Page 85 of Run For Me
She’s thinking about me. Wondering if I’m him.
Fuck, she’s beautiful. I keep going even though I hear her footsteps stop.
“The library is closed!” she calls out, her voice echoing through the empty hall. Not wanting to speak and give myself away, I hold up my hand in acknowledgment and turn into the nearest bathroom.
My heart is fucking pounding. How does she do that to me?
Resting my head against the wall, I pull out my phone and watch the dot move out of the building and stop in the parking lot. I stare at the phone for a few minutes, the dot not doing a damn thing. Finally, it moves fast enough I know she’s in her car, and once she’s on the road, I jog out of the building and get into my car to follow her home.
I’m glad she’s okay, and I’m glad she’s going home.
Now if only she’d go back to talking to me like she was before, everything would be just fine.
Chapter Fifty-One
Sailor
Midterms kicked my ass. Though I feel like I can breathe easier, it’s a short time before finals are here. I can’t let myself get behind again; I need to keep myself ahead of the game, stop staying up so late. I need to eat better, exercise, and just take care of myself more.
I’ve been in a strange fog the last few months from dealing with Sam and losing myself in JT—it needs to stop.
As much as I’ve felt better with JT, I’ve realized I only felt better with him because I was being myself. I don’t need him for that. I can very well accept myself, be me, on my own. Relying on him, on anyone, isn’t how I want to be. I don’t want to be that person. I need to do better.
The only thing in my way is letting JT know. I need to tell him this is done. That whatever this was is over. I will not tolerate someone who lies to me.
And when that’s done, I need to apologize to Sam. I need to explain myself to him, and I need to patch up our friendship and hope that he will move forward with a friendship. That’s allI want from him, and I hope he can accept that. If not, I’m not really sure what will happen.
Being in a relationship isn’t what I need right now. There are other things I should focus on, namely myself. I’m young and I have my whole life ahead of me. There is plenty of time to worry about boyfriends later.
But how do I tell JT?
Will I ever know who he is? And am I going to care once this is done?
What if he doesn’t accept it?
That’s an issue I hadn’t thought of until this very second.
What if he doesn’t let me go? What if he thinks this no is like the other no’s? What if he thinks it’s just another level to the game?
It’s been a few days since I’ve answered him. I know he isn’t happy with me, but he hasn’t shown up, so that’s a good sign.
I keep thinking about that guy I saw on my way out of the library last week. I’ve seen quite a few guys who I thought were him, but something about that guy has stuck with me. Bright blue eyes, short, cropped hair, nearly buzzed to his scalp. There were tattoos along the side of his head, above his ear, and even one above his eyebrow.
I don’t know if JT has tattoos on his face. I’ve never seen that much of him.
It could have been him, but it could not have. And I guess it doesn’t matter if it was or not. I need to be smart about this. Though I’ve trusted him up until this point, he is dangerous. He’s already overpowered me, so it’s obvious he could do it again. And if he was angry, I’m sure that strength would heighten. Yeah, JT is dangerous, and I need to be careful in how I do this.
Meaning, telling him outright isn’t the way to go.
Before I deal with that, I get myself settled by taking a shower, changing into comfortable clothes, and eating an entire box of mac and cheese. I make sure I don’t have any homework for the weekend—thankfully I don’t. We all got a break after mid-terms.
So now there’s only one thing left to do.
Talk to JT.
I pick up my phone and send him a text.
Me:Hey.
