Page 73 of Unconventionally, Elle
"And you two . . . are rude . . . as fuck," I joked.
Sarah sat down next to me on the train and took a deep breath.
"God, I don't even remember what it's like to celebrate New Year's without kids," she panted.
"Well, honey, there's no better time to remember than NYE in NYC," Finn said with a flirtatious smirk.
We all laughed as the train started moving. In three and a half hours, we'd be in New York, and I wouldn't be alone for New Year's Eve. I only wished that Barrett would be there with me.
42
Five years ago
Jude's flight was leaving at four p.m. We'd stayed up late the night before, and that last time in bed with Jude had felt like goodbye. We had to savor every kiss and every touch because this was the last time we'd be in our bed in our apartment in New Orleans.
When I kissed him goodbye this morning, he was expecting me to meet him at the airport after work. We talked about me going with him to see the city, to our new place, and to get acquainted with our new environment. He said he even had some finance contacts who could help me with interviews.
My mind wasn't made up, and he was treading lightly about my decision. He never tried to force me to give him a straight answer, but I could feel his anticipation. Fear was overwhelming me; I didn't want to start over.What if I can't find a job that pays as well as the one I have now? What if it takes me months to find a job? What if we break up once I get there? What if...?
I loved Jude, but I couldn't stand the idea of having no purpose. What was my worth if I mooched off him because Ididn't have a job or an established reputation? Leaving my job now would be career suicide.
It was two o' clock, and I was sitting in my office looking out at the Crescent City Connection bridge and the Mississippi River. I could still make it.
At the thought of getting on the plane, deep anxiety consumed me. I didn't want to leave. We'd have to figure this out. He'd understand; we just had to figure this out. I leaned sideways and turned on my shredder.
As I watched my plane ticket shred into hundreds of strips, my heart ripped apart along with it.
I texted him as he was supposed to be boarding.
Me:I love you, I just can't.
Jude:I understand, I just wish you'd chosen us. I thought you were mine, but something else has stolen you away.
Jude:I'll always love you. I just want you to be happy.
Me:I don't know how . . .
Jude:You'll find your way, Elle. I love you.
I couldn't respond. He was gone.
He chose himself. I chose myself.
We both chose our careers.
43
Now
After dinner, the four of us went out on the city. Around 10:30p.m. we made our way to Tightrope, an exclusive club that Finn's friend was able to get us into. It was the place to be if you weren't at a house party or the touristy Times Square.
I had on a Badgley Mischka two-tone metallic sequin dress with my brunette hair in a high curly ponytail. My silver stilettos sparkled against the club's vibrant atmosphere. Sarah was wearing a black sequin dress with black strappy stilettos. The boys were in black suits with a pop of flair. Finn had paired a glittering gold bowtie with his tailored black suit, and Jackson had opted for a sparkling silver one. When we entered the club, we were given 2023 headbands and accessories to celebrate the new year. I was overwhelmed with excitement.
My book was done. I wasn't thinking about winning or losing tonight, I wasn't thinking about my future as a mother or stepmother or wife or unpublished author. All I could think about was how lucky I was to have friends like these three and, of course, getting on the dance floor as quickly as possible.
Finn's friend went above and beyond in providing us with a luxurious experience. We had a reserved booth just for us and bottle service for the entire evening. It wasn't cheap sparkling wine either. We had Dom and Veuve spread out before us.
"What is this liiiiife?" I shouted across the table to Finn.
