Page 19 of This or That
I wish I could reciprocate. Lying to my friends about an upset stomach as an excuse to stay in bed with him while everyone else left and explored Maceio had been my idea in the stupid hope that it would unlock what I refer to as my gay side. Well, it did, up to a point.
Believe it or not, my brain accepted our bare bodies. After the initial revenge kiss, the notion of initiating a kiss with a man, withhim, took some time… but didn’t feel foreign by the end of the day. Neither did caressing or licking his skin. I don’t deserve the patience he exhibits when he repeats that it’s okay to take it one step at a time and praises my determination. The inequity of the situation bothers me; he’s made me come time and time again and then scurries off to take care of himself in the privacy of the shower so that I’m not uncomfortable. I regularly apologize for my cowardice. As much as I enjoy waking up in a tangle of limbs, his prick and our asses are forbidden zones, so we keep dry humping like teenagers.
With one knee on the edge of the bed, I kiss the hollow of his neck. “Someone’s at the door.” My whisper prompts a groan, muffled by the comforter. “Troy, come on!”
“Go get the door, then,” he whines. His gruff voice only lasts for a couple of minutes after he regains consciousness in the morning, and it gets me hard every fucking time! Oblivious to my growing need, he shoots me a happy smile when he turns my way. Tossing the cover aside to expose his glorious nakedness, he pries one eye open.Damn, he doesn’t realize how sexy he is.“And after that…” His eyes strip me bare.
I play dumb and don’t give him the opportunity to finish, peppering sweet kisses on his neck and ignoring his goosebumps and semi. “You and I both know that I can’t do that.” My heart tightens. I’m his distraction. He’s my experiment. We’re each other’s addiction… Shouting it from the rooftops would be stupid. Tonight, we’ll part ways. I’ll explore Brazil for a month. He mentioned the potential of returning to the States for his record deal. I doubt that the future holds anything more for us. Still, I can’t let go.
The pounding at the door escalates. In less time that it takes to draw my next breath, he bolts out of bed stark naked, holds either side of my head in his splayed palms, and sweetly murmurs, “Stay put. Okay?” To conceal his impressive morning wood, he grabs a pair of sweatpants on the way.
I can’t breathe.What if the person insists on coming in?My heart is about to explode. Sitting on the bed, I bite my nails while he apologizes to his manager for sleeping in and informs him that he’ll join him for the business breakfast in fifteen. I hear the door closing, and he’s back at my side in no time. Standing in front of me, he gazes at me, a wicked grin on his face, then drops to his knees. He palms my face before nibbling on my lips and rubbing my left shoulder. “You’re awfully tense!” His deft fingers lower my zipper. “We’re safe, baby. Let me get you off and have my appetizer.”
I can’t relax. “I should go.” My heart tightens as I twirl his curls around my fingers and my other hand covers his to make him stop.
“That’s your go-to line when you’re pissed, huh?” Grumbling, he presses his hand on my solar plexus and pushes me.
“You know, sex isn’t the answer to everything,” I claim as my back hits the bed. My entire body grows cold, heart included.
Unfazed by my reluctance, he straddles me and his mouth conquers my mouth… my body… my better judgment.
I can’t let him. “I should go… I… can’t do this.”
* * *
Let’s see…I completely screwed this one up, didn’t I?
Beads of sweat run down my spine and collect at the small of my back, making me fidget on the beach towel. The masochist part of me is grateful for the discomfort brought forth by the abnormally hot May weather in Rio. This is what I deserve for acting like an asshole. Relieved to be lying on my stomach, I shamelessly enjoy the friction that stirs my manhood to life. I guess that’s all the action it’ll be getting for the balance of my vacation.
Stella’s high-pitched voice tears me from my pity party. “Do you mind putting some lotion on my back?” I tilt my head in her direction. She bats her eyelashes and hands me the sunscreen. Without further ado, she plops onto her stomach, holding her long blonde hair to the side.
In order to be presentable in short order, my twisted mind sends me a flashback of the bar exam, my most unwelcome memory, way worse than my hospital stay. I had no desire to follow in my father’s footsteps. The strategy works like a charm, and I comply absentmindedly, thinking ofThe Girl from Ipanemabecause that’s who she is to me.
“You know, our cruise was so much fun…”
I tune her out and nod whenever she turns my way. Technically, she’s not from Ipanema; that’s where we are. Technically, she’s not tall and tan; who cares if she doesn’t look like the girl from the song? Even the stupidest guy on earth would pick up on her flirtatious nature when we met up with the bridal party two days ago in Rio. She’ll be the maid of honor, and in a couple of days, I’ll be standing next to her as Matteo’s best man.
Thankful to be around my usual group of friends, I nonetheless get lost within my head in no time. No matter how surreal my interlude with Monster Troy seems now that I’ve escaped his spell, I can’t deny it. Last night, the alcohol loosened the girls’ tongues and each conceded that they’d kissed a girl in college. In between drunken giggles, they explained that it was a rite of passage and consequently kissed again, making the men hard. Every man but me. I want to believe that Troy was nothing but an experiment, but that’s clearly a crock of bullshit. This man made my body come alive like no one else… and that means something.
Am I gay?I’ve checked out other good-looking guys since then; no spark. But I’m not immune to Stella’s charms, simply perplexed.
Am I gay?Ever since I kissed Troy back in Paris, I kicked around the idea, especially when Lisa rubbed salt in the wound by reminding me that I couldn’t get it up. The perk that arose from our failed one-night stand is a witty new friend… even better!
Am I gay?I never faked my attraction to women and have since proven that the Lisa incident was a one-time thing. However, my reaction to Troy has led me to question my sanity. Raw. Primal. Uncontrollable. And yet, I battled my desire for him.
I haven’t texted Lisa since I boarded the cruise ship in Marseille, but I’m pretty sure that she would shit a brick if she could read my current thoughts!
Once Stella’s body is thoroughly slathered with sunscreen, I get up, scrunching my nose at the sticky residue on my fingers.
“It’s too hot. I’m going for a swim,” I declare, knowing full well that she won’t follow me until her sunscreen is absorbed. Swimming will cool my boiling head and clean my sweaty body. She expresses her disappointment, but I offer to take her to dinner to brighten her gloomy mood; I need to put my post-Troy theory to the test and give her a try. Her signals are loud and clear. Taking her to bed won’t even be a challenge.
Hours later, the plan unfolds as expected. Her red lips are wrapped around my shaft, but that’s not how I want my release. Her luscious feminine curves also speak to my brain. Her long silky hair is securely fisted in my hand as I take her from behind moments later. Sliding into her inviting pussy feels both comforting and odd. Pounding into her is both satisfying and insufficient. Getting us off doesn’t take as long as I’d hope, which is both shocking and disappointing. Considering we’ll be in close quarters until we get back to the US, I suggest a repeat if we agree to my terms. No commitment. No relationship. No future. Since when have I become so shallow? I’ve always wanted to experience a deep and meaningful connection with someone. And look at me now, insisting upon non-committal sex!
It takes me a week to grow a pair and explore a side of me that Troy unleashed. Hooking up with Stella until we part ways in New York doesn’t make sense anymore; at least, I’m honest with someone. It’s time to do the same with myself.
Who would have thought that pay-per-view could help? Slightly inebriated to take the edge off, I’m naked in my lonely hotel bed. Soon enough, my breathing grows labored. I haven’t watched porn in months; it’s as efficient as ever. Soon enough, my skin’s on fire. I can’t fathom why witnessing other people fuck is so arousing. Soon enough, my erection is engorged. The close-ups are kind of too much. The dirty talking is too much. The humongous penises are way too much. But it does the trick. This time, though, I sit on my hand until I almost burst. With my heart thumping in my chest, my release is fast, messy, and powerful.
Fuck, that felt awesome!
