Page 1 of Run For Me
Chapter One
Sailor
The clock in the bottom right-hand corner of my screen tells me it’s a little after three in the morning. I swear it feels like it’s only ten—the time I should have gone to bed. I have school first thing in the morning, and I never act right when I’m tired. My anxiety gets the best of me then.
I close out of the design program I’ve been messing around with for the last hour. The album cover I’m working on only looks worse the more I stare at it. I need fresh eyes, not the blurry, sand-filled ones I have right now.
My hand is on the top of the laptop screen, ready to close it when it chimes with a new chat notification, the little green bubble on the task bar popping up and telling me it’s Sam. With a sigh, I drag my finger along the touch pad and click to open it.
Sam:Why are you still up?
Sam:I thought you had school in a few hours.
Me:I was just about to go to bed.
Sam and I have been dating for over a year now, but we’ve never met in person. I know that’s weird for someone my age. It’s usually adults who do online dating, not nineteen-year-olds who are just starting college, but I’m a bit of a loner. Connecting with people online is easier than meeting people face to face.
Sam:Will you be thinking about me?
Me:I always do.
Sam:When can we meet?
I stare at the screen, reading his words over and over. I’ve answered this question plenty of times before and he never accepts it. He asks repeatedly, hoping for a different answer. Isn’t that the definition of insanity or something?
Sam:It can happen now, baby. I can finally hold you, kiss you, hug you. Now that I’m settled, I can go up this weekend. Just say yes.
My fingers hover over the keys, unsure of what to say. I’ve known Sam for six years. We’ve talked on the phone and video chatted more times than I can count. I know he is who he says he is, but that’s not what’s holding me back. It isn’t fear.
Me:I’ll think about it.
It’s the response I’ve been giving him for the last two months, ever since he told me his college plans changed. Instead of going to Columbia, one of the best schools in the US, he flew across the country and is now registered and completely set up atthe University of Oregon Law School—which he only attended because it was close to me and still accepting applicants.
We never talked about this.
Yes, we talked about meeting many times, but it was just talk. I never expected it to actually happen, never mind him moving five hours away from me—especially without talking to me about it first.
This relationship with Sam was safe because of the distance. Because I lived in Seattle and he lived in Boston—all the way across the country. He was supposed to attend school in New York while I stayed here and attended a small graphic design school in Seattle. We were going to continue our online relationship: texting, calling, video-chatting… maybe even email.
But meeting in person? That wasn’t part of the plan.
Sam:Baby, you always say that. I want to see you.
Me:I want to see you too.
And I do. But also… I don’t. I can’t.
I’m not ready to take this next step, and if anyone should know that, it should be Sam.
He knows everything about me—my entire life story, thanks to uncountable late nights talking and my sleep brain allowing me to be vulnerable.
But also, he was there when my mom died, and again when my grandparents passed just shy of a year ago. I didn’t know him when my dad passed away, but my dad dying is one reason I turned to the Internet in the first place, so I could say he’s the reason I met Sam at all. And Sam knows that. I’d almost say he knows me better than myself—almost.
There is one thing Sam doesn’t know about me, one thing I’ll never share with anyone but my journal. And he can never find out, because if he did, everything between us would change.
Chapter Two
Sailor
