Page 113 of Run For Me
“No!” I shout, searching her face. A sob escapes her. “No, I can’t,” I say, this time more calmly, though I’m barely holding it together.
“Jaxon, please, you’re s-scaring me.”
“Sailor,” I say, unsure what else to say or do. I know what she wants me to do, but the thought of it has me weak. Sick. Fucking enraged worse than anything else I’ve experienced in my life. “I will not let you leave me. You can’t. You… you fucking can’t,” I plead, my voice cracking again.
Her body shakes, tears fall from her eyes.
I drop my hands from her face and step back.
She’s not just scared. She’s terrified.
I did this to her. I fucking did this. Me. The monster.
I knew this whole thing would come back and blow up in my face, but I never expected it to happen like this.
“Please,” she says again. “Just… leave me alone.”
I shake my head in complete disbelief. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to handle all these feelings. I don’t know how to deal with this… this pain. This ache.
“Don’t leave me, Sailor. Please. You’re the only good thing I’ve ever had,” I say, my last plea.
But it does nothing.
Her gaze falls from mine, and she pushes her door open, slipping inside her house. The snap of the lock is so loud, like a bullet to my heart. This feels like she’s locking me away instead of locking herself inside the house.
She knows locks won’t keep me out. She knows what I’m capable of. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? I showed her the monster I can be, the monster I am. And now she’s terrified.
I need to show her that I’m not really a monster. I’m just a man obsessed and in love.
Fuck, I’m in love. I’m mad for this girl.
She’s in my blood, under my skin, burned into every goddamn thought I have. I can’t breathe when she’s not near me. I don’t want to breathe without her. I’d burn the world down if it meant keeping her safe—if it meant keeping her as mine.
Maybe I’ve lost my mind completely. But if losing it means keeping her, then that’s fine with me. As long as she’s looking at me like I’m worth something… As long as she looks at me the way she looked at me before. If I could go back… Fuck, I would do anything to rewind the clock just 24-hours and take us back to yesterday. It was so fucking perfect.
Fuck, this sucks.
Even though everything in me is screaming to break the door down and force myself into her life, I won’t. Because that’s what was done to me. Everything in my being screams at me to stay, but I force my feet back to my car.
I know exactly where I need to go, who needs to pay for this. I did everything Sailor wanted. I gave her parts of me no one had ever seen, certainly never had. We aren’t the ones who ruined this. This isn’t even entirely my fault.
Someone else is responsible for this mess. Someone who is going to pay with their life, and not easily.
I left my mother alone after taking her cell phone, but it was never my plan to leave her forever. And now, with my wrath at its highest, it’s the perfect time to pay her another visit and show her the monster she created.
Chapter Sixty-Four
Sailor
I’m so tired my vision is blurry and I have a pounding headache. I’m far beyond the point of falling asleep. My nerves are shot, and paranoia is setting in. I’ve gone two nights without sleeping. Last night I nodded off a few times, only to jerk awake at the smallest sound. The first time it was a car driving by. The second was an owl.
I have the constant feeling of being watched. I’m on edge, worried that Jaxon is going to show up, not just at my house but in my house. He’s fully capable of that, and I’m not sure what’s stopping him. He’s fucking with me, just waiting for me to let my guard down so he can get me when I’m vulnerable. I should sleep, even if it’s during the day and for a little while. I’m not at my best when I’m tired, but what else can I do? I can’t calm down enough to fall asleep. All I think about is waking up with him looming over me, or him waking me up with his body on top of mine—something I used to crave.
Now, I’m terrified. Of him. Of what allowing my dark and depraved thoughts have done to my life. And all because I wasirresponsible and lost my journal. Because I thought writing all this stuff down was a good idea. I thought letting those parts of me out for Jaxon to see was a good idea. I thought embracing my darkness would set me free.
Why did I think that? Because I’m an idiot, that’s why. I’m dumb and childish and I should never have done any of this.
The semester is almost done, and I was able to reach out to my teachers about finishing the rest of my classes online. They gave me zero push back, which confused me because I didn’t think it would be so simple. But they assured me the Dean would have no issue with it.
