Page 19 of Chaos Theory
‘Don’t we all, pet, don’t we all. Listen, Kobi, we have all sorts working here. We are going to treat you just like every other member of staff, all right? In fact, I’ve got some homework here for you.’ She picks up a USB stick from the desk. ‘Now, on here, I’ve put all our company policies and the employee handbook. I want you to read all of these documents and agree to them, okay, love? I’ve put them on here to make it easy for you to read them. Now, where shall I…?’
She looks at me, but Kobi says, ‘I will read them now.’
He steps forward to position himself directly in front of Sandra. He places his hands onto her shoulders. I expect her to recoil, but she doesn’t move. I can tell he’s scanning her face.
‘Shane was correct. You are an objectively beautiful woman,’ he tells her.
I’m never leaving those two alone again. Shane and Kobi, I mean.
‘Kobi!’ I say. ‘Sorry, Sandra, he can come out with some random stuff.’
Sandra just laughs lightly. I hear a low buzzing sound as Kobi opens up a hidden compartment in his lower abdominal region. ‘Please be gentle,’ he says. I can’t tell if he’s joking.
‘Sandra, you don’t have to…’ I begin, but Sandra speaks at the same time.
‘It’s okay.’ Her voice is soft. She tilts her face up and looks into Kobi’s eyes, such as they are. Without looking down, she inserts the USB stick into the slot. She emits a small sound, then smiles. Kobi’s compartment door buzzes back into place.
‘Thank you,’ he says, releasing Sandra’s shoulders.
She takes a step back and touches her hair. Her voice resumes its normal volume. ‘Okay, now, when you’ve read all those…’
‘I have read them,’ Kobi says.
‘What do you mean?’ she says.
‘I have read all of the documents. There are three typos – below average for human-created documents – and the diversity policy needs an update.’
‘Ooh, you are fast, Kobi. Isn’t he fast, Maeve? Mind you, speed is not always a good thing, am I right?’
I suddenly remember my Monday morning presentation at the all-hands meeting.Whydid I say that Kobi would help two people by the end of the week? ‘Sandra, can Kobi help you with anything while he’s here?’ Then I remember that I specifically said the two people would not be JP or Sandra.
‘Let me have a think. D’you know what? Kobi, why don’t you do me a favour and create a report with the title “Staff compliance with HR policies”. That should keep you busy for a while. You can send it to me in a couple of weeks when it’s done.’
D’oh!I try and fail to imagine a scenario where this is seen as helpful to anyone other than JP or Sandra.
‘Well, I suppose we should be getting back…’ I say.
‘Maeve, hang on a minute. Kobi, love, would you mind waiting for Maeve in the corridor? We just need to have a quick chat.’
My pulse spikes. A ‘quick chat’ with HR is never a good thing. I reluctantly lead Kobi into the corridor and give him strict instructions not to interact with anyone. I position him so I can keep an eye on him through the glass door, angling the chair in front of Sandra’s desk before I sit in it.
‘Sandra, just to let you know, Kobi’s hearing seems to be really good, so he’ll probably be able to hear whatever you say.’
‘That’s okay. So, tell me, how are you getting on?’ She gives me a closed-lip smile, her head inclined sideways. I’ve seen that look before. A mix of concern and sympathy. Just for a second, I’m back at my father’s funeral. I push the memory away, hoping the dull throb in my solar plexus will go away with it. Wonder what Kobi would say about human versus robot memory.
It’s time for a game of HR poker. ‘Ah, you know…’ Shane says vagueness is a trump card.
Her smile fades. ‘The thing is, Maeve, we really want this to work out.’ I guess two can play the vague game. I want to ask what she specifically means by ‘this’, but I don’t want to show my hand.
‘JP will be very disappointed if this doesn’t go well.’ Her eyes flick to the door. Okay, so she means The Kobi Project. ‘He’s trying to embrace innovation, you know.’
I almost burst out laughing. Has she been down to the IT department lately?
‘Well, I’ll try my best,’ I offer.
‘Good, because if you can’t cope, we can ask Jen to take over.’ Doesn’t she know about Jen’s high blood pressure? Or maybe she does, but doesn’t care? ‘And I suppose we’ll find something else for you to do.’
‘Something else? Why do you say it like that? You mean my normal job, right?’
