Page 9 of Blazing Desires
Davina is in between the large bed and the deep-seated sofa. Behind me are the bookshelves, filled with rows of books upon books.
I had clocked them when I did the sweep of the room—hard not to considering they took up a whole wall—and the sight had drawn a small smile from my lips. Mea Divina always loved to read, and it warms me to see she’s expanded her collection since I last saw it.
We used to spend so many days reading together. Around the grounds, in the library, and in this very room, although it was decorated completely differently back then. Her bedroom is much more grown up now, with no fairy wallpaper in sight.
My favourite moments with her were when I had a book in my hands. I’d be reading her favourite story to her, about a girl who was able to break free from her chains and fly away from her sorrowful life.
I’d glance up from the ink-filled pages, the pull to her so strong that I found myself doing it after every sentence to see her face smiling back at me, her eyes full of wonder, excitement, and hope. I knew she wanted to be the girl in the story, to escape her parents’ the arguments, the strict rules she had to follow, and all the people she had to be around who never spoke to her. I knew in those moments that she would be mine, that I would do anything to keep that pure happiness on her face. To remove any need for hope and instead make it her reality.
But she’s not mine to save anymore, I remind myself. She’s mine to destroy.
“Answer me, Blaze.”
I’m pulled out of my memories and see her standing with her fists clenched hard at her sides. Her knuckles are white from the strain, balled with enough force that I’m sure her nails are leaving crescents in her palms. I push away from the door, eating up the space between us and pulling her hands in mine. I open her palms and turn them face up before she can even react. I’m right—there are perfect crescents dotting her palms in blood.
“Careful, love.”
I raise the palm of her right hand to my lips and kiss the imperfections marring her soft, pale skin. I do the same to the left. My gaze is on hers as my lips touch her skin delicately. Her eyes watch the movement before landing back on mine, softening for a moment and then gone as quickly as it came.
She wrenches her hands from my hold and retreats from me, not stopping until she’s pressed against the wall between the windows overlooking the back of the property. Her silhouette is framed by the dark grey clouds that have been threatening rain all morning.
“Don’tfuckingtouch me.”
She raises her voice but jerks her head to look over my shoulder, like she expects someone to burst in at her shout, but nothing happens. I watch her fold in on herself in defeat and fear as she expels a shuddering breath.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have shouted. Please don’t touch me again, Blaze.”
The polite tone and submissive body language pisses me off. She should be able to set her boundaries without worrying about the consequences. Her fists clench again but before her nails can press in, no doubt causing more damage, she flexes her hands at the last moment.
Good girl.
I take a moment to calm myself, not wanting to make her think I’m angry with her. Her behaviour in her father's study when she met my eyes for the first time replays in my mind and makes sense to me now.
I need her to trust me.
“I won’t touch you again, love. Not unless I have to for your safety, or until you ask.”
I don’t close the distance between us, even as I ache to. Instead, I tuck my hands into my pockets, the softness of herskin etched into my closed fists enough for now as I wait for my words to land.
“I—I understand.”
Her voice trembles, she still won’t look at me directly. Davina’s words are aimed at my chest and that is when I see the tears building in those lovely eyes of hers as she tries to not let them fall. The sight nearly brings me to my knees. My mind wars with itself, wanting to reach out and hold her, wiping the tears away, but also knowing I must respect her ask.
I’m a hypocrite though—I want to comfort her whilst knowing I’m going to be the one to put the tears back in her eyes eventually.
“Who thefuckhurt you? Who made you so fucking afraid to look a man in the eye?Queaso,please.”
Desperation coats my tongue. I need to know who the fuck I’m going to be killing, I might end up hurting her, but I’ll make anyone who has put their hands on her pay first. My jaw clenches over and over whilst I wait for her to confess.
Davina shakes her head at me, the soft curls of her auburn hair swaying with the movement. Her lips press together in a thin line to stop the words from spilling over while her gaze never moves from my chest. Her breaths deepen as she works to calm herself down.
The longer I see her distress, the harder it is to keep the distance between us. I long to take her into my arms and hold her close, to soothe the pain that I can see written on her face. But if I do that and ignore her boundaries, she will never see me differently. I’ll be the same as everyone else in this house, or whoever it is that has put her through enough pain to make her react like this.
Davina’s head shakes again, as if to clear her thoughts, taking one final deep breath before she responds to my question,
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Blaze. I’ve only just met you and your assumptions are incorrect. I don’t wish to discuss anything with you. It’s been a long week and I need to get lost in a book. So, if you’ll excuse me, I would like to go and read, please.”
I’m not going to get anywhere with her today—I can see that she’s put walls up between us. I’m a fool for thinking it would be this easy to remind her how our pasts had been entwined. I give a curt nod, swallowing my frustration.
