Page 248 of Not My Type
Family members start speaking, each one sharing their memories of Gina, their voices breaking as they try to hold it together. The crying gets louder, and I can feel the weight of it pressing on me. I slip on my shades, hiding the tears I know are coming. My tears start falling when her mother steps up to do the eulogy. Rick was supposed to speak, but he tells Gina’s mother to take over. She’s holding her belly, crying so hard it shakes her entire body. “Mi cyaaaa do this!” Rick puts his arm around her as she folds over the casket. He’s wearing a ski mask too. I glance over my shoulder, seeing Nickoi and the Outlawz—all stone-faced. It’s like they’ve switched off, locked themselves out of the pain.
“Make she get some air,” the pastor says.
I turn my head, trying to shake off the tightness in my chest. The ceremony drags on, the sound of crying filling the air. People step up to pay their respects, some breaking down as they look at Gina. I notice Nickoi isn’t behind me anymore. He’s by the side, standing with Rick.
“Bredda mi a try enuh,” Rick says and his voice breaks. I stop. Him a guh probably feel a way if him know seh mi hear him a cry.
Nickoi puts his hand around his shoulder, walking away. “Member when my woman did dead in a the accident mi never allow miself fi feel enuh and all now mi nuh shed a tear. Mi couldn’t even go to har funeral to how mi did feel and mi still nuh get no closure and it still haunt me,” he says and I look away. Damn..
Mi know him never know me yet but mi wonder if him love her more than me? The way how him talk bout har... How him mean him never love nobody?Zara if yuh nuh shut up..
“Cry if you want to bro and look at her because if you don’t look you will never find closure. The last time you saw her she had blood all over her... that a the last image of her yuh wah member? Mi know seh seeing her dead nuh really better but you will get a chance to accept the situation. She done gone just allow yourself to feel,” Nickoi says and a tear falls out of my eye. I walk back to the wall, pretending I didn’t hear them.
Nickoi steps toward the casket, and Rick doesn’t move, he just stares, lost in it. People glance at her and move, but he’s frozen. I approach the casket, and there she is. Still beautiful, like she’s just sleeping. Most people change, but not her. Nickoi stands at the side, empty eyed. I look at Rick, his tears falling silently. I place my hand around him, offering what comfort I can. He doesn’t speak, but I feel the weight of it all.
“I tried to save her enuh,” he cried and lean on the glass casket. “Maybe if mi did go earlier to the hospital she wouldn’t die.”
“Don’t blame yourself... wi did what we could,” Nickoi steps closer.
Rick glares at him. “Mi nah stop blame miself because mi should a just lef with her and nuh wait!” he shouts in Nickoi’s face. First smaddy a try dat!
“And get shot?!” Nickoi retorts matching his rage. I step forward and Gutta holds me.
“Lef dem... a best friend dem,” he coldly speaks, my eyes blurring.
“At least mi could a seh mi try but wi sit down and wait and then look wah happen!” He slams down his hand on the casket. Why dem nuh stop?
“Calm dung yuhself!” Nickoi warns him.
“Mi know if a Zara yuh wouldn’t calm so why yah tell me that bredda?!” He pushes Nickoi and I move forward. Gutta grabs me again. There’s a lot of confusion because everyone is trying to stop them.
Nickoi shoves him harder. “Bill yuhself... wah fighting me a guh do?” I didn’t know this would happen… honestly.
“Better if a me did dead, yow!” His voice breaks, and Nickoi pulls him into a hug. He cries against him, his body shaking with every sob. The crowd falls silent, taken aback. Who said thugs don’t have emotions too?
“And a nuh you so just be there fi yuh youth... when certain thing gwaan doh question it, everything happ’m fi a reason bruh,” Nickoi’s voice is firm, almost aggressive, but his actions speak of nothing but love.
“Right,” Gina’s mom steps closer to Rick. “I know you’re hurting Rick... mi feel like mi a go dead too but just listen.” He looks at Gina again and walk away.
I touch Nickoi. “You okay baby?”
“Mi Gov’ man,” he lies.
As they lower her into the ground, muffled sobs break out. The pastor says his final words, and it’s time to cover the grave. Rick steps in, Nickoi at the edge with the Outlawz. Rick stares at her, fingers twitching, hesitation heavy in the air.
“Neva’ a cheat and mi nuh get the chance to prove it to you and now it’s too late,” he stares for a while before he continues. “You always seh mi childish and thing but mi a go raise Aden the way I know you wanted to. I love you R-Regina.” He releases a dove and walks away. I’ve never cried in my life like this especially at a stranger’s funeral, but that little speech was so touching I couldn’t help it. I don’t know who wasn’t crying at this point.
Nickoi and him fren dem…
They’re crying on the inside—I know for sure, but they’re guarding their image. Rick, though… he’s too broken to hold it in. I hug Nickoi while Jordane grips his mother’s hand. Her tears streaming down.
“Mi a go miss you baby girl. I enjoyed being your mother Gina and now you’re gone it’s gonna be so difficult, looking at Aden when he’s the dead stamp of you and you’re no longer here. I love you forever pumpkin,” her mom says as the workmen do the finishing rendering of the top. Herhusband puts his arm around her, he has a Vincy accent.
When I finally reach the front, Rick holds Aden in his arms, his friends surrounding him, talking. I take off my shades, and Nickoi’s eyes lock onto mine. “Your eyes dem red, Mami,” he says. I just nod and hug him.
“I don’t know how you do it.” I say, between the hug. All now Nickoi nuh shed a tear.
As everyone gets ready to eat, Aden watches YouTube on his iPad. I think he understands—his eyes hold a quiet sadness. “Ready fi eat?” Rick asks. He just nods. I step in front of Nickoi as he leans on his Jaguar in deep thoughts. His friends are leaning on the car bonnet, we’re at the back. “We a go home today?” I ask and Nicki gives us both a food.
