Page 45 of Chaos Theory
‘Can you share this formula with me or is it patent-pending?’ he says.
‘It’s open source, actually.’ Might as well lean into it, I suppose. ‘I call it CCSS. It stands for Conversation – Chemistry – Sense ofhumour – Safety. You need all four elements as a starting point.’ I inhale the last of my rum. ‘And you can take that to the bank,’ I add, as if I’ve just handed him the secret to everlasting life.
He gets onto my wavelength. ‘Interesting work, Dr McGettigan! Now let’s see if your theory holds up to peer review. Conversation – someone you can talk to. I’ll allow it. Next we have chemistry – definition pending. Sense of humour – no arguments here. What was the last one? Safety?’
I turn to face him. ‘I keep trying to remove that one from the formula, but every time I do, I end up needing to put it back in. It just means the person has a fundamental regard for safety, yours and their own.’
He laughs, then drains his glass, and I wonder if he’s mentally checking to see if we have all four elements of the formula right now.
I raise my hand to attract the barman’s attention, but Josh intercepts it and suddenly we are holding hands for no reason.
‘Let me get these,’ he says.
I do my own arithmetic as he orders us another round.
TWENTY-FIVE
KOBI
Wednesday, 0930
Maeve has arranged for me to spend today in the customer relations department. She tells me that she and Josh have decided I am ready for this challenge. Before delivering me to the department, she gives me a list of ‘trigger words’ to avoid using today. These include key phrases such as ‘maximum productivity’, ‘efficiency levels’ and ‘no, thank you, I would prefer to work through tea break’.
David and Julia are my assigned work buddies for the day. Their cubicles are located next to each other, separated by a 5-foot-high fabric wall. I stand to attention outside the cubicles, awaiting instruction. I can see both of them, but my calculations tell me they do not have line of sight of each other.
‘Now, Kobi,’ Julia greets me, ‘are you going to behave yourself in here today?’
Her directness is surprising but also a relief. I wish all human communication were so clear.
‘Yes,’ I reply. I modulate my voice to convey enthusiasm. ‘How can I help you today?’
‘We were thinking of putting you on the phones, weren’t we, Dave?’
While chatbots have their place in the world of online customer service, the phone call is strangely resistant to technological evolution. Humans still prefer to talk to humans. So it is a privilege to be awarded such a trusted position. However, my conversational comprehension benefits from analysis of the additional data that can be gathered beyond voice, such as hand gestures, body language, and eye contact or avoidance. In short, phone calls make me nervous.
David does not appear to have heard Julia as no response is issued. She picks up a small hedgehog-shaped object and throws it over the partition wall. It connects with David’s head. From the sound, I postulate that the hedgehog may be a plastic composite, perhaps containing elements of rubber.
‘What’s wrong with you now?’ David asks. I do so admire the communication skills of this department’s employees.
‘Phones,’ Julia says. ‘We might as well get some use out of this fella. Not that Maeve gave us much of a choice, did she?’
‘Ah, she’s just doing her job,’ David says. ‘It can’t be easy. Sorry. Eh, no offence, Kobi.’
‘None taken,’ I reply. I am pleased to issue the customary rejoinder to this call-and-response phrase.
‘She’s spending a lot of time with that Josh guy, isn’t she?’ Julia says.
‘Jules,’ David says.
‘What?’ Julia says. ‘There’s no harm in it.’
Although David does not speak, Julia seems to have heard something because she says, ‘What’s it to you, anyway?’
David makes a sound that could not be classed as intelligible. Then he says, ‘I just feel a bit bad for Shane.’
‘Why?’ Julia asks.
I must admit I am also curious to know the reason.
