Page 122 of Tower of Ash and Darkness
But where would I even begin?
If I speak his name, I’d have to explain why I was with him… what I felt. And then the rest—his father, the things I saw. The memory claws at the edges of my mind, refusing to stay buried. I saw the exchange between Lord Striden and the guard. The coins. The nod. The silence that followed, a pact that felt like a betrayal. How do I say any of it without unraveling everything between us?
Would he even believe me?
A knot forms in my throat as I glance away, my thoughts spiraling. He deserves to know. Maybe he already suspects. But dragging it all into the light feels like shattering something we’ve only just begun to piece back together.
“I need to tell you something,” I say quietly, the words trembling at the edges.
He inhales sharply, his chest rising as if bracing himself. His gaze finds mine, steady now, unreadable.
“I…”
He shakes his head once, slow.
“If this is about the King’s shadow…” he trails off, jaw tightening before he forces the words through clenched teeth, “I know you said there wasn’t anything between the two of you. But I see the way he looks at you.”
My brows knit as my eyes search his face.
“I know what I’ve done,” he says, voice low. “And I’ll live with the consequences of that. But you…” His throat bobs as he swallows hard. “If you found solace in someone because of me, because I failed you, I would understand.”
I stare at him, as my brows pull.
“Jason.”
He nods, as if trying to convince himself of his own words.
“We start anew?”
I stare at him. My lips part, but no words come. Not yet. My brows pull tighter. The truth is on the tip of my tongue, burning—but so is the weight of everything else. Jason steps forward, placing his hands gently on my arms.
“I’m going to bed,” he says, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
He searches my face briefly before turning away, his footsteps soft against the floor. My jaw clenches as I exhale deeply, ruminating over everything left unsaid.
“Jason,” I call softly, stopping him at the door to his adjoining chamber.
He turns to look at me, his expression calm but tired.
“Thank you,” I say, my voice trembling just enough to betray the tightness growing in me, like something caught behind my ribs, begging to be let loose.
Jason nods, a small, understanding smile tugging at his lips. But his gaze lingers, sweeping over me as if committing every detail to memory. Then, without a word, he slips through the door and closes it behind him.
I stand there for a long moment, the room feeling empty, the echoes of his words and his touch lingering in the air around me. I move to the window, the cool night air seeping through the glass. The moon hangs low in the sky, its pale light casting a silver glow across the room. My tired reflection stares back at me. The woman I see doesn’t feel like a princess or a wife—just a girl caught in the middle of a game she never wanted to play.
25
CASPER
As the sun dips below the horizon, the sky transforms into hues of amber and crimson, a breathtaking display that does little to ease the turmoil I feel. Tomorrow, we leave—Lailah, Jason, and I—bound for the outerlands of the Striden territory. The thought turns my stomach.
My task is clear yet daunting: infiltrate Lord Striden’s domain, uncover how close he is to finding the stone, and ensure his plans fall apart before they can solidify. His cold, calculating gaze will make this mission anything but simple, but he has no idea how much we already know about his treachery.
The hardest part of this mission isn’t the danger or the lies I’ll have to weave. It’s pretending Lailah means nothing to me, as though the other night wasn’t the most significant moment of my existence. I’ve shared my bed with countless women, but none of them have stayed with me like she has. She’s carved into my thoughts, unshakable and consuming. I haven’t truly had her—not the way I want, not the way I crave—but she’s already a part of me. She’s the fire in a world I thought was nothing but ash, the only person who has ever made me feel alive.
Yet tonight, I must extinguish that fire, bury every ounce oflonging and every ache to stay near her. I need Clyde to see a man disillusioned with the castle’s gilded cage, someone worn down by the royal court’s schemes and suffocating splendor. If Clyde even suspects my true intentions—or senses how deeply I want her—he will dismantle everything before I have the chance to act. He has to believe I despise this life, that I am desperate enough for freedom to risk the hazards of the outerlands, even under Lord Striden’s cold, watchful eye.
The palace, with all its glittering beauty and endless deceit, has never felt more oppressive. Every second spent within its walls tightens the noose around my plans. If Clyde unravels the truth, all of this—the lies, the sacrifices—will have been for nothing. But the thought of Lailah believing she’s nothing to me cuts deeper than any risk Clyde poses. She’ll think she’s just another shadow I’ve left behind, when in reality, she’s the only light I have ever known.
