Page 81 of Unconventionally, Elle
I grabbed my laptop and sat on the bed next to him so that I could work on some freelance work and be close to him. I'd missed him and hated his empty side of the bed. Louie was only snuggable until he started farting, then all bets were off for a good night's sleep.
This morning started off like any other day would for us. I made the coffee, Barrett drank it with me on the couch, and we put onSportsCenter. We still hadn't talked about the baby or Margaret, and unfortunately, reality couldn't be avoided. Her appointment was in three days.
"I know this is a bit of a touchy subject...," he said after a deep sigh.
I was sitting sideways on the couch with my legs over his lap. Just by the tone of his voice, I knew the conversation we'd been avoiding was finally here.
"... but Margaret's appointment is on the seventh. I've been thinking about it, and I really think I should go with her."
I kept my face blank.Breathe, Elle. Breathe, I said to myself. "Okay." My voice was flat, and I saw Barrett's lips tighten and his jaw twitch.
"Okay?" he mimicked, irritated.
"Yeah, that's fine. I mean, you have to go, right? It's your baby and all, and you're going to go anyways." The first punch was thrown, and my petulance was unmistakable. Why did I feel like I had to fight with him? I guess I was still wrapping my head around the whole situation. I knew this was the conversation that could break us. Actually, I was fucking angry.
I saw the frustration transform his face. His brows pinched together and his eyes narrowed. "You know, Elle, it would be a lot easier if I knew you were behind me in this." His blue eyes pierced through my offensive attitude.
Jude flashed across my mind.Stop it! No, I thought as the memory of his lips hovering over mine made my spine tingle.
"Barrett, it's not easy for me at all. I already told you how I feel about this situation, and I'm trying to accept it. But it isn't going to happen overnight. Accepting this is compromising a piece of myself, and really, I promise I'm trying to support you in any way I know how, but I'm not okay with this. I'm not okay with another woman having your child. I'm not okay with it being Margaret. I'm not okay."
"What are you saying, Elle?" His voice changed. He was corporate Barrett now. Firm, unbreakable, stoic.
I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.
Jude:Elle, call me. Please.
I hesitated. What could this be about? He never texted me out of the blue.
Jude:Please. It's Mom.
Barrett was glaring at me, waiting for me to answer his question.
"I... I don't know. Okay? I don't know what I want," I said, distracted. He scoffed and I held up my phone. "I need to take this, okay?"
His facial muscles tensed, a mixture of shock, confusion, and frustration.
"You can't be serious?" he began, but I was already standing and walking to the bedroom, calling Jude.
"I'm here, Jude." The words fell out of my mouth as soon as I heard his voice on the line.
He was sobbing.
"Jude, Jude, what's happened?"
"My mom, Elle. She passed away this morning." His sobs were messy and raw. I felt the familiar pit in my stomach.
"I'm coming, Jude. Okay? I'm coming. Send me your address."
A few moments later, I had his address and a plan to get to NYC. Barrett, the baby, my future, my book--none of it mattered to me right now. Ava, Jude's mother, had always had a special place in my heart. She'd stubbornly refused to believe her son and I didn't love each other.
I walked into the living room, and with all the power I could muster, I looked at Barrett and held back my tears. "My friend's mother passed away. I told him I'd come." A tear escaped and trickled down my cheek.
Barrett saw my flushed face, and his features softened. "Okay, okay yeah. Where are you going? Do you want me to come with you?"
A small grin crossed my lips. "No, it's okay. I appreciate you offering, though. I'll be okay." Another tear fell. I rubbed my cheek with the back of my hand and sniffled. "We can, um, finish the baby conversation later?" I said, trying to offer an olive branch. "I promise to try harder at understanding, okay?"
He gave me a soft, tired smile. "Okay, yeah. Sounds good, Ellz. Oh, but hey, where is your friend? Are you going to be home tonight?"
