Page 260 of Not My Type
“Yuh nuh done eat Zara,” Mommy points out.
“I’ll eat it later. I also have to get my uniform ready and study,” I stand.
After giving them all the excuses to leave the living room, I walk into my new room. I put my bags down before I hop onto the bed. Mi nuh understand what is it about Nickoi that pulls me into him so much. Mi literally just find out say him kill Talia’s dad and he’s also the master mind fi the ruthless group that is trending on the news, and here I am on my bed crying for him. I feel the same about him even though I know he’s a killer. Bwoy. The more I think about it the more I regret arguing with him, and I don’t have the guts to call and try to mend our relationship. It’s too late now anyway, him probably hate me.
I think back to Juaqína, and a surge of jealousy runs through me. I hate her. Why is she so concerned about him? She called asking if everything was okay. Why do I get the feeling that he’s into her? I wipe my tears.
When I get into the shower, I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s like he’s the only thing on my mind, and no matter how hard I try, I can’t escape it. I’m tired of crying, but the tears keep flowing. It’s been hours, and I feel weaker and weaker with each drop. All of this, for a man who probably doesn’t even care about me.That would a sad bad.
There’s no way I can do this enuh. I step out of the shower and pat my body dry with my towel. I stare begrudgingly into the mirror, my eyes are red and puffy. I didn’t get any sleep because of the thoughts that were overwhelming me.
A week later…
Everyone thinks I’m fine now, but, as the days go by I feel worst. I realize that this breakup is real, because Nickoi isn’t reaching out and not seeing him for a week isn’t normal, considering that I’m used to seeing him every day. It’s so weird to stare at my phone knowing that he won’t call or send me a message. I’m hurting, but I keep it to myself because mi nuh wah people think mi a mad over man. I am, but that nuh cute. Plus, they wouldn’t understand. My family thinks I’m over it, because I’ve been putting on a façade. I don’t talk about him nor do I cry... well, at least not in front of them. I did cry. Right now? Mi tear ducts inna drought!!
I cry myself to sleep every night. It’s been me against my thoughts every night; and only me, myself and the girl in my head know the crying mess I’ve been. During the days, I would open the act and just go along with my day. Sighhh.
“Girl a cheese pizza mi like,” Sash says and I chuckle as I eat my slice.
I did my last exam, and they decided to buy pizza when we met up in Treez. Gavin says it’s his gift to me because I’m almost out of college and he’s proud of me. “You like every fast food,” Gavin laughs.
“And she nah put on no weight,” I chime in playfully.
“That mi a seh too! A weh the food a go?!” Sash shoves Gavin with a laugh.
As I continue to chew, the more nauseous I begin to feel. I don’t even know what’s wrong with me, I’ve been feeling sick for quite a while now. I lean my head against the wall when I start feeling dizzy.
“Zara yuh wah piece a the pepperoni pizza?” Gavin asks and I shake my head.
My eyes are only slightly open. He widens his eyes looking at me. “Mi nuh like how yuh look,” he panics and I sit up.
Sash looks up too. “A wah do har?”
I ignore them until the wave of queasiness passes, and I feel a little better. I drink my juice as they stare at me. “She just did look like she out fi dead a while ago,” he laughs when he realizes that I’m ‘okay.’ Zara yuh need fi go a doctor because you been a feel so from wen.
We walk out after eating our pizza and Sash runs her hand through the security’s hair. “Thanks, chargie.” She sweet talk the man mek him allow we fi eat in there.
“Suppose yuh mek the man lose him job?” Gavin asks. I chuckle a bit.
“That mi a seh too,” I say and start feeling queasy again. What’s wrong with me?
“A did mi classmate enuh! A true yuh nuh know how him love me,” Sash giggles and I look away and spot Nickoi. He’s wearing a white tees, denim jeans with black kappa slides. We both stare at each other awkwardly. Jesus.
My smile fades. It’s been a week since I’ve seen him and it brings back so many feelings. Aww yuh nuh feel sick again?
He’s walking out of the ATM with Rick next to him. They’re in the middle of a conversation. I can tell he’s surprised too. He masks it quickly, approaching me... well, more like passing. I try to not touch him, but my hip grazes him.
I look back at him crossing the busy street before the white pedestrian light even comes up. His cologne still lingers in my nostrils, ‘my’ plaits grabbed to the back, a little fuzzy, but still neat. Sash and Gavin staring at me in surprise. I get it. I’ve been telling them that I’m over him and I hate him. Now here I am a bruck mi neck a look at him like mi in love all over again. Even after him pass, as if he wasn’t just staring at me. Like we’re strangers. Life of a ya—I turn away, feeling like I’m about to throw up.
I dash through the first store I see, race to the bathroom, and swing it open just as everything comes up. Yuh nuh lock the door enuh!
“Zara!” Gavin calls when he walks in.
“A wah do the dolly?” Sash behind him.
I can’t do nothing but grimace as I throw up. “A so yuh hate Nickoi?” Sash asks in shock. Gavin kneels down beside me and he’s quiet. He holds my hair before he gives his sister his phone.
“Hold this.” I can’t stop gagging.
