Page 12 of Chaos Theory
‘Yeah, we all know what “help” is code for,’ she says spikily.
‘What is it code for?’ Kobi asks. ‘I am always interested in code.’
Dave laughs. Julia joins in. Although I’m glad they’re laughing, I feel like I’m not included in the joke. I try to defend myself.
‘Hey, I’m not the bad guy. It wasn’t my idea for Kobi to be here.’ I look at the robot, standing alert beside me, awaiting instruction. I feel a little pang. I remember what it’s like to be new. ‘Sorry, Kobi. I’m glad you’re here.’Let him process that little white lie.
‘It is nice to be here,’ Kobi says. I almost feel sorry for him.
‘Dave and Julia do the job that I used to do here – customer service. Julia, do you want to describe your job to Kobi?’
‘Sure,’ she says, settling in at her workstation with just a hint of an eye roll. ‘We answer the phone and emails. It’s mostly tourists looking for advice: where’s the best place to go, to stay, to eat – that kind of thing. But most of the information is already on our website, so it’s usually just a case of directing people to the right place.’
The website.Oh no.How long until somebody notices a problem? How long until Jen can fix it? And is there any chance of the latter being faster than the former?
At least Kobi provides a distraction. ‘It surprises me,’ he says, ‘that given the advances in voice automation technology, humans are still required to answer telephones.’
‘Kobi!’ I cough and try to elbow him, but my arm just clunks against solidness and elicits no response.
‘’Sokay,’ says Dave. ‘As a matter of fact, the company did try to bring in voice automation for phone queries a couple of years ago. Remember that summer, Jules? But come August they got rid of it. Said it was too impersonal – the tourist experience should begin the moment you first speak to someone in Ireland. We’reauthentic, apparently.’ He leans back in his chair, basking in his apparent authenticity.
As if on cue, Dave’s and Julia’s phones both begin to buzz gently. ‘See, the hotline is ringing again. It never stops.’
‘I’ll get it,’ says Julia. Her voice pitches to a singsong as she answers. ‘Go Ireland, this is Julia, how can I help?’
The rest of us do that thing where we remain silent, imagining what the voice on the other end of the line is saying.
Julia’s eyes go wide. ‘It sayswhat? On our website?Ourwebsite? That can’t be right.’ She picks up a stress ball in the shape of an orange hedgehog, hurls it at Dave. She jabs her finger at her screen repeatedly.
Dave taps at his keyboard, frowns. ‘This is nuts,’ he mutters.
Clearly Jen hasn’t been able to undo whatever Kobi did yet.
Julia finishes her call. ‘Dave, have you seen this?’
‘Looking at it now,’ he says.
‘What’s the problem?’ I regret asking as soon as I’ve said it.
I watch Julia’s eyes scan her screen. ‘The website… The text is…just…so…wrong. Where to start? It says here: “Leprechauns are a popular pet among the Irish, an extremely superstitious people. These small creatures are thought to bring good luck to the homestead.”’
‘Janey Mack,’ says Dave. ‘Check out the page about the Blarney Stone. “The Blarney Stone is believed to be a space rock deposited by aliens from the Planet Gab in the third century. Another name for the Blarney Stone is shamrock.” This doesn’t even make any sense.’
Julia laughs. ‘It says here, “The national drink of Ireland is Guinness.”’
‘Well,’ I begin, ‘that’s not far wrong.’
She interrupts. ‘It says, “The Irish are drawn to darkness. They drink Guinness at breakfast time and at bedtime to ward off evil spirits.”’
The phone buzzes again. I hear phones ring on other desks around the room.
Julia looks up at me. ‘Sorry, Maeve, I don’t know what’s going on here, but we don’t have time for you right now. You or your, your’ – she shakes her head at Kobi – ‘Tin Man.’
She shoos us away.
EIGHT
Noon
