Page 110 of Storm in a Teacup
“Her place working on a song. I got kicked out so she could concentrate, but she’s been texting me since I left, so I assume she’ll be here as well soon enough.”
“Good deal. Callum is heading over as well.” David directs his attention back to me. “So, when did the thing with Linny go from fake to real?”
I furrow my brow. “What do you mean?”
He and Rachel exchange a look. “You’re completely obsessed with her,” he says.
“I’m notobsessed.”
“No,” Rachel agrees. “You’re in love with her.” She says that like it’s an established fact.
I look between them. “I-I care about her a lot. I felt myself falling, but I never…landed.”
David scoffs. “Okay, and that long-winded rant you gave me about how amazing she is at the football match was, what? You trying to match my energy with how I talk about Callum?”
I scoff back, leaning my forearms on the bar to address him. “No, but how can I not rant about how amazing she is? Have you met her? Have youseenher?” I shake my head. “Sorry, I directed that last bit at the wrong person.” To Rachel, I repeat, “Have youseenher?”
“Yes, I’ve seen her,” Rachel says flatly. “I’ve also seen you interact with her.”
“Same,” David agrees. “You’re in love with her.” He picks up a rogue lime and tosses it in the bin behind the bar.
I huff. “How would you know?”
“I have eyes, man.”
Rachel sighs and says, “Let’s work this out the long way. How do you feel when you see her? Think about her? Anything.”
“Happy,” I say without thought. “But love is about more than happiness. I mean”—I hook a thumb toward David—“when I was head over heels for this guy, it was devastating.”
Her hands wring together as she glances at David, whose stance has gone stark straight. I hate to admit it, but I find a bit of joy in making him uncomfortable like this. Quietly, Rachel says, “Because it was unrequited, Ben. When love is mutual, it doesn’t hurt. Not the love itself, at least. The simple act of lovingand being loved is joyful.”
I shake my head, even though she may be right. Okay. Fine. So, I fell all the way. I’m in love with Linny, but…
“That doesn’t matter. She doesn’t love me back.” I grasp my drink with both hands, the condensation chilling them through. “I can’t…I can’t do that again. Confess my feelings only to get rejected. It took me forever to get over that buff genius. If I move on from Linny now, I don’t have to deal with that again.” I stare down into the glass.
David cuts in, “I do enjoy how you keep referencing me like I’m not standing right here, but I have to say, I think you’re already dealing with it, Ben. You decided it was over before you gave it a chance to start.”
With a tentative hand, Rachel touches my arm. “Listen, I think you’ve come to associate love with hurt.Thatis why you thought you were in love with David for as long as you did. Because every time you saw him or thought about him, you felt pain. Not because you still loved him, but because of how him not loving you made you feel. Love shouldn’t hurt like that, Ben. Especially when the person you love loves you in the same way.”
“Oof,” David whispers.
My mouth twitches, but it stills as I stress, “Linny doesn’t love me, so the hurt is still there.”
Rachel clicks her tongue. “Are you sure?”
“She doesn’t want to be in a relationship.”
“That doesn’t mean she’s not in love with you.”
“Well, shite.”
“Shite, indeed.”
“When I tell my therapist about this, he’s going to accuse me of cheating on him.” I stand up, backing away from my stool and my friends. “Fecking hell. Don’t make me do the grandconfession thing again.”
Rachel exchanges another look with David.
I drop my head back. “I have to, don’t I?”
