Page 30 of You Had Me At Annyeong!
Panicking, Timira takes a step back. Her feet wobble nervously when suddenly, a deep voice whispers into her ears, immediately calming her. ‘Don’t worry, Timira. I’m here. You are safe.’
‘Haneul! You came to save me!’
‘Run when I tell you, okay? And, don’t look back, no matter what. Can you do that?’
Timira nods obediently.
But I wonder what the gumiho looks like. Does he look anything like Lee Dongwook inThe Tale of the Nine-Tailed?
‘Timira, NOW!’ Haneul says urgently.
Timira breaks into a sprint.
‘Timira, not that way! The other way!’
One quick glance at his face, bas… she tells herself.
The sun is about to set and, on its way home, for a brief moment it falls on the gumiho, lighting up his face.
‘RODRIGO! YOU ROTTEN PIECE OF SHIT! FUCK OFF!’
Yelling in her sleep, Timira throws all four limbs about and it doesn’t take her long to roll off her queen-size bed and land on the carpeted (thankfully) floor with a muffled thud.
‘As if ruining my life wasn’t enough, he’s now out to ruin my dreams, too? BUGGER OFF, YOUASS!’ she complains out loud as she gently massages the butt cheeks that had valiantly protected her.
Ah, thank the Lord for this choley-bhatoorey-and-pav-bhaji-fed arse. Saving me from all the asses of the world, one fall at a time.
‘Ass-ey na mujhe tum dekho, seeney se laga loonga,’she hums as shegrabs her toothbrush, heads for the remote and switches the telly on.
She’s making South Asians everywhere proud by using a rolled-up tube of toothpaste and has recently learnt a way to maximize the results by gently sucking the toothpaste directly into the mouth while squeezing the tube flat and rolling it up as though it were fruit leather. They are showing football transfer news, so she settles comfortably into the couch and brings the toothpaste tube to her mouth. Like Kenny G would hold his saxophone, with the same tenderness and sincerity, she holds it between her lips and draws her breath in … but forgets to let it out.
Coughing and spluttering, she dots her living room with specks of toothpaste and spit. She might have made headlines had she choked on toothpaste but currently it was the headlines that had knocked the wind out of her.
‘Rod is playing in the K League 1?!?!’
The K League 1 is the top flight in the South Korean football league system and one of the best leagues in Asia, if not the world. Ageing Rodrigo hardly seems like the most ideal choice for a league as competitive as the K League. But hehadjust had a stellar season in the Indian Super League. And what many thought was going to be his swansong ended up being a launch pad for what looks like a second innings.
‘What have I done to deserve this? Who does he think he is? Cristiano Ronaldo? Why can’t he retire already? Should’ve listened to Bhaskar and gone to that witch doctor! I need to tell him and Alice. Arghhhh, what is thiskala nazar? Dude, I can’t deal with this!’
Talking aloud to herself and grimacing, she absent-mindedly grabs her phone and walks into the washroom. She doesn’t speak with Alice or Bhaskar, though. Instead, she opens multiple tabs—all sports portals, while silently praying for the news she’s heard earlier to be only a rumour.
‘Good grief! Why have they even signed him? He’s old and not even Korean! I mean, he’s Japanese, for chrissakes. Koreanske dushman! Why, Seoul Stealers FC, why? I used to crush on several of your players. Henceforth, all of you are cancelled!’
Wallowing in self-pity, she seems to have lost all track of time. Thankfully, her Honey hasn’t.She calls dutifully.
‘Morning,Seonbae!’ Hanee’s cheery voice is almost therapeutic for Timira.
‘Hi, Honey! Did I take too long to answer? I’m sorry, I was wondering who “Honey” on my phone is. Took me a while to remember you are my new Honey. I was worried it might besome jerk from my past,’ Timira giggles at her silly joke while Hanee wonders, again, if all is well ‘up there’ with her senior.
‘No, no, all good. I just wanted to tell you I’m in the office and have got breakfast for you packed from home …’
But I don’t eat breakfast …she thinks to herself.
Hanee continues, ‘… you’d mentionedpajeonthe other day. So I told my mother and she made them today for breakfast. Come quickly, okay? I’ve got your Americano, too!’
This can’t be real. Really, why can’t the world be rid of men? All they do is break our hearts and women just put those pieces back together for one another. Gah, bloody hell, why couldn’t I have batted for the other side? Life would’ve been a breeze! Kya main yahan ghungroo ke tarah bajoing kabhi iss pag mein kabhi uss pag mein. Pug hi hoon main, life’s made me into its little kuttiya.
‘Please pass my regards on to your mother.Eomonim, right? Did I get it right? Actually, never mind. Connect me with her at the office today, okay? I’ll thank her myself. See you in about an hour?’
