Page 86 of The Sins That Bleed
It crosses my mind, but I don’t act on it.
Finding my sister didn’t go at all how I thought it would. I expected us to hug and cry and everything would miraculously be like we never were separated. Instead, it’s been awkward and hard, there’s an ocean between us and I have no idea how to get to her.
I hear Nico shut the door behind him; without turning I know he’s blocking it so I have to face my sister. I sigh and decide to get this over with. It’s going to be painful anyway so we might as well go through with it.
I cross my arms and lean against the counter behind me and wait for her to continue. She looks to Nico for support and I see him nod in my periphery. I should’ve known he will always support her even if he didn’t know she was coming tonight. I’m glad he’s looking out for her when I’m struggling to even talk to her.
“I’m not going to stand here and say that Valeska didn’t keep a massive secret from you, because she did, but it’s not the full story and I can’t stand the thought of you hating her when there is more to it than that.”
I stay silent as she talks, convinced there’s nothing she can say that will undo this for me.
“I knew.”
That gets my attention, and I tear myself away from the counter as I take a step toward her. I slam into Nico and he shoves me back to the counter.
“Stay where you are, Rai, and let her talk. You won’t get in her face, otherwise I’ll have to step in and I don’t want to have to do that.” Nico sounds pained but I respect him and stand back, grateful that he’s so willing to protect her.
Even though she can protect herself, but she shouldn’t have to be protected from me.
Herbrother.
Once he’s satisfied that I’m not going anywhere, he stands beside me, ready to honour his promise if I don’t stay here and listen to what she has to say. My heart pounds in my chest. She knew and she still didn’t want to get to know me.
It fuckinghurts.
I watch her wring her hands together. “I found out a couple of months ago, after that night we found her in the bathroom. I’d—I’d been blindsided and I wanted to hate her but after some time to process it, I understood why she’d hidden it from me. How could she tell me my brother was living under the same roof when she’d turned me? She wasn’t sure what would be worse, you thinking I was missing and potentially dead, or actually dead but a vampire.”
She shrugs, but there’s so much tension in the movement that it betrays how hard this is for her.
I say nothing as she speaks, that night a vivid memory etched into my brain, and now it makes sense. All the guilt she carried and the lie that was right in front of us the whole time.
“After I found out, I made her promise that she wouldn’t say anything to you. I wanted to be the one to tell you if I thought that would be best, but then she got that stupid letter. I didn’t get the chance to tell you myself, I needed time to process what I’d discovered before facing you, but days turned into weeks and then it was too late.” Tears track down her face, but I’m frozen to the spot.
She’d wanted to tell me.
It doesn’t stop it from hurting, but with every word from Azara, I understand the difficult position Valeska had been in. One that drove her so close to a death that is hard to come by, and it hits me how bad she’s been hurting. Now I’m the one punishing her further.
Nico moves to my sister and wipes the tears from her cheeks. She lets him, and he whispers something to her as my mind whirls with this new information. I need to get to ma reine, ask her to forgive me for being so cruel and thinking that she would do this for her own amusement or benefit.
I’m no better than anyone else that’s treated her like shit.
“Don’t take this all out on V, she—” she sobs but I cut her off
“It’s okay, Az.” The childhood nickname I used to call her slips out and her eyes widen in shock. “It all makes sense now, and I understand how hard it must have been for you both to decide whether to tell me. One day, when you’re ready, we’re going to talk about what happened and how it led you down this path, but I need to earn that.”
This time it’s me that has tears running down my face. I’ve been a shit brother—all I wanted was to have her back in my life, and I’ve spent this whole week trying to forget about her and Valeska.
Nico turns to me and wipes my tears but it’s pointless, the tears fall faster and all three of us are crying now anyway.
“I’m so sorry, Az, I couldn’t protect you back then, and now that I finally got you back I’ve been a shit brother to you. I’ve missed you so fucking much and I never stopped searching; I’ve spent my entire life looking for you so I could bring you home.”
She comes closer to me and throws her arms around me, so I do the same. We stand there in a kitchen that doesn’t feel like home, holding each other tight as we cry. Cry for all the things we missed, all the memories we couldn’t make, and all the heartbreak we endured.
After a while we’re both enveloped in Nico’s arms, barely able to register his words as he declares, “Group hug!”
We stay like that until Nico’s belly rumbles loudly, making us all laugh. I’m so grateful to have them in my life, but we’re one short, the final puzzle piece to my family is somewhere all alone. A tortured soul that deserves to be loved and cherished, flaws and all.
We all carry secrets, committing sins that bleed us dry and robs us of life.
