Page 14 of Fit for Love
“What? And you had white-wine spritzer?”
“Not exactly. More like a couple of bottles. And the contents of the mini bar.” At the thought of that night, my stomach roiled.
Ethan’s jaw dropped. “But you’re meant to be a…”
“Teetotal, vegan, lifestyle guru?” I winced. “Are we getting to the diet questions soon? Because I need to confess about the burgers and the cheese.”
His face creased up in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
I didn’t know what it was about Ethan that made me blurt everything out. Maybe because I knew he wouldn’t judge me either, just like Piper hadn’t. And at least it would help him to understand why I needed to get back into a routine and act like everything was normal again. The whole sorry tale tumbled from my lips and toward the end, I found myself wiping a tear away. I knew I wasn’t mourning the loss of Orlando; it was more to do with the loss of my own control.
Ethan didn’t say anything or try to interrupt; he let me talk. His clear, green eyes met mine once I’d finished.
“I feel kind of harsh just moving onto this next section without responding to what you’ve just told me properly, but I think it might help.” He consulted his question list. “On a scale of one to ten, with one being the worst and ten being the best, how would you rate your current feelings on the following questions: ‘I have a positive attitude towards things’.” He paused, pen poised over the worksheet.
“Um, four?”
“‘My job stresses me out’?”
I sighed. I could barely think straight, let alone fashion a blog post. “Three?”
“‘I am in the best shape of my life’?”
“Three again.”
“‘I would rate my current health’?”
“Horrible, just horrible.” The thought of everything I’d done to my body recently, after all the years of clean living, and preaching about clean living, made me shrivel up in disgust. I hated what I’d done. No one else could ever find out about what happened.
“Then we can definitely get you back to a place where you feel more positive.” It was almost as if he could sense I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. He scribbled something on the paper, then shoved it into his backpack. “Right, let’s look at what you can do.” He stood up and I couldn’t help but notice the strength in his calves and thighs.
Ethan held out his hands. I took them and he drew me to my feet.
“So, let’s look at mobility. Can you touch your toes?”
I bounced down and hooked my hands around my ankles. That was an easy one to start with.
“Great, now can you sit back on the floor and reach for your feet again?”
The stretches he asked me to do weren’t anything I wasn’t used to. Although as he got me to balance on each leg to test their strength, I wobbled and fell forward. He caught me against his chest, and I breathed in the scent of his aftershave, something woody and spicy. Exactly the sort of thing I would have associated with him. His hands moved to my hips and straightened me out, and an unexpected shiver shot down my spine. Orlando had never had that affect on me. He carried on assessing me, his hands moving along my limbs, gently stretching and pulling as he worked out what mobility and strength I had.
Although if I was honest, I had taken on somewhat of a jelly-like quality having him so close to me.
Despite my protestations to Louise that I wasn’t even vaguely interested in Ethan, working out with him wasn’t exactly a hardship, and I found myself enjoying it maybe a little more than I should be.
“You’re in pretty good shape,” said Ethan, after he’d finished everything on the questionnaire. “I don’t know why you need my help.”
I need something to focus on, to take my mind off Orlando, to rebalance and reset, to find myself again and work out what the future holds.
At least that’s what I’d say if I was still writing the blog. For the first time, I found the words rang hollow.
Rebalance and reset?What a load of bullshit that was.
“I figure if I’m accountable to someone, then I’ll actually get on and do something. You know what it can be like taking things on alone.”
Ethan nodded. “Well, I can’t say that I was going to turn down any more sessions with you. At this rate, you’ll be one of my best-paying customers.”
Is that the only reason you want to carry on working out with me?I wanted to ask the question, but wasn’t brave enough. Ethan probably had loads of women to choose from. I mentally shook myself, questioning why I was even thinking of asking that.
