Page 76 of When We Fell Again
“I’m telling you what’s been happening in my world. And what I need to do to make it better.” I realised Lex hadn’t spoken once since I’d started talking, even when I explained about the argument with Arlo. I needed her more than anyone to understand the decisions I’d made.
Jude held up his hands. “Okay, sorry. I’ll let you carry on.”
Taking a huge inhale, I dropped the bombshell none of them had expected. “I’m scared. I didn’t like how easy it was to take that hit, even if I did like the way it made me feel. And I’m fucking terrified of what might happen if I start the habit again. Which means I need help. First thing tomorrow, I’m going to call Kelvin and ask him to find me a therapy group or a rehab facility to try and stop this. I’m petrified of relapsing and ending up like Dexter.” I glanced towards Lex, who blinked furiously as if trying to stop tears. I wished I’d told her my plan before announcing it to everyone. I hadn’t wanted to blindside her.
“Fuck, man. I didn’t realise you were that bad. But we’re here for you, no matter what.” Levi reached over and slapped me on the back, obviously forgetting about the injuries I’d sustained. “Anything you need, you let us know.”
“Yeah,” echoed Jude. “Take your time. We’ll be ready whenever you are.”
“Absolutely,” added Robbie. “You know there’s a shit hot album just waiting to be released and toured.”
Their overwhelming support hit me in the gut. We’d always been close, particularly through my last stint in rehab. At least I’d been honest with them this time. We chatted about lighter subjects for a little while, and one by one, they filtered off until it was just me and Lex.
“I should go too.” She stood and hesitated for a moment.
My body went cold thinking she was about to leave me, maybe for good. “Please, don’t.”
“You didn’t tell me you wanted to go back into rehab.” Her teeth worried her lower lip, once again battling her emotions. “I could help you.”
“I love you too much to put you through that. I need professional help.” I pushed my chair back and crossed the room to where she was and wrapped my arms around her. At first, she was stiff in my embrace, but then she melted into me. Burying my nose in her hair, I held her, both of us silent.
“I love you too, Jordan,” Lex said at last. “And I don’t want to lose you again. We’ve been through far too much over the last few months to throw it all away.”
I pulled away, looking directly into her gorgeous blue-green eyes. “I want a future for us. If I do this now, there’s every chance we can have that.”
“I want that too.”
As I stared at the woman I loved, feeling her strength and affection, I knew I could beat this.
Falling again had never felt so good.
Epilogue
The man onstage was leaner,fitter,hotterthan he had been on the previous tour. He prowled around the small stage in the intimate venue and connected with every single member of the audience as if they’d been there with him in the past few months.
And then Jordan’s gaze met mine.
My chest tightened, my heart beating faster as I thought back to what we might have lost.
After Jordan had been attacked, he was true to his word. The very next day, he had called a meeting with Kelvin Francis. The two of them spoke for hours, holed up in Kelvin’s office, and by the time they finished, Jordan was booked into a clinic—probably at an extortionate cost—and had to admit himself immediately. We barely had a chance to speak before he disappeared.
Those next two months were probably some of the hardest of my life. Jordan had decided he needed to distance himself from everything band related, and that included me. We didn’t speak and we didn’t message.
The one comforting thought wasat least I know where he is.
I completed The Dicers tour, then immediately told Theo I was never working with them again. He tried to argue with me, but once I explained the reasons, he completely understood. My schedule, at least for the time being, consisted of mostly solo artists who were up-and-coming, doing low-key shows. Exactly like the ones Lissy Parker had been doing before I got entangled with all things Idol Rev again. The change in pace suited me, but there were times when I thought that going back on the road with a proper band would be good. I hadn’t mentioned that to anyone yet, though, least of all Jordan.
The atmosphere in the venue couldn’t be topped. Choosing somewhere so small to do a one-off show had been a genius idea, and one I wished I could take credit for.
Watching Jordan on stage again, after everything he’d been through, filled me with pride. He’d been really disciplined, focused, and as a result, everything about his performance couldn’t be beaten. Claudia would have some fantastic material to use.
Once the gig had finished, I went backstage to join the band. The mood was light and fun, everyone in a good mood. The new songs from the album they’d written after the last tour had gone down a storm. AndBeautiful Broken People, Jordan’s solo acoustic track which had come from his latest stint in rehab, had people in tears, me included.
I went up to him and wound my arms around his neck, pulling him close, and pressed my lips against his, trying to ignore how sweaty he was.
“Mmm, gig fresh,” I joked. “You really should bottle that.”
Jordan laughed and kissed my forehead. “But then I’d have to share it with the rest of the world instead of just you.”
