Page 15 of Wish You Knew
Since the night I’d gone to her rescue, I’d blanked her. Leaving her a note was a bastard thing to do, and I hadn’t replied to her message either. It had been almost a week. But seeing her tonight, all dolled up in a burgundy patterned dress which clung to every one of her curves, blonde hair pulled up into a messy kind of Brigette Bardot style, challenged my willpower again.
It would be so easy to hook up again.
We had all the classic signposts: we were at a gig; I was fucked up on coke. All it would take would be a few drinks… my hotel wasn’t far away.
But I wasn’t anything to her, she’d made that perfectly clear.
All the bad energy darting around my bloodstream had to be channelled in a different direction preferably into the best performance I’d ever done.
My head snapped up and I flexed my shoulders. I turned to Bobby behind the drums. “Ready?” I yelled.
Bobby raised his drumsticks in the air. “One… two… three…”
The cacophony of sound filled the empty Academy, bouncing off the walls with vehemence - mirroring my own emotions.
When it came to the bridge, I poured everything I had into the words, riffing off Saff, Declan and Mat. I spun around the stage, covering almost every inch, wanting to tire myself out, to bring myself back to an equilibrium.
Not once did I look to see if Rosie saw me.
Once we’d finished, Declan looked over at me, eyebrows raised. “You think we got it down okay this time?”
Sweat trickled down my back, and I caught my breath. “Might need to up it a notch for the real show.”
Which was exactly what I did, after upping the chemical level in my bloodstream.
The entire thirty-five-minute set was as intense as any we’d done on tour. Condensing our setlist to that length had been the first challenge. Five, plusWasted. It wasn’t that I was bored of our songs, just that the time had come for new ones. While I knew the others were also working on tunes and lyrics, I couldn’t wait to get away, get some quiet time and pour all my creative energy into fresh material.
The audience exploded as the final chords ofWastedabated.
A rush of being absolutely fucking adored hit hard.
The whole of the front row in the mosh pit went mental.
They wanted me.
I threw my arms up, mic clenched in one hand like a weapon.
“Thank you, Brixton!”
Screams and cheers echoed in my ears as I left the stage. I tossed the mic to one of the sound techs, and headed back to our dressing room, an oasis of calm amongst a veritable storm.
The four of us gathered together in the centre of the room, almost in a hot and sweaty group hug. The closeness I had with these guys was incredible. Ten years of being together, and it still felt as raw and natural as the early days.
A few moments of quiet reflection and we broke apart, high fiving each other.
“You staying around for the rest of the night?” Declan asked.
We’d been provided with all access passes for the headline set. Much as I liked the opportunity we’d had to support, I wasn’t so keen on the band’s music.
“Me and Rosie are going to get a late dinner, if you want to come with us?”
I’d almost forgotten Saff was still there.
What a choice.
It would be so easy to say yes to Saff. To go out and pretend everything was fine between me and Rosie.
But it wasn’t, and I didn’t have the first clue how to fix it.
