Page 25 of A Wish For Jo
Kelvin swivelled round to face the audience, a few titters audible from the back. 'Well, thank goodness you didn't get a duck,' he deadpanned, prompting a fresh wave of hysterical laughter.
Poor Marvin looked bewildered. Jo got the joke a little quicker this time and prayed she wouldn't be at the mercy of Kelvin's cutting comments.
'And when did you start baking, Marvin? Didn't you tell us that your beloved gran introduced you to all things moist and spongy at an early age?' Kelvin winked, Marvin squirmed, and Jo fought the urge to take the host's microphone and perform a rudimentary endoscopy.
'Yes, she did. My gran brought me up when my mum died, and she taught me everything I know. How to cook, do the laundry, grow vegetables, and most of all, how to be kind.' Marvin flashed a look at Kelvin, his nerves replaced with a steeliness surely instilled by his beloved gran.
'And being kind is what it's all about, folks! That, and getting your mitts on the glittering prize this evening. Which brings me to our final contestant. Last but definitely not least, we have … we have … just a moment.'
In all her years watchingAll Rise, Jo had never witnessed its host lost for words. Kelvin fiddled with his earpiece, a rictus grin plastered across his face. 'Sorry about that, folks. Let's welcome the lovely Jo, all the way from bonnie Scotland!'
Jo straightened her shoulders and smiled as broadly as her tense facial muscles would allow. Her fellow contestants clapped along with the audience and she allowed herself to relax a fraction.
'Apart from being a wee Scotch lass, what else can you tell us about yourself?' Kelvin smoothed down an imaginary crease in his suit jacket and pretended to do a Highland jig.
Give me strength!Jo adored her native country, but loathed the twee tartan-and-trews image it conjured up for others. And as for 'Scotch'…
'Well, Kelvin, I'd just like to point out that Scotch is a drink and a person is described as a Scot. I'm proud to be the latter, although not fond of the former. I run my own café just outside Edinburgh and I'm single and very happy with my life.'
Kelvin pursed his lips, glancing at the judges now seated to his right. Lee rocked in his chair with undisguised mirth, while Katie and Lily maintained an air of cool detachment. 'Well, that's me told! Here's hoping you'll not be hurling a haggis or tossing a caber in my direction by the end of the show.'
Jo felt like hurling, but in the vomiting sense. Watching Kelvin on screen was one thing; being on the receiving end of his toe-curling quips made her skin crawl.
Introductions over, the three finalists took their places at their baking stations. This round of the final called on them to create a character cake based on a prompt contained in a golden envelope.
'From the moment you open the envelope, you have ninety minutes to prepare your masterpiece. Everything you need is in front of you — except the magic that onlyyoucan provide.'
A hush fell over the audience as Becky, Marvin and Jo picked up their sealed envelopes. Lee, Katie and Lily moved forward to line up with Kelvin and the famous countdown clock appeared behind them.
‘Get ready to open your envelopes!' The clock ticked loudly, the audience and celebrities counting down in unison. 'Ten, nine, eight, seven, six…'
Jo ripped open the flap and gasped.This just might be a piece of cake after all…
CHAPTER27
Jo scoopedthe cake batter into the mould, smoothing it off with a spatula. She popped it into the pre-heated oven while she set about prepping the icing and the other bits and pieces that would bring her creation to life.
'How are we all doing, my lovelies?' Kelvin strutted around the previously immaculate stations, now smeared with flour, marzipan trimmings and droplets of food colouring that resembled a gruesome crime scene — if blood came in crimson, lurid green and dayglo orange.
'It's fine. I'm fine. Totally fine.' Becky's perky persona had dissipated rapidly, her reply laced with a side of tartness. The state-of-the-art Kitchen Aid mixer lay abandoned, the creamy mix dribbling forlornly on to the worktop.
'Hmm, sounds like Becky needs a boost. What do you think, All Risers?'
On cue, the audience stamped and whooped, the judges acting as cheerleaders. Flashing a quick smile at the nearest camera, Jo focused on the task in hand. Four separate bowls of icing, each needing careful colouring to adorn the finished product.
'Looking good, Becks,' cooed Kelvin. 'Maybe better in the oven than out, eh?'
'It'sBecky,' she hissed, upending the bowl of mixture into two rectangular trays. With an almighty clatter she shoved the trays into the oven and slammed it shut.
'Moving swiftly on,' chirped Kelvin, gliding over to Marvin. He'd clearly regained his equilibrium and seemed at ease twisting strands of liquorice into an intricate design. 'Any guesses from the audience as to what divine concoction marvellous Marvin is making?' Kelvin cupped a hand around his right ear as various suggestions were shouted out.
'A caterpillar?'
'It's a horse's tail!'
'Princess Leia's hair!'
'Kelvin's toupée!'
