Page 19 of Fractured Grief
Was he being abused? Was his sunny demeanor a mask? Was he unsafe at home?
I wanted to know so much more about him.
My thoughts bombarded me.
There was a magnetic presence about him. I wanted to protect him. I wondered if it was because he was so much smaller than me, almost delicate, but that wasn’t it. There was something else there.
Wait a sec... Did I have acrushon Indy?
I wanted to be near him.
To watch him smile or, better yet, be the cause of that smile.
Butterflies came to life in my stomach when he laughed... Hmmm... I’d never had a crush on a man. Even though Indy was petite, there was no doubt he was a man.
I didn’t know what to do with this realization. Having only had one girlfriend in high school and no interest in “hooking up” like my classmates, I never thought anything of it. Emily and I dated for over three years, breaking up only after the distance became too much when she went to college. We talked regularly and caught up every now and then. She was still a close friend even though we weren’t in a relationship anymore, and I’d never thought much of that, either, until now.
I hadn’t seen or been interested in anyone since her. And that was almost eleven years ago. Wow, no wonder Ma, Lyric, and even Theo had been hounding me to get out more. Clubbing or hook-up apps weren’t my scene. Maybe I should talk to Atty. He’d always known he was only attracted to guys. Maybe he could help me with my lack of desire for anyone until now.
Or maybe that was too weird.
Atty and I were the most similar out of the four of us, but that didn’t mean we needed to know about each other’s sex lives—or lack thereof. I’d had no real desire to be with another person since Emily, and my right hand worked just fine when the need arose. I felt things stirring when Indy and I were close, but I honestly didn’t even know if my dick still worked with all the pain and medications flooding my body.
Thinking back over my interaction with Indy, there had been a few times where my dick had twitched. Was my body trying to tell me something my mind couldn’t comprehend? I was more than attracted to Indy. Were late-blooming sexual awakenings a thing?
Could I be with a guy?
This was all so weird. I finally fell into a fitful nap. My brain swam with Indy, attraction, and his sunshine smile.
Today was the day. I was going home. I was finally getting back to my life.
Ma and Theo were on their way to pick me up, and I was packing up the last of my stuff when Alfie rolled in. I still couldn’t believe Alfie was thirty.
“Morning! So, today’s the day you’re being sprung! How do you feel?” he asked.
“Mixed feelings.” Alfie had seen me at my worst; he knew I could be gruff.
“Come on. You’ve gotta think of the positives. You’ll finally get to sleep in your own bed and get to eat all the delicious food your Yaya is cooking for you. That’s got to be worth a little positivity, right?”
There was something about his endless optimism, even in light of all that had happened to him, that he could give anyone around him a boost.
“I g-guess you’re right. I’ve been craving Yaya’s slow-roasted lamb for months.”
“Way to make me jealous, dude! I’d love a home-cooked meal or anything other than hospital food,” he said with a breathy chuckle.
“How much longer do you have? Maybe we can host a feast for you when you’re f-ree.” I’d come to value his friendship over the weeks we’d been stuck together. He had a way of growing on you, whether you wanted a new friend or not.
“Not for a while, but I do hope you’ll keep in touch. Don’t forget about me now that you’re free.” I caught his forlorn expression before he quickly turned away and moved from his wheelchair to his bed. I didn’t know much of his story, but no one had come to visit him that I’d seen. He was so kind and radiated happiness. How could he have no one in his corner?
“There’s no way in the world I could forget about you. My ninety-year-old roomie.” He thought it was hilarious that I’d thought he was elderly just by his hair color. He’d given me grief about it, and I’d ribbed him back just as much.
“I look absolutely fabulous for my age, thank you very much.” He gave me a wink. “You’d be lucky to look this good.”
“Hey, now,” I put my hands up. “I know when I’m beaten. You’re the s-stud of room two sixty-two.”
“And don’t you forget it! But seriously, don’t be a stranger, okay.”
“I p-romise. Some of my appointments are nearby, so I’ll be s-sure to drop in. I might even bring you some Greek treats, if I’m feeling charitable.”
