Page 40 of A Clean Sweep
Tabitha shook her head in mock exasperation as Meryl clamped Adam to her ample bosom by way of gratitude. Coming up for air he winked at Tabitha.
'Don't worry, gorgeous. It's only the vital statistics of the fireplace I'll be checking out. Although if I wasn't already spoken for—' Cue another bout of girlish giggles from Meryl. Right, time to put her cunning plan into action.
'Meryl, this is Steve, Adam's boss and Joe's dad. Steve, this is Meryl, my boss and newest devotee of Where the Hearth Is.' Tabitha felt Adam's hand slip into hers and give a reassuring squeeze as the unwitting players in her self-penned romance greeted each other with warm smiles and handshakes. A few minutes of chitchat followed before Adam glanced purposefully at his watch.
'You know, my stomach thinks my throat's been cut. Why don't we adjourn to Chez Jacques for lunch and seal the dealwith a bottle of bubbly? You too, Steve. Live dangerously and skip the Pot Noodles just this once, eh?'
Steve grinned at Meryl who was looking slightly concerned at his alleged dining habits, whereas Tabitha knew that he was an accomplished cook.
'Please ignore young Adam. He knows full well that such culinary atrocities have never passed my lips. But I do have a soft spot for a medium rare steak and a side of French fries. What are we waiting for?' Extending a gentlemanly arm which Meryl, without hesitation, took, they left the office. A few steps behind them Tabitha smirked at Adam, who kissed the tip of her nose.
'See, I knew they'd hit it off! Just look at them!' She watched as Steve opened the main door for Meryl, flipping the sign to Closed and retaking her arm as they headed to the car park. Adam took Tabitha's hand and began to sing quietly under his breath. 'Getting to know you, getting to know all about you.' He paused, kissed her again. 'You shouldn't read too much into it yet, oh scheming one. Steve is naturally gallant and holding open doors and proffering arms doesn't mean you should be buying boxes of confetti just yet.'
Tabitha nodded as if suitably chastened, but inside was a growing conviction that she had just helped to create a vital spark between two people dear to her heart. Now she hoped that nature – and a glass or two of fizz – would fan the flames.
Jacques welcomed them with his usual manic enthusiasm. For some bizarre reason, he was sporting what Tabitha knew was called a 'Jimmy hat'. Big Tam had been at great pains to explain this unorthodox headgear during their encounter at theScots Wa Haewrap party.
'Ya see hen, it's like a tartan bunnet wi' ginger hair attached. Great fur parties an' that if ye wannae look like a true Scotsman.' He'd gestured to a few crew members – 'Sassenachs, the poor souls' – which Tabitha later learned through Google meant English people. Everyone had been wearing the aforementioned hats and looking distinctly uncomfortable about it. Whereas Jacques wore his with all the pride of a coronated king.
Seated at a corner table and kitted out in their ambiguous bibs, they placed their orders. Steaks all round with fries and a large mixed salad to share. Tabitha had toyed with the idea of goats' cheese salad but the sizzle and whiff of other diners' orders soon changed her mind. She plunged a piping hot chip in the accompanying pot of garlic dip and took a bite. Heaven! Next to her Adam was slicing his slab of meat with all the fervour of a serial killer while across the table Steve and Meryl seemed to be getting on very well.
'No, I've never been married,' announced Meryl who had quickly drained her first glass of bubbly and smiled as Jacques hurried to top her up.
Crikey, thought Tabitha, it didn't take them long to get down to the nitty gritty. Although she guessed Meryl had quickly clocked Steve's wedding band – he'd explained he still couldn't bring himself to take it off – and was keen to ascertain his current status. Given her recent experiences with the male species she couldn't blame her.
'Seems to be going well, doesn't it?' whispered Adam who had already polished off more than half his steak and all his fries. Tabitha slapped his hand away as he attempted to pinch one off her own plate.
'Oi, get your paws off my food! How you stay so slim is a mystery to me. Do you have hollow legs? Or maybe a tapeworm?' She'd never met anyone who could eat so much – third helpings were commonplace – and still have room for dessert. Although he did work out at least three times a week and their handful of encounters of the carnal kind had been energetic to say the least. With Tom, sex had been lovely butthere had been something fundamentally missing. Adam didn't just pass the Tabitha Five Point Test, he ticked off boxes she hadn't even considered before. Like total musical compatibility, willingness to co-operate in her madcap schemes and zero interest in overgrown schoolboys larking around in fast cars.
Jacques reappeared bearing a small chalkboard listing the desserts of the day. 'Ze crème caramel eez magnifique but the cherry cheesecake eez no' bad' he proclaimed in his inimitable fashion. Adam – surprise, surprise – went for the crème caramel. The rest of them declined, opting instead for coffees all round.
'So, what do you get up to in your spare time, Steve, when you’re not flogging gorgeous fireplaces or poking your brushes up people’s chimneys? Although Mum says you leave most of the dirty work to Joe these days. Oops, I mean—’ Tabitha felt an unbecoming flush rise from her chest and spread to her cheeks. She really hadn’t meant to imply anything sordid between her mum and Joe, just that he liked the actual sweeping side of the business. Which brought her back to the charming and eloquent Big Tam. ‘Hae ye had yer lum swept recently, hen?’ he’d enquired when she’d called to thank him for recommending her for the job. She’d briefly mentioned splitting from her boyfriend but hadn’t had a chance to mention the arrival of Adam on the scene. ‘Sorry, you’ve lost me there, Tam,’ she’d replied, with no clue as to what a “lum” was and why it would need sweeping. It was only later – thanks to good old Google again – she discovered it was a Scottish slang term for a lady’s private parts and he’d been asking about her sex life. Eek! She’d suspected Big Tam had a bit of a crush on her but – sadly – her lum didn’t feel the same.
Steve just grinned to indicate he’d caught the double entendre with no offence taken. Adam had nearly spat out amouthful of dessert while Meryl gave her one of her finest headmistress looks.That’s a detention for you, young lady.
‘Not much free time on my hands these days, sadly. The business keeps me pretty occupied, although I do squeeze in the odd game of golf when the weather’s decent. I enjoy going to the cinema and I read a fair bit, mainly crime thrillers and the odd biography. All pretty dull, I’m afraid.’ He looked apologetic, as if he’d just confessed to being an ardent train spotter or collector of porcelain figurines. Meryl looked happy at his response, even if she secretly thought golf was second only to cricket in the ‘watching paint dry’ stakes.
‘No, not dull at all!’ chirruped Tabitha brightly. ‘Maybe you could introduce Meryl to golf, I’m sure she’d take to it like a duck to water. You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Meryl?’ Ha! Revenge for the kimono and all the other atrocities she’d put up with for her darling boss.
‘Thank you, Tabbie. But I’m sure Steve has plenty of willing and able partners on the golf course. Right, Steve?’ Meryl fluttered her eyelashes at Steve, while no doubt mentally figuring out another hideous and embarrassing outfit for Tabitha in the future. Please, please, please let me get this job, prayed Tabitha.
Adam was virtually licking his bowl clean. Lucky he was perfect in so many other ways, thought Tabitha wryly.
‘Any deep, dark secrets, Steve?’ Meryl was fluttering her eyelashes so hard it was a wonder Steve wasn’t propelled backwards with their sheer force. How many glasses had she had, wondered Tabitha? Shy and retiring weren’t words she’d normally apply to her boss, but now she was making a bull in a china shop look light-footed.
Steve again took it in his stride, topping up everyone’s glass from the second bottle that had materialised at the table. Despite Meryl’s sledgehammer approach, he seemedgenuinely taken with her. Tabitha was no body language expert, but she’d noted his chair moving ever-so-slightly closer. The way he lightly touched her arm when making a point. Definite chemistry there.
‘Ah, well. If it’s “show and tell” time, maybe you should go first, Meryl.’ His twinkly eyes sparkled even more. Adam nudged Meryl with his elbow.
‘Come on, Meryl. Let’s hear it! There must be some juicy story you can share with us. A hot lady like you must have got up to some shenanigans.’ Everyone leaned forward expectantly. Jacques, who’d arrived to clear plates, was lingering within earshot. He’d even adjusted the ginger bits to ensure maximum hearing ability.
‘OK, fine. If you really must know I once worked as a kissogram. It was when I was in my early twenties and money was a bit tight.’ Stunned silence around the table. Aside from a tiny snort from Adam, who quickly disguised it as a coughing fit.
‘Crikey! That must be where you get your fondness for making us dress up in the shop.’ Tabitha eyed Meryl with a mixture of incredulity and respect. Even if she was down to her last penny, there was no way she’d ever don a French maid’s outfit and plant a kiss on a sozzled groom-to-be.
‘So, what was your weirdest costume and song and who did you have to deliver it to?’ enquired Adam. Steve had placed his arm around the back of Meryl’s chair, not touching but clearly offering moral support.
‘Not my proudest moment, but I had to wear a bumble bee costume. And sing ‘Honey Honey’ by ABBA to a man retiring after thirty years in the bee-keeping business. He kept tweaking my sting and managed to pull off one of my wings when he went in for a full-blown snog. Urgh, it was revolting.’ Meryl shuddered at what was clearly a best-forgotten memory.
