Page 64 of The Defiant Governess
“B-But she hasn’t, sir. She is here.”
“Is she?”
Before Jane could answer, he tightened his hold on her waist and swept her along at a quickened pace. Her heart was racing, whether from exertion or the sudden wave of emotion she couldn’t tell. She couldn’t tell much of anything. The rest of the dance was a blur, and when he released her to lead her back to her next partner she was amazed to find that her legs were steady enough to support her.
There was already a cluster of gentlemen awaiting her return. They eyed Saybrook with a range of expressions that ranged from speculative to downright hostile. Suddenly Jane couldn’tbear the idea of anyone else’s touch. As Saybrook left her with a slight bow, she turned to Lord Morton, the next name on her list.
“Please excuse me, sir,” she said as she fumbled with the fold of her gown. “I seem to have a small tear at my hem that simply must be mended.”
Without waiting for reply she turned and made her way through the crowd. Reaching the corridor, she hurried past the ladies’ withdrawing room, praying that no prying tabby would note her strange behavior.
The music room was empty, lit only by moonlight. As she flung open the french doors and stepped outside, a wave of cool air washed over her. It felt soothing on her flushed cheeks, and she stood still, hitching in her breath to calm her emotions.
To her chagrin, Jane felt tears trickling down her cheeks. She scolded herself for being ridiculous. Why, she seemed to have turned into a veritable watering pot these days. With a loud sniff, she reached to wipe them away.
“Allow me.”
Saybrook came around to face her and dabbed gently at her face with a white silk handkerchief. Returning it to his pocket, he slipped off his coat and settled it around her shoulders.
She turned away in confusion. “I … I was too warm and just came out for a breath of air. I ought to be getting back.”
He placed a hand on her arm. “A moment longer.” He turned her round to face him. “Why are you crying?”
“Why did you come here?” she countered, her jaw thrusting out defiantly. “And I’m not crying. The cold air has merely brought a few tears to my eyes.”
For the first time in ages, Saybrook gave a hearty chuckle. “It seems you are right—my dear, defiant, prickly Miss Langley is still here.”
“I’m not prickly,” she retorted. “It’s just that you bring out …” She stopped as he traced his fingers along the contour of her jaw.
“No,” he whispered. “On that I am very wrong.”
Suddenly she felt hot all over again.
“Why did you come here?” she repeated.
He was silent for a number of moments. “To see Miss Langley. To ask her for forgiveness.”
“Sir! The past is done with. There is nothing for which you need forgiveness. You are a good man, a kind, compassionate, honorable man. The past is over. It is time to move on with your life.”
“Yes,” he mused. “Yes, I have come to that decision as well. And so I came to do properly what I made a terrible mull of the first time I tried it.”
Jane’s mouth went dry. “What is that?”
His sea-green eyes flickered in the pale moonlight. “I was afraid to say what I truly felt,” he went on. “Afraid of—that doesn’t matter now. For I have come to realize it is infinitely harder to bear hiding one’s feelings than it is to risk being hurt.”
“And perhaps I was afraid to hear what you wanted to say, for all the same reasons.” Jane met his gaze. “But …” She hesitated. “These past few days you have remained silent. Has something changed?”
“Yes, it has.”
Jane felt a rush of sadness, regret. The tears welled up again and she dropped her head. “I see.”
“The governess is now a lady of great rank and wealth.”
“And that matters because I lied to you,” she mumbled.
Saybrook lifted her chin. “For such an intelligent person, you have come up with a most nonsensical notion. It matters because I fear you may think me no better than a fortune-hunter or?—”
“Now it isyouwho have windmills in your head. As if I could think such a thing! You forget that I already know all your faults.”
