Page 53 of The Sins That Bleed
I have no choice but to tip my head up but I can’t see him. He doesn’t want me to so I close my eyes and enjoy the closeness of him. This might be the last time I feel him against me like this and I’ll be damned if I won’t enjoy it.
“Be disgusted all you want, Rai. Assume the worst about me, but you’re not going anywhere. You know nothing about me or why I do the things I do. You think I like using my body to gain the upper hand? It’s all I fucking know! Most men are vile, arrogant fucks when you need something from them, and they take whatever they want. So shoot me for playing them at their own fucking game!”
My chest heaves with fury, a lifetime of pent-up anger spilling over before I can shove it back down into the dark pit of despair in my mind.
His grip loosens at my words, at the hurt in them, and I pull myself away from him. I need to get out of here and away from him before I reveal too much of myself. I head towards the door, preparing to lock him in myself, but I barely have it open before it slams shut. I look up and see Rai’s large hand flat against the door.
“What do you mean it’s all you know, Valeska?” His words are soft, dangerous, and it’s making me want to confess my sins.
“It doesn’t matter, you don’t like me, and I don’t like you. Let’s go back to hating each other while you stay safe inside this tower and forget about everything else.” I tug on the door but of course it doesn’t budge, I don’t have any fight in me left.
“Tell me what you meant.” He uses a free hand to turn me against the door.
It’s too late to stop the tear from falling down my face and he sees it, tracking the wet trail before using his thumb to swipe it away. I don’t want to cry, I don’t want him to see me weak and vulnerable when he already hates me so much.
“Talk to me, mon cauchemar. Help me to understand you better,please?” He practically begs me, his face shifting from rage to concern as soon as more tears fall.
So much for keeping them in.
“All my life men have used my body at their will, to fuck me, hurt me, use me and control me. So I’m not going to apologise for using my body to do the same. I wouldneverforce someone else to have their body subjected to the things I have for gain; they consent to it because I know what it’s like to have no fucking choice!” I scream the words at him and he stumbles back.
The tears fall faster now; I need to get out of here before I completely break into millions of pieces in front of the one man I never wanted to see the true darkness inside of me. I grip the door handle behind me and tug, slipping through the small gap and slamming it closed.
“Valeska wait?—”
I ignore Rai as I turn and I run.
CHAPTER 23
Hide & Seek
RAI
Istand frozen by the threshold of the door Valeska slipped through like smoke through my fingers. The angry rhythm of my pulse now my only company.
What the fuck just happened?
I wrench the door open, not caring if it slams into the wall. The violent, incessant need to follow Valeska, to comfort her and tell her I’m sorry consumes me.
I am wrath incarnate. I’d been angry because I was jealous, because I wanted to be the one on my knees exploring that silky pale flesh of hers. Now, I’m straight up furious at all the things she’s been through at the hands of others, all the things she carries on her own, always taking care of everyone else.
But who’s taking care of her?
Mostly, I’m mad at myself for the things I said and accused her of. I lashed out and tipped her over the edge when she was already judging herself so harshly. I’m a fucking idiot and I need to find her to put it right, to show her she’s not alone.
She said I didn’t like her but that’s not true, not anymore, and I know deep down she doesn’t feel like that either. We haven’t felt like that since the roses turned up on my doorstep, the ones that got trashed and the ones she since replaced in my suite here.
I never thanked her. I’m such a dick.
I look in every direction of the hall but I see no signs of her anywhere. How did she get away so fast? She can’t have got far; I close the door to my suite and head toward hers. I twist the handles on the double doors, but they don’t budge.
My fists pound so hard on the decorative doors that they rattle on the hinges. I pause, listening for footsteps or some other sign that she is on the other side of the door, that she’ll open up and fight with me some more. Anything is better than her ignoring me.
Nothing.
I consider that she’s gone to her office so I turn and run in that direction, but something stops me. It’s like something is tugging at my chest. I can’t explain it, but I know I’m going in the wrong direction. It’s odd but I’ve always trusted my instincts so I don’t stop now. She’s in her suite, I know it, but I can’t get in.
And Ineedto get in, my desperation is starting to bleed into panic.
