Page 106 of Not My Type
“Sash wah wrong with yuh?” I can’t stop laughing. This is crazy. Why mi a laugh when this is hilarious?
“Mi just a talk the things dem out a mi clean mouth,” she pops the gum and pats her blonde wig.
“So di bwoy bad inna bed?”
Wah deh girl yah just ask mi?
I shake my head and laugh again. “Lowe mi life nuh miss mi a ask you nuh’n?” I laugh even though I mean it. I really don’t care about Sash’s life.
“My life nah happ’m enuh a your life a happ’m... cas a you everybody a talk bout. All mi a get a bun bun bun suh without cheese,” she takes the ‘d’ out of dramatic.
“Wah you mean by everybody though?” I don’t like the sound of that.
“Everybody a seh a Sandra grand-daughter deh with Prezi which is yuh man ... yuh man is Portmore, Spanish Town and Kingston president!” she claps excitedly.
“Mi all hear say a the wul fourteeeen him run off!”Hear ya?
I roll my eyes with a smile. She extra.
“How dem know that though?” I ask, wondering.
“Jamaica wi live baby! And everybody bou’ yah fass so of course dem ago know... who yuh see a drive dem big car deh round yer? Nobody!! A you mek the top man a come round yer so often and a right a fi yuh gate him a come so dem nuh muss watch weh a gwan?” I shake my head at that. People disgusting.
“Oh,” I simply say.
“Yuh cya get a money off a him fi mi? Mi want a new wig,” she has the audacity. It’s not even funny.
“Yuh mek different,” I laugh though I’m dead serious.
She joins me. “Girl mi affi different, one thing enuh me is a go-getta and mi need the wig and Marko nuh bingo nothing yet... mi seh a go bun him yuh see. Anywayssss, last night mi did go ask Nick fi a money enuh but mi neva’ wah come off disrespectful yuh know so mi affi ask you first since a your man,” she tells me. I want to laugh but this serious. “Mi suh glad yuh neva’ do that,” I say to her.
“Mi nearly dweet enuh, a wah mind seh no,” she sits up. “Tell him seh mi want it fi go a family reunion and mi wah look good so mi can find a rich chappa.” I laugh again. Sash cayliss eeeeh mon?
From Sash come in yer mi cya stop laugh. Cause is she for real?
“First of all mi nah do that... I’ll help you though mi have some money and second of all it’s a family reunion so mi nuh know how you a go with that agenda.”
“Thanks cuzzz! And you stay deh! Cousin and cousin boil good soup!”
Sideeyeeeeee.
A market laugh leaves her lips. “A jokeeee girlllllll! Anuh family alone aguh deh deh,” is her excuse.
Mi nuh put nutt’n pass har.
Her eyes lands on my hair. “A this hairstyle you a wear?”
“Yes mi nuh just do it?” I ask pointedly..
“Oh yeah,” she turns to the mirror. “Well this yah wig yah fi throw weh off a my head.” Here she goes again. I shake my head with a chuckle.
“And dem bright yuh see like dem put down money fi people... a tomorrow enuh, dem just frighten wi so,” she whines. Tomorrow!?
“So sudden?” I gasp.
“Yuh betta believe,” she rolls her eyes. “Mi did a change mi mind from it but mi probably find a man down deh.” This girl...
“You nuh easy enuh, anyways weh the family reunion a keep?” I ask as I leave the zoom meeting and power off my laptop.
