are the best. Idk what I did to deserve you.
Rach:So, one more question . . .
Me:Uh-oh
Rach:I'm not trying to be mean or to tell you what to do, but Sarah and I have seen you lower than low when it comes to Jude and being half in, half out with him. If you're seriously interested in Kale Guy, I think you need to give him 100% of you and let Jude go.
Sarah:Rach, not now. Let her be happy, she's going on a date tonight.
Rach:No, no, I just want to say that whenever Jude was (or is) kind of in your life, it doesn't typically end well. You get hurt. We don't want you hurt again, we don't want that darkness to come back into your life...
I studied Rachel's text message. I knew she was right, but also, I didn't want to care. I was going on a date with Barrett, not Jude. I was allowed to text Jude and be friends; it was mature. I got help with that darkness; I had Tina now. Back then, I didn't have the resources, I didn't have a therapist who cared, and I didn't know I could make it out.
Sarah:I think she's right, Elle. Either he's in or he's out. You were never able to balance both with Jude.
I stared at my phone and felt the familiar tightening in my chest and anger rising in my throat.
Me:Jude has a girlfriend. It's fine, guys. It's all fine.
Rach:Famous last words.
"Finn, I don't know what to wear!" I was standing in my closet pulling out outfits for my date with Barrett in a few hours. Most of them ended up on the floor.
"Elle, he already saw you in boxers and a ragged old T-shirt--oh wait--twice." Finn winked. "I think you'll be fine in anything you want to wear. He didn't ask you on a date because of your outfit choice." He smirked, so I threw the next dress at his face.
"Violence! Abuse!" he yelled playfully as I threw another dress at him, laughing.
"Finnnnn, seriously. Which do you like better? I think I've narrowed it down." I held up a navy-blue dress with a scalloped neckline in my right hand and a dark emerald-green dress with an open back in my left.
"Ohhh, I love, I love," he said as he evaluated both dresses. "I'm really in love with the green dress, though. It's sexy but not trashy. You'd look like a model in that dress."
