Page 52 of Run For Me
Saturday, I’ll take what she gives me, but then I need to find someone else to move onto. This emotion shit is too much for me to handle. It wasn’t part of the plan.
I drop the book to the floor, scoot under the blankets, and go to sleep. All my classes today are officially skipped.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Sailor
I’ve been playing Solar Surge for hours, trying to pass the time. Yet every time I glance at the clock, only a few minutes have gone by. I knew Saturday would be a long day, but I didn’t expect it to be this long.
At this rate, I’m going to age ten years by the time I have to leave.
My character, a strong warrior troll with pink hair, stops, putting her hands on her knees and bending over. I glance up at her health and realize she needs to sleep. Great. Now what am I going to do?
I check the map and find a place where my character can rest, then head to it so she can sleep. If I speed it up, she’ll recover but it won’t last as long. Letting her sleep in real time means I’ll get more out of her when I play next. I hardly ever speed it up and use the time to take a break from gaming.
A message pops up just as I’m about to log off.
YoungWizard:Hey, haven’t seen you on in a while!
Me:Just been busy with school.
YoungWizard:How’s Sam? He hasn’t been on in a while either.
I sigh, staring at the message. Sam and I have been playing this game together for years and we’ve built a little community of friends. We all know each other pretty well and used to play together religiously. Now that we’re older and a few of us are in college, it’s been hard. I debate whether to tell him that Sam and I have broken up. Ultimately, I decide against it, mostly because I don’t want to get into the details. Besides, he didn’t ask how we were, just how he was.
Me:He’s okay. Busy with school too.
YoungWizard:Which is why I’m not going!
Me:Well, when your hacker skills are as good as yours, I guess school isn’t necessary.
YoungWizard:Don’t I know it.
Me:I was just going to sign off to catch up on homework.
YoungWizard:Catch you later.
I close out of the message and shut my laptop. I lean against my headboard and stare at my phone, wondering if messaging JT would come across as clingy. My stomach rolls with nerves as I think about tonight. Should I do this? I’m not sure, but I wantto. Outside of worrying about him being a serial killer. Which could happen with anyone. I mean, Sam could be a psychopath too. John Wayne Gacy, Dennis Rader, and Gary Ridgeway all had families at some point, so your lifestyle isn’t a good indication of where your head is at.
Just because JT is into this sort of stuff doesn’t mean he’s a bad person. I’m not a bad person.
Huh…
I repeat that in my head again.
I’m not a bad person.
Then I say it out loud. “I’m not a bad person.”
For the first time, I believe that. Just because I want someone to be rough with me doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. I’m not doing anything to hurt anyone. I’m minding my own business and doing my own thing. But what trips me up is how I can have these thoughts with zero experience.
Is that normal?
Do people usually know they’re into rough sex before they start having sex at all? Or is it them having regular sex that makes them realize it?
The only way I even know my way around all this stuff is from watching videos. I’d gone on a kick of watching porn to prepare myself for sex with Sam a few years ago when we first started talking about it. That’s when my thoughts turned dark. After watching the videos and seeing small things that caught my attention over others.
Like a hand on a throat. The woman being blindfolded. Spanking.
