Page 9 of A Wish for Jinnie
Ken was out of the door at lightning speed, followed rapidly by Sam. A few more customers appeared, sparing Jo from any more underwear chat. Janette was a likeable soul, but could talk the hind legs off the proverbial donkey.
After the lunchtime rush, Jo whipped up a batch of scones and a lemon drizzle cake. She normally closed around five, but decided to shut up shop early. Perhaps she could pop in and see Jinnie on the way home. The poor girl always appeared to be starving. Jo wondered how she was coping, both financially and in terms of having a friendly shoulder to cry on.No,Jo decided,that was definitely overstepping the mark.Better to invite Jinnie out for a drink, or round for supper one night. All she probably needed right now was a quiet life…
Chapter 12
‘Ooh, baby, baby,’sang Dhassim. He might be ‘the idolised’, but he’d have received a massive thumbs-down onPop Idol. Tuneless didn’t cover it as he bopped around, baggy trousers flapping and upper body glistening. Jinnie had been less than impressed to find he’d snaffled her expensive gold-flecked body oil and smeared it all over his torso. He’d also devoured all her bread, cheese and leftovers from Monday evening.
Now it was Tuesday afternoon, and Jinnie harboured evil thoughts of cramming him back in the lamp. She was ready to scream. Not from fear, or horror at the madness of the situation. No, her grip on sanity was slipping because he wasdriving her mad!Not only had Jinnie been nagged into rubbing Deep Heat into his knotted limbs, but she had had to endure endless tales of ‘wish fulfilment’ spanning hundreds, if not thousands, of years.
‘There was this mediaeval chick — can’t remember her name — who dreamed of marrying the local lord. No idea why — he had a face that could turn milk sour. Whereas her boyfriend was ahunkof burning love. Just didn’t have any dosh. Shallow, or what?’ Dhassim flounced across the room, indignation written across his face. ‘I granted the wish, they tied the knot, then she spent most of her marriage sneaking off to shag her boyfriend behind the cattle sheds. Until His Nibs cottoned on, and then it was…’ He drew a bony finger across his throat, Adam’s apple wobbling in sympathy.
By all accounts, Dhassim had been granting wishes for longer than he could remember. Some more successfully than others. He had no recollection of how he’d ended up living in a lamp (Jinnie didn’t feel so bad now about the size of Brae Cottage), or why he’d appeared in her life.
‘Aren’t you supposed to have a master?’ she asked. Her knowledge of genie mythology was limited to childhood stories and the Disney cartoon. And Dhassim bore little resemblance to Robin Williams’ wise-cracking sidekick. He wasn’t blue, and his physique was more stick insect than buff fantasy figure. Mind you, being crammed into an oil lamp didn’t leave much scope for bicep curls or crunches.
Dhassim had, thankfully, stopped warbling along to Jinnie’s CD collection, and was now nosing in the fridge, sighing dramatically at its meagre contents. ‘Yeah, I guess so, although it looks like I now have amistress.’ He shot her a look that made her toes curl more than his satin slippers.
As a diversionary tactic Jinnie tossed him a packet of cheese and onion crisps from her handbag.Damn, there goes the emergency snack supply.
Ear-bending crooning swapped for nails-on-blackboard crunching, Dhassim sashayed his way upstairs.
Jinnie followed, her temper gaining momentum. ‘Listen, Mr Wish-Fulfilment Assistant, I’d really prefer if you didn’t treat every inch of my home as your own personal space. In fact, I wish you’d just disappear!’
The words were out before she could stop them. Jinnie held her breath, expecting Dhassim to vanish in a puff of smoke. That would be a shocking waste of a wish, assuming he really did have the power to grant them.
Nope, he was still there: standing outside her bedroom, arms folded and bottom lip protruding. ‘Pumpkin, you have hurt my feelings. Here was I, thinking we were getting along so well, and then you say something like that. Ouch!’
Dhassim swivelled around and flounced into the bedroom. Ye gods, the man was camper than a row of tents! And Jinnie still didn’t appreciate the ‘pumpkin’ term of endearment.
Dhassim eyed the lamp, still lying beneath the window, then turned his attention to Jinnie’s abdominal trainer, now serving as a makeshift drying-line for her knickers. He swept them aside, wiggled beneath the instrument of torture, and proceeded to count down his progress.
‘One, two, three … oof … four, five, six… How did I getsoout of shape?’ Huffing and puffing, he kept going until Jinnie kicked it out of the way.
Undeterred, Dhassim turned over and assumed the plank position. ‘Honeybun, you really need to play nice if you want me to hang around,’ he whined. ‘And wishing that I’d disappear is a no-go area. Now, count me down from one hundred.’
Gritting her teeth, Jinnie did as he asked. Dhassim swayed and wobbled, whistling as he struggled to remain balanced. Remarkably, he made it to the end, and collapsed in a heap on the worn-out rug she’d placed under the abdominal trainer.
Jinnie crouched down and faced Dhassim as he hauled himself upright. ‘Look, I appreciate your need to get fit, but can wepleasetalk about how this three wishes thing works?’
To her dismay, he let rip with a honking laugh. ‘Threewishes? Wherever did you get that idea from? Oh dearie me, don’t go believing all that movie and book nonsense.’ Dhassim admonished Jinnie with atut, tutfinger. ‘We genieshaveevolved, you know. Nowadays it’s all about granting wishes in accordance with their relevance, and in the name of equality, we expect something in return.’
This was getting worse by the minute! What on earth (or wherever he’d materialised from) could Dhassim expect from her? Surely he wasn’t … he couldn’t … be hinting at some kind of relationship? As in coupling up and making the beast with two backs?And Jinnie wasn’t thinking of a camel…
Dhassim rummaged in his capacious trousers. If he so much asmentioneda magic wand, Jinnie was ready to run downstairs as fast as her wobbly legs would allow. But he eventually produced what looked like a pedometer. A very glitzy, blingy pedometer, the kind she imagined one of the Kardashians would use, assuming they ever ran anywhere. Dhassim clicked the little button on the top a few times, and the gizmo made a noise like a pub gaming machine, all bells and flashing lights.
Jinnie moved closer, leaning over Dhassim’s shoulder to see what the screen showed. All she could make out was a series of numbers flashing past at high speed. Gradually they slowed, the glowing digits coming into focus.
‘Hmm, looks like my WIFI has selected the economy package,’ said Dhassim, frowning at the screen. ‘Ah well, that makes things a little simpler.’
If Jinnie’s mind had boggled before, it was now doing veritable cartwheels of confusion. What did an internet connection have to do with anything? Was Dhassim somehow connected to an ancient mythologicalversion of the web? He certainly wasn’t hooked up to her network, since the internet was another thing on Jinnie’s ‘can’t afford’ pile. She relied on external resources when she needed to look anything up.
‘This,’ Dhassim announced, ‘is a Wish-Instigating Finder Instrument.’So bugger all to do with the internet, then.‘It detects and calibrates the emotional energy waves present between the genie —moi, of course — and the wisher, picking up on buried desires and latent longings. Then it uses a series of complex algorithms to produce the maximum number of wishes available, the timeframe in which they may be granted and — cue drum roll — what little old me gets out of it!’
Worlds populated by demons, dragons and other fantastic creatures had never been Jinnie’s thing. She was a realist, with a side order of pessimism. Now she was facing a mythical maniac more akin to Doctor Who than a benign spirit with wish-fulfilling powers.Maybe he’s got a sonic screwdriver handy, thought Jinnie with a smile. After all, the kitchen cupboard doors were hanging off their hinges.
But is he benign?A faint, tickling thought of mischievous if not downright nasty genies made Jinnie shiver. What if Dhassim wreaked havoc with her life, turned it upside down and left her penniless and heartbroken?
Wait, no. That had already happened.
