Page 57 of Fractured Grief
Stop talking!
You’re rambling.
Get a grip, Indy!
Seb’s deep chuckle had me glancing at him from under my lashes. My whole body felt flushed with arousal as he lifted his tight shirt to wipe his face. My jaw dropped at his chiseled abs—was that an eight-pack—and all the stunning artwork weaving over those delectable muscles.
His scars stood out too. Still red and healing. They slashed angrily through some exquisite tattoos. Damn, that was a lot of muscled artwork.
“You… Okay?” I hadn’t registered that Seb had moved to stand in front of me. His big hand gently closed my still gaping mouth. I was face-to-face with his covered chest, but I could imagine all the tanned skin, toned muscles, and stunning ink lying under that t-shirt. I longed to touch it, taste it, be held in his embrace. I couldn’t move, so overwhelmed by all I wanted to do. It wasn’t until I registered the click of the door and the lock being engaged that I came back to myself.
“I’m good. Thank you for everything,” I whispered against his chest as my back hit the door.
Seb’s rough hand trailed over my cheek and down my neck, causing goosebumps to pop up in his wake. I was flushed with arousal and overwhelmed by Seb’s presence. Having this large, caring man focused on me in this moment, in his room, feet from his giant bed, was almost too much. I’d never done anything like this before. Was I scared? I didn’t think so, but I also didn’t know what to do.
“Wait,” I whispered, my mouth going dry. “I’ve… I’ve never done anything like this before.”
My hushed confession seemed to break the spell. Seb stepped back and took my hand in his, waiting for me to meet his eyes. “We don’t have to do anything, Indy. I’d just like to hold you, if that’s okay.”
The way he watched me took my breath away. His gaze bore into my soul and made me feel exposed and vulnerable, but also safe and seen. “I’d like that.”
Seb guided me back to take a seat on the end of the bed. He leaned down and undid my shoes before peeling off my socks. He took such care and reverence as he methodically began to undress me. He gestured for me to lie back on the bed as he unbuckled my belt and ever so slowly pulled it through the loops before dropping it onthe floor. He went to reach for my button to open my pants, but I stopped him.
“What’s wrong?” he asked from his knees between my legs. My mind couldn’t help but short-circuit at all the delectable things he could do to me inthatposition before his fingers grazed over my stomach under my work polo, making me giggle.
“Ticklish,” I chuckled as he beamed at me.
“Good to know,” his answering smirk made me squirm.
I forced myself to sit up. “Come sit by me. I have a few things to tell you,” patting the bed next to me, I waited for him to sit.
Taking a breath, I decided on honesty. Seb had shown himself to be reasonable, levelheaded, and nonjudgmental. I’m sure this would be fine, and more than that, I wanted to tell him. To share everything with him.
“I’m a v-v-virgin.”Well shit. Nothing like blurting it out to get things moving.I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “Wait, sorry, don’t say anything. Let me start again. As you know, Lex and I were never together. We grew up in a very homophobic and highly religious town. There were more churches than playgrounds, schools, and grocery stores put together. To say it wasn’t a safe place for someone like me was an understatement….”I laid out my life to Seb in rushed words hoping it made sense.
“You’re the first person I’ve allowed myself to be attracted to, and you’re the first person I’ve wanted to push past my fear for,” I paused to breathe and let that all sink in.
“Oh, Indy.” Seb’s arm wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me into a side hug. “I’m sorry you had to go through all that and felt like you couldn’t be yourself. You know you don’t have to hide here. With me, my family, or even in Hope’s Ridge. This is a very accepting town. We’ve never had any issues that I know of. My brothers are all queer, and while I’ve never been with a man, the fact that you’re a man doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I’m attracted toyou,Indy. I like being around you, the way you make me feel. You’ve brought light into my life, and I just want to spend time with you and Hazel.
“Don’t get me wrong, I loved kissing you, but if that’s all you want, I’d be fine with that. I just want to know you, hold you, take care of you, and share my life with you. To learn all about your hopes and dreams. You’ve made me smile more in the last few months than I have in the last few years. If we decide we want to move into a physical relationship, we can do so,together. We have all the time in the world; there’s no rush.”
My eyes welled with tears at his words.How was this guy even real? How had I found a man like this?So attuned to me and my feelings, full of romantic words and honest eyes. He was one of a kind, and I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have found him.
We stared at each other, drinking in the moment and all we’d shared. I still felt raw, but there was something in the way Seb gazed at me that healed my heart. He saw me, all my broken parts, and that somehow helped release the fear I’d had affixed to myself for as long as I could remember.
“There’s something else,” I whispered.
“Tell me,” he murmured into my ear before kissing my temple. It was such a sweet gesture; my heart skipped a beat.
“I suppressed as much of my ‘gayness’ as I could; it became second nature. But there was one thing I kept a secret once I turned eighteen. It allowed me to feel good about myself and my sexual identity.” Pausing to brace myself, this could go either way. I whispered my last confession so quietly I wasn’t even sure he heard me. “I like to wear lingerie.”
Chapter 29
Seb
Oh. My. God.
My brain short-circuited.
