Page 58 of The Sins That Bleed
Always of her.
My head poundsso I reach up with my hands to massage my temples.
I’m starving and thirsty, as if I’ve not had anything to eat or drink for days. I throw the covers back and head out to the kitchen, the room spinning as I walk so I have to hold myself up using the walls.
It takes me twice as long as it should, but I finally make it to the kitchen, switching on the lights under the cabinet to avoid making my headache worse with brightness. I find a glass in the cabinet and fill it with water, downing the glass in a few gulps and refilling it. I do it a couple more times until my brain no is no longer trying to run away from my skull.
I’m bombarded with everything that happened and I grip the counter. “Fuck.”
I can’t make sense of it, one minute we were fine and then utter chaos descended. I reach a hand up and tentatively touch my neck to check for wounds where Valeska bit me, but I feel nothing. Did I dream it?
I move to the mirror in the hall and look at my neck and find nothing. I shift closer and tilt my head in hopes that will help and that’s when I spot them, two small puncture wounds where my veins crawl up my neck. They look more like tiny red hickeys than anything, but they’re definitely there.
I don’t want to acknowledge it, my mind is unable to wrap around the concept that she is anything other than human. I need her to say it, to tell me herself and make it a reality.
I want to find her.
My stomach growls, echoing in the silent entryway, telling me I need to eat before I can do anything else. I make my way back into the kitchen, opening cabinets and looking in the fridge, but indecision is warring through me, and the thought of standing and making something has me a little light headed.
I’m gripping the counter for a second time, letting the woozy feeling pass, when I hear a soft knock at the door. My heart begins to pound at the thought that it might be Valeska, but deep down, I know it won’t be.
The thought of moving right now to answer it is filling me with anxiety, I’ll pass out for sure if I try. I concentrate on breathing evenly and waiting for this feeling to stop when another knock comes with a muffled voice on the other side.
“Hey, I’m coming in, princess, so you better be decent.”
Nico.
Relief and guilt flood me—he’s here and he’ll help me even after all those nasty things I said about him and Sunny. Fuck, I don’t deserve him at all. The familiar stinging in my eyes threatens to spill tears but I hold them back. He needs to know how sorry I am.
That I didn’t mean any of it.
I hear a key turn in the lock, but I stay where I am, my body tense and locked up. Having to face him and see the hurt I’ve caused is something I want to delay for as long as possible. I know that makes me selfish, but it’s the only thing I can control right now.
My anxiety is spiralling at all the what if’s.
“Hey, princess, how you holding up?” His voice is soft and calm, and it takes everything in me not to break down.
“You know, surviving.” I try to shrug but it comes out jittery, emotion clogging my throat.
I grip tighter onto the counter and bow my head. This light-headedness won’t go away and it’s pissing me off. I hear Nico come further into the room until he’s right next to me and places a tentative hand on my shoulder.
“You need to eat. I’ll cook something up for you, but you should probably go back to bed. Did you manage to drink something?”
“Yeah, I had a couple of glasses of water. I’ll be fine though. I can make something myself, no need to babysit me.” I try to joke but it comes out strangled.
“I’m not here to babysit, Rai, and I wasn’t really asking. What happened yesterday was fucked up, but right now, you need someone to take care of you and I’m the one that’s going to do it.”
“Why?” I demand. I’m trying to push him away because the thought of him helping me after what I said makes me feel like the shittiest person ever.
“Don’t argue with me, princess, you’re my brother, and brothers look after each other when they can’t do it themselves. Before you say anything to argue against it, just drop it for now at least, please? We can talk about it all when you’ve eaten and have more energy, not while you’re one thought away from a panic attack. Now, let’s get you to bed.”
I blow out a breath, holding onto his words about us being brothers and hoping that it’s enough to make him not hate me. The vice squeezing my heart and lungs loosens a little.
“Okay.”
I stand up straight, taking my time to reach my full height to keep the dizziness at bay, and Nico places a hand on my back. He helps me turn and I take a few steps, but my legs are like jelly, wobbling underneath me. Nico props me up, slinging my arm over his shoulder wordlessly and practically carries me to the bedroom.
He helps me climb in, propping my pillows behind me so I can sit up. I lean back and close my eyes against the spinning room; this out of body feeling is making me more anxious and the urge to clean so I can give it somewhere to go is overwhelming.
