Page 70 of Run For Me
Me:Thank you.
I laugh to myself after I send it because he said last night that I would thank him. And he’s right. I am. Only, I didn’t do it the right way, so I send another.
Me:Sorry. Thank you, SIR.
I don’t think anyone could have made that more perfect. It was exactly what I’d imagined, exactly what I’d been afraid of liking all this time. But the way I feel right now? How could I ever be worried about something like that? Why can’t I enjoy this about myself? If I’m being safe about it and we both consent, then it shouldn’t be an issue. It isn’t an issue. It’s hard to believe I ran from this part of me for so long, because there’s no way I can go back now. This is too much fun. I feel too good today.
My phone dings with a text, so I grab it quickly, wanting to talk to JT. Only, it isn’t him.
Sam:Hey. How are you?
Me:I’m good. You?
Sam:Not great.
I sigh, putting my phone down.
I don’t want to deal with him right now. Maybe that’s mean, but I don’t need his sad mood to sour my good one. I move my phone onto the small table by the tub so I can reach it if I need, then shut the water and fix my hair into a bun on the top of my head before getting into the tub. The water is just a little too hot, so I take my time getting in. I close my eyes and relax, once I’m seated. Despite being sore, my body is thoroughly worked out, muscles aching, but there’s something else. A sense of freedom. Like I’m no longer locked in a cage.
It’s crazy that all of this happened over me losing my journal, which at the time was the worst thing to ever happen to me. Yet, it’s led to this. A freedom I didn’t think I could have otherwise. Making peace with who I am. Accepting myself. Losing my journal jumpstarted this journey, and I’m not sorry about it.
But… what does this mean for JT and me? I’m not naïve to think we’re suddenly going to start dating. JT is not that kind of guy who holds down a girlfriend. I can tell by the way he acts and the way he looks.
My phone pings with another text, but I ignore it. I’m too comfortable to move. Another. I still ignore it, figuring it’s Sam wanting to talk. I’ll deal with him later. Right now, I’m worrying about myself.
I settle deeper into the water. It brushes against my chin, and I sigh, happy and content with life. Until my phone rings. I open my eyes, staring at it from where I am. I can’t see the screen, so I don’t know who it is. But I assume it’s Sam, so I close my eyes and wait for it to stop. Only it starts up right away and this timeI reach for it, annoyed. Why won’t Sam get the hint? But my frustrations go out the window the second I see JT’s name on the screen.
“Hey,” I say.
“Why didn’t you answer my text?”
“Sorry, I’m in the bath.”
He makes a growling sound. “So you’re naked?”
I smile to myself, getting comfortable again. “Yep.”
“How are you feeling?” he asks more seriously.
“Very sore.”
“I’m not sorry.”
“I don’t want you to be.”
It’s silent for a moment, then he asks, “Are you really okay? I need to be sure.”
“I haven’t been this okay in a long time, JT. Seriously, last night was perfect.”
“Yeah, it was.”
I contemplate my words before saying them.
“So that means we can do it again?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely.” I laugh, the sound echoing through the bathroom. “Just not right now. You need to heal. I was rough with you. It was your first time. I don’t want to give you permanent damage.”
“How sweet of you.”
