Page 34 of Chaos Theory
‘And you work for Ireland!’
‘Not exactly. We try and promote visiting Ireland, yes. That’s our job. But that doesn’t mean we go around like it’s St Patrick’s Day every day.’
‘I thought the Irish loved being Irish.’ I can’t tell if he’s teasing me or being serious. ‘It’s pretty much all you guys talk about when you’re abroad.’
True.
‘Abroad – yes. When we’re at home all we do is moan about it.’
‘That’s still talking about it,’ he says with a smile that slowly fades. He clears his throat. ‘I thought you’d love it.’
I feel bad. I pick up a bright orange piece, put it down again.
‘Maybe it’s not that bad. It just takes a bit of getting used to, is all. It’s just’ – I can’t help myself – ‘I think he’ll look more like a mascot than a robot.’
‘Well, that could be a good thing, no? You said he wasn’t doing well as a robot. Maybe people might be less suspicious of a mascot. Back home, mascots are a big thing. People love them. Look, let’s get him fitted out and see what he looks like. Hand me that long piece, will you?’
How will Kobi react to becoming a walking robotic tricolour? He was designed and programmed in Ireland – is he technically Irish? And what will my colleagues say? Will this be another reason to complain about him?
On the bright side, maybe this could give people something innocuous to focus on. Jen Mason is affectionately known as DC; people think they have her figured out, based solely on her excessive fondness for a particular kind of soda. Perhaps Kobi could become ‘tricolour guy’ or ‘IRE-robot’. Find his place in the pantheon of office staff.
Josh is busy doing sticker art with Kobi, peeling a transparent layer from each component before sealing it flat against the robot’s torso, arms and head. He places the clear accordion pieces over the joints.
Kobi’s trunk now gleams satsuma orange; his arms and legs shine emerald green. His head, mercifully, remains white. The colours glow metallically, as true as a spray paint job. Will my colleagues find this relatable? Could they possibly findit…endearing?
‘Shall we wake him up?’ I ask when Josh’s work is complete.
‘Go for it.’
I bring Kobi back to life. ‘Hey there,’ I say gently. ‘The operation was a success.’
‘Greetings, Maeve. Greetings, Josh. It is good to see you both.Processing. I do not feel any different.’
‘Look down,’ I say.
Kobi scans his arms and leans forward to assess his lower half. He does not say anything. He takes a step forward.
‘Whadayathink, buddy?’ says Josh. ‘You like the colours?’
‘I look like…Processing. I look like an Irish superhero,’ says Kobi.
I laugh. ‘You do! Captain Ireland. Your superpowers are talking about the weather, only expressing emotion through song and feeling simultaneously inferior and superior to everyone else in the world.’
‘Do you like it?’ asks Josh.
‘I love it,’ says Kobi.
TWENTY-ONE
Wednesday, 4pm
While the Social Committee is officially a democratic organisation, it is in fact helmed by a benign dictator, in the form of Sandra Smith. That’s according to Shane’s daily message updates to me. He’s hinted that a coup may be on the cards before too long.
Yesterday, we all got an email invitation to ‘Art therapy with Trish Horgan’. So we are now gathered in the gift shop for the first work social, overlooked by Trish’s monstrous creations. I remind myself that Trish is married to JP and turn my attention towards the centre of the room, where my boss’s boss’s wife is busily unpacking art supplies.
Two rows of easels form a circle around the room, each one equipped with paints and brushes. I lead Kobi to one of them, smile to reassure him. ‘I’ll be right behind you in the next row, in case you need me. But this is a chance for you to, y’know, mingle. Get to know your colleagues. Try to have fun.’
Shane takes up a position to Kobi’s left, a move we agreed on earlier. Shane is good with people. Popular, without trying. Maybe some of it will rub off on Kobi. One by one, all the easels find an artist, except for the one right next to Kobi. Dave is the lastto arrive. He tuts loudly as he accepts his fate and his position next to the newest member of staff.
