Page 31 of Fractured Hope
I let out a contented sigh. “That was amazing.”
Rolling onto my side so I could snuggle in closer, I traced my good hand over the curve of his hip and across his abs, hoping to return the favor. I tickled my fingers over his happy trail, then dipped into the top of his waistband. The head of his dick was poking out of his underwear. I wanted to wrap my hand around that length and make him feel as good as he’d made me feel, but he caught my fingers and brought them to his lips for a kiss before gently nipping my index finger.
Looking up at him, I worried I’d done something wrong.
“This was for you.” He smiled and linked our fingers together. “You deserve to be cherished, Bodhi. Don’t worry about me, just rest.”
My face flamed as he leaned down to kiss me, so sweetly and reverently that I didn’t know what to think.
Another first—I always had to reciprocate. Usually, I was the one left hanging and I hated it.
We lay cuddled up in contented silence for a while. My mind began to take over. I could feel myself beginning to spiral.Why didn’t he want me to reciprocate? Did I do something wrong? Was he not really attracted to me? Did he feel sorry for me?
I’d gone from the most amazing orgasm of my life to questioning everything.
Why?
Why did my brain do this?
I would have thought Atticus had fallen asleep, if not for his arm tightening around my waist.
“What’s wrong? Was that not okay?” He pulled back, looking hesitant. “I could feel you stiffening in my arms. Did I do something wrong? Did I overstep?”
He looked sick with worry, and it added to my own anxiety and insecurities. I burst into tears. I was so overwhelmed with everything we’d just done, his heartfelt words, his obvious care, my feelings and emotions, and now he thought he’d donesomething wrong. How could I make him understand how much he’d helped me and how much I was beginning to care for him? It was all so foreign to me that I didn’t know how to process it.
“I’m so sorry.” Sitting up in alarm he took in my tear streaked face. “Oh my God, what did I do?” he mumbled, then ran his fingers through his hair. He tried to get off the bed. I quickly reached out and snagged his wrist.
“Please, don’t leave.” I hiccupped. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” I pulled on his wrist, getting him to come back down to me.
“But you’re upset.” He stood frozen, one knee still on the bed while leaning away from me looking wrecked.
“Overwhelmed,” I corrected. “Please, please stay.” I tried to get myself under control so I could try to explain. I gently pulled on his wrist. This time he came easily, lying back down next to me. He propped himself up on his arm and watched me... with regret? I hated that I’d put that look on his face.
Taking a fortifying breath, I braced myself and stared up at the ceiling. I couldn’t face him and talk at the same time.
“No one has ever treated me like you do. No one ever really cared aboutjust me. It’s overwhelming. Please understand, it’s wonderful, but so foreign to me.”
Bracing myself, I prepared to be honest because Atticus deserved it.
“I bounced around foster homes until I was fifteen, then ended up in a group home. No one really cared about anything we did as long as we stayed out of trouble and were in bed by curfew. When I aged out, I was sent on my way, with no care for where I landed. I was just told to grab my things and leave. If I hadn’t worked my ass off and gotten a scholarship to college, I wouldn’t have had anywhere to go. I would’ve been left on the streets.”
He let out a sharp breath but didn’t say anything.
“Then college was a whirlwind of chaos and independence until I met Derek, freshman year, at a Police and Law enforcement recruitment event on campus. He was my only relationship. I’d never had a boyfriend. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was nineteen when I moved in with him. I thought he cared about me. I thought he loved me, or I did until the first time he hit me. He’s nothing like you. You’re so selfless. You took in a complete stranger. No questions asked. My foster families didn’t even do that, and they were paid. Then there’s your family and this town. You are so lucky to have such a loving family. I’ve never seen a functional family except on TV, and to get to know yours has been wonderful. I can see how much you guys love each other. How can I ever fit in? I’m not like you guys.”
My breath was coming fast, my palms were sweating, and I was nauseous with worry. Would Atticus understand where I was coming from? What would he say?
Atticus reached out and turned my chin with two fingers so that I would look at him. He grabbed my good hand in his.
“You’re wonderful, Bodhi. You’re kind, clever, smart, and beautiful, inside and out. I’m sorry you’ve never experienced a loving family or common human decency. With everything you’ve been through, you’re just so strong. You left Derek, and you’re making a new life for yourself. I am in awe of you.”
I blinked stupidly at Atticus. “You’re what...?” My face heated. “I’m not strong. I stayed for years.”
“But you left.”
“After a year of planning, scrimping, and saving.”
“You still left. You should be proud.” Atticus brought my hand to his mouth and kissed the back. “You’re a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
