Page 31 of A Wish for Jinnie
‘The meat’s a bit chewy, but the carrots are delicious,’ said Wilma. ‘Pass the gravy, Rob, there’s a love.’
The rest of lunch passed in usual Cooper fashion. Wilma caused a minor uproar when she revealed she’d received photos of male genitalia on her Twitter account. ‘Aye, willie shots, right there on the screen. Like I want to see somebody’s scrotum in close up!’
‘Dick pics,’ added Archie, scrolling through his phone and humming under his breath.
‘I dinnae know what his name is, but he can do one!’ Wilma huffed indignantly, oblivious to the reaction around the table. ‘And as for all thae US military chaps wanting to find love, they’d better look somewhere else. All I need is a nice cup of tea. Speaking of which, anyone fancy a reading?’
Miffed at no takers — and not remotely remorseful at using Charlize Theron’s photo as her Twitter profile — Wilma took herself off to the lounge, hacking and spluttering all the way.
Jinnie helped her mum clear up. ‘Gran doesn’t sound great,’ she said quietly. ‘Can’t we find a way todragher to the doctor’s?’ As soon as she spoke, she realised how impossible that would be. Wilma was a hardy Scotswoman, born in an era when men were men and women just got on with it.
‘You know what she’s like,’ sighed Kath. ‘Wilma’s always said the only way they’ll get her out of that bungalow is in a coffin. And the way sheiscoughing — excuse the pun — I fear that’s exactly what will happen.’
A judder of fear ran down Jinnie’s spine. She knew her gran couldn’t live forever, but she wasn’t ready to lose her yet.
Chapter 30
‘Haveyou ever been in love, Dhassim?’I could ask myself that, Jinnie thought. And she was pretty sure the answer was no. Sure, she’d been smitten by Mark; but with the benefit of hindsight she realised she’d been more in love with the idea than the man himself. If he hadn’t dumped her, Jinnie was certain they’d have parted ways sooner rather than later. Unless she’d done the whole stupid ‘marry in haste, repent at leisure’ thing. She shuddered at the thought.
‘Have I ever been in love?’ Dhassim repeated the question, digging his hands into the pockets of an old pair of Jinnie’s jogging bottoms. She’d finally persuaded him that the harem pants needed a wash, and they were now drying over a radiator. Much to her chagrin, he looked better in her trackies than she did. Dhassim’s pert little bottom filled out the fleecy fabric perfectly, whereas Jinnie’s post-Christmas rear resembled a couple of overfilled balloons. And sticking a pin in them wasn’t going to do the trick.
‘Still waiting,’ she said, figuring one more mince pie wouldn’t do too much damage. After all, they were at their use-by date and Jinnie hated throwing food away. She removed the foil from the last two in the pack and zapped them in the microwave. ‘Want cream with yours?’
Settled at the table, Jinnie bashed the top of her mince pie to let the dollop of cream sink in. Dhassim, who normally ate at warp speed, etched patterns on the plate. What looked suspiciously like a heart drizzled around his pie, his usually cheerful face tinged with sadness.
‘Yes, I was in love once. It was a very long time ago.’ As Dhassim’s perception of time was a bit different from that of mere mortals, Jinnie didn’t know if he meant a couple of decades or several centuries. Either way, unless she’d been blessed with the gift of eternal youth, Dhassim’s sweetheart was either knocking on a bit or pushing up the daisies.
‘So, spill the beans.’
Dhassim’s brow creased. He pushed his plate aside untouched, went to the cabinet, and reached for a can of Heinz’s finest. ‘You want me to do something with these? Is this some kind of ritual? If I upend the contents, will the love of my life appear?’
Oh, for fuck’s sake! Talk about being literal…
‘It’s a figure of speech, Dhassim. Put the can back, and just tell me who she was and what happened.’
‘Her name was Aaliyah.’ Dhassim whispered the word, as if just saying it would cause incredible pain. ‘She was the most beautiful creature I ever laid eyes on, but the powers that be decreed that we could never be together.’
‘What powers that be?’ asked Jinnie. She’d never really thought about how genies came to be, and who decided they should spend eternity operating out of a lamp. Clearly someone with little regard for health and safety, or consideration for anyone with claustrophobia issues.
‘I cannot say, for I truly do not know.’ Dhassim unearthed a tissue from the pocket of the jogging bottoms. Jinnie watched as he dabbed his eyes, not wanting to spoil the moment by saying shemighthave blown her nose on it. ‘My master chose my fate, as Aaliyah’s fate was chosen for her. Had it not been for a strange coincidence when our lamps arrived at the same destination, we would never have met.’
Hang on a minute!Was Dhassim saying that the woman of his dreams was a genie like himself? Jinnie hadn’t bothered researching his mystical origins, but she’d never heard of female genies. Were they even called the same thing? Perhaps one referred to them as ‘geniuses’. She snorted at the thought. Of courseeveryoneknew that women were smarter than men. Except men. Which kind of proved the theory, duh.
‘You are laughing, Jinnie, which hurts me.’ Dhassim tried to unfold the tissue, which remained defiantly welded together with —
‘I’m not! Well, I am, but not for the reason you think.’ Jinnie snatched away the offending item and fetched a box of tissues from the lounge. ‘Tell me more, Dhassim. Was it love at first sight?’ Pushing aside images of John Travolta and Olivia Newton John, Jinnie sat opposite him and gave his hand a quick squeeze.
‘It was.’ Dhassim looked taken aback at Jinnie’s gesture, but gave her a watery smile. ‘As I said, by some curious twist of fate we found ourselves in the same household. Fortuitously, we were allowed to serve together, at least for a while.’
Wow, double wishes! Not that Jinnie needed an extra helping, considering how pathetic she’d been so far.
‘So, were your feelings reciprocated?’ Perhaps the bootylicious Aaliyah preferred her men with a bit more meat on their bones. Despite his passion for eating, Dhassim was still skinny as a rake. He clearly possessed a metabolism Jinnie and her friends would kill for.
‘She loved me as much as I loved her,’ Dhassim replied. ‘We were kindred souls, our hearts two halves of a whole. She was the yin to my yang, the sunset to my dawn, the Rachel to my Ross —’
‘OK, OK, I get it,’ interrupted Jinnie, a wave of nausea sweeping over her. Maybe the mince pie had been rancid after all. ‘What happened? Did she grant her wishes before you did and get sucked back into her lamp?’ Again, Jinnie didn’t know what the protocol was when a genie gave out all their allotted wishes. As it stood, she’d be collecting her bus pass before Dhassim shimmied out of her life. Although hehadsaid two months, if she remembered correctly.
‘No.’ Dhassim shook his head, a fresh bout of tears threatening. ‘One day she was there, the next she was gone. Our master — the one who summoned us from the lamps — would not explain. However, I suspect he sold Aaliyah and her lamp, along with other items from the house. He was not a rich man, though he had a good heart.’
