Page 11 of Fractured Grief
I blinked stupidly at him, waiting for my brain to catch up. What was with all the young, unique-looking men around here? “Nah, I th-ink it’s okay. I’d been t-told this would hap-pen, but fuck, it hurts m-more than they imp-lied,” I said through clenched teeth.
“You sure? They might be able to give you some medication or help massage the muscles to ease the pain.” He looked so worried.
“If I don’t m-move, it seems better. So-o-rry… if… I woke you,” I panted.
“No worries. I was reading. It feels like all I do is sleep, so even if you did wake me, I wouldn’t have minded.” His lips lifted in a small smile. “I’m Alfie, by the way. It’s nice to meet you officially. We’ve been in this room together for a week or so and haven’t met, so hi.” He gave me an awkward little wave-salute thing, with dancing fingers, that made me crack a smile, which turned into a groan as I shifted.
“Damn it. This is so frus-s-trating.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was trying for distraction and to coax a smile out of you,” he chuckled. “So, Itake it you’re Sebastian.” He pointed at the whiteboard by the door that had our names written on it.
“Seb, but yep, th-at’s me. N-nice to meet you. S-sorry, if I was st-aring, I d-didn’t expect you.”
“Let me guess, you only saw my white hair and name, so you presumed elderly, right?” he said, still smiling. “It happens all the time. Don’t worry about it. I have albinism, so I’ve been blessed with these fabulous white locks since birth.” He flicked the strands over his shoulder in a dramatic gesture that I couldn’t help but chuckle at.
“How old are you? You’ve g-otta be younger than m-me.” Not engaging my brain-to-mouth filter. “S-s-orry, that was r-ude. You don’t have to a-answer that. My f-filter malf-functions when I’m in p-pain.”
He barked out a surprisingly deep laugh, “No worries. I rarely have a filter, so you’re in good company. Let’s say, looks can be deceiving. I’d say we’re closer in age than you’d think. I’m thirty. You?”
“Huh, g-uess you’re r-right, I’m thirty-two.” I scratched my beard, trying not to move too much. “You intro-d-uced yourself as Alfie. Is Al-f-fred your full name? That’s w-what Levi, c-called y-o-ou. Said you w-were a c-character. That we’d g-et along. I think he was try-ing to put m-e o-o-ff on the age f-ront.”
“Ha! That sounds like Levi, the troublemaker. Yes, Alfred is my full name, but it ages me more than my hair does, so Alfie it is. I see Levi, too. He’s great. I was so glad I got assigned to him. It makes things easier forme.”
“I know w-what you me-ean. I had an old dr-rone before, where I was nothing b-ut a number. I don’t th-ink I made much pro-gress until I st-arted seeing Levi.”
I shifted ever so slightly to reach the bed adjustments and sit up so we could continue our conversation. Thankfully, the burning had passed, and now it was a twinging ache, but one I could deal with and was sadly used to at this point.
“So, w-where you f-rom, Alfie?” I stammered, getting tired. Our conversation flowed easily, and Alfie didn’t even comment when I had to switch to my whiteboard to continue. Although he did have to put on his glasses, which he said he hated, he was happy to do so for afriend.
The next few weeks became a constant rotation of therapies, strength training, therapeutic massage, and exhaustion.
Every day I was getting stronger. While I still had a long way to go, I felt better about myself and the independence I was slowly gaining. I only had another week or so here before I had to move back home and either commute or opt for home visits. I didn’t like to think about the cost, butsince I still couldn’t drive and didn’t want to put my family out, home visits seemed like the best and most convenient option for my therapies.
Thankfully, Levi worked at another practice outside the hospital two days a week, and he was open to transferring my care there. He also offered telehealth sessions when I couldn’t get to the clinic.
Today, Ma was coming to visit and meet with my occupational therapist, Judy, to discuss any changes that needed to be made to the house to prepare for an easier transition.
Being told I wouldn’t be able to go home unless I had someone to stay and help me was a shock I was still wrapping my head around. I’d always been fiercely independent, and having a live-in babysitter or needing to move back in with Ma affected me more than I’d care to admit. I loved my Ma, but for the sake of my sanity, I didn’t think I could move back home for long. I needed space. I needed solitude.
I would’ve asked Atticus, but he was still in the sickening honeymoon phase with his boyfriend, Bodhi, and I didn’t think he wanted me raining on his parade. There was no room at Lyric and Kay’s, and Theo was either on campus or at Ma’s. I could stay with Yaya, but she was at Ma’s more than she was at her own cottage, and her place was small. Way too tiny for my giant frame.
It seemed like moving home was my only option, which had put me in a funk. Even after my weekly appointment with Levi, I still couldn’t shake the looming darknesssetting in. Ma would go above and beyond to take care of me and change everything in the house, but each time I thought about staying there, I felt like I was a little kid again. It wasn’t Ma’s fault. I just felt out of place and like a burden, slowly sucking the life out of the people near me. I also feared my new anger might flare, and I would never want Ma to catch the brunt of that.
My phone ringing startled me out of my thoughts.
My family had been great about calling and checking in on me regularly, but I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone right now. Glancing at the phone, I saw it was Lyric. Of all my brothers, he seemed to be having the hardest time with everything, so I felt guilty not answering. I quickly called him back.
“I didn’t wake you, did I?” Poor guy sounded stressed, nothing like his old carefree, mischievous self.
“Well, hello, t-to you, t-too. No, I’ve be-e-en up for ages. It’s hard to g-get sleep in a b-bed I don’t fit i-in,” I grumbled. That was another issue with having to move home. My old bed at Ma’s was too small, and I missed my custom-made bed and extra-large bedroom.
“That sucks, bro. I ah...”
“Are you o-kay?” The way he spoke put me on alert. “What hap-p-pened?”
“Everyone’s fine. I wanted to run an idea by you. Ma’s coming to visit you today to go over things you’ll need to come home, right?”
“Y-yeah, why?”
