Page 8 of Falling for the Mountain Man
Not that it matters. I can’t fix a shirt, let alone know where to start to fix whatever the result of crossing the line.
4
Zaria
I think Kallie knows.
The look she gave me when she caught what almost could’ve been a kiss, there was something in her eyes. Something that’s been weighing down on my chest since.
I can’t be greedy and reach for what I want, not without risking losing something too good.
The situation I’m in feels like a lose-lose. I risk losing my best friend if she’s disgusted by the idea of me getting closer with Ryder. Then, I’ll have no reason to stay in her life, resulting in my drifting away from the West family.
If I don’t chase after the hope that he might feel something for me, then I’m going to have to continue this game of crushing my feelings and pretending I don’t feel anything.
“Kallie?” Whispering her name, the air mattress I’m sleeping on groans beneath my weight as I shift to sit up.
After eating a full meal, she declared she was calling it early. Now, while she’s resting so peacefully, I’m unable to do the same.
She doesn’t respond, not even her breathing shifts.
I want to bring up the topic and explain my side of things. Maybe if she understands that I truly want Ryder, that this isn’t some kind of spur-of-the-moment kind of thing, then maybe…she’ll understand.
She has to understand. There has to be a way for me to get what I want without losing everything.
Trying her name once more with the same result, I groan under my breath and consider lying back down.
Tomorrow, we’re going back to Arizona. Already, this trip has felt like a blur. Why couldn’t all of this have happened during our winter break? At least then, I would’ve had weeks to prepare for this kind of talk.
Everything would’ve been easier if he’d just not leaned in and gotten my hopes up.
With not an ounce of exhaustion in my body, I get up. Silently, I leave her room and enter the dark hall.
It doesn’t take long before I’m seeing a hint of light. Following it, I’m led to the dining room.
Ryder’s sitting at the table, surrounded by his laptop, some papers, and a cup of coffee. The steam smells like hazelnut, and I can’t tell if it’s the drink that’s making my mouth water, or the man himself. With his back to me, I take in the broad state of him.
It’s no surprise that he’s a wall of muscle. Even if he has been stationed behind a desk since I’ve known him, he still must spend plenty of time keeping his body in shape.
I’ve never seen a man like him. While Kallie is trying her hardest to meet someone back at university, I couldn’t find someone like Ryder even if I searched in every nook and cranny.Not that it matters, I wouldn’t waste my time looking for something second best, not while I have him right here, all the way in Montana.
Walking forward, I creep across the floor without making a sound. Hovering behind, one look over his shoulder shows that he’s writing out emails. Next to him, a notepad with handwriting only this man can read. Breathing in, he smells like the bar of soap in the shower. Must’ve slipped in after dinner.
He smells really good.
“It’s kind of late, isn’t it?”
My question makes his shoulders jerk and his head turn toward me. So close,I’mthe one stumbling back a foot.
“Can’t sleep?” Somehow, I keep my voice steady despite having only a couple of inches of space between us. “Everything alright?”
He turns back, his fingers returning to the keyboard. “Yeah, just trying to get work done. It’s the only reason I got away with playing hooky today. Tomorrow, too.”
I stir where I stand, unsure if I should drift to the living room so I don’t distract him, or if he’d let me sit at the table.
I can’t believe how much I’m starving to share the same space as him. Embarrassingly enough, I’d get comfortable on this man’s lap if he let me. Only then would my inner needs be satisfied.
“Some coffee is left in the pot if you’re thirsty. It won’t help you fall asleep, but it helps alleviate this restlessness. I’m assuming you’re on edge about leaving?”
