Page 4 of Heartwood and Hardware
The page loads with a photo of a man standing next to an enormous wooden bear. He's tall, broad-shouldered, with a serious expression that softens around the eyes. His bio mentions specialties in fantasy creatures and wildlife sculptures, with a note that he'll be demonstrating techniques throughout the weekend.
I find myself studying the image longer than necessary. There's something compelling about the contrast—this rugged man creating these intricate, almost delicate details in wood. The article mentions he also carves miniatures, showing a photo of tiny foxes that fit in the palm of a hand.
My alarm chimes—the one I set to remind myself to go to bed before sunrise. I close the browser, save my code, and shut down my computer. As I brush my teeth, my mind drifts between worry about the panel and curiosity about the wooden foxes.
By Friday night, I'm a mess of contradictions: excited about sharing my knowledge on the panel but dreading the social aspects, proud of my latest coding project but convinced I'll somehow mess up the explanation, wanting to make connections but terrified of saying the wrong thing.
I've been coding for hours, losing myself in the familiar comfort of logic and structure. Here, every problem has asolution. Every error can be fixed. Unlike conversation, where there's no debugger to tell you exactly where you went wrong.
My phone buzzes again. It's Jamie, my best friend since college.
Jamie
Final panel prep check-in! How's the anxiety level?
I consider lying, then remember Jamie can read me like clean code.
Riley
Currently at DEFCON 2. Contemplating "accidental" food poisoning.
Jamie
No way. You've been looking forward to this for months. Your talk on ethical algorithms is going to blow minds.
Riley
Or put everyone to sleep.
Jamie
Impossible. You literally made ME interested in data structures, and I'm a history teacher.
I smile, remembering Jamie's patient attempts to understand my thesis project.
Jamie
Have you packed your comfort items?
Riley
Yes. Noise-canceling headphones, fidget cube, emergency Kit Kat.
Jamie
Good. And remember, you don't have to stay for the whole thing if it gets overwhelming. Your only obligation is the panel itself.
This is why Jamie gets me. No "just push through it" or "you'll be fine once you're there." Just practical support and permission to protect my boundaries.
Riley
I know. I've already planned my escape routes.
Jamie
That's my girl. Text me when you're done tomorrow. I want a full report, including any cute nerds you meet.
Riley
