Page 49 of Chaos Theory
Monday, 10:10am
‘Hey, Maeve, how was your weekend?’
Shane interrupts my stream of consciousness as the staff meeting ends and the shuffling dispersal of colleagues begins. I was working on my personal to-do list in my head during most of the meeting. It went something like:
Continue making progress with Kobi.
Finish all my course modules; look into getting any kind of certification.
Update my résumé.
Have a serious conversation with Josh about my career beyond Go Ireland.
Try to keep things professional with Josh.
Don’t think about Josh’s big hands, or arms, or lips…
‘Good morning,’ I say robotically, channelling Kobi. I let him have a lie-in this morning to do a full systems check.
Shane texted me a couple of times over the weekend, but I said I was busy doing coursework. We haven’t really spoken properlysince the Thursday social. A few of the gang went on to Phelan’s, but I went straight home. I didn’t like what Shane had said after the movie or the way he’d said it. I kept replaying the conversation in my head over the weekend until I eventually realised what he’d meant.
He’d meant that I make no effort with people at work. Which is a bit rich given that he makes no effort with anything at all. I’m pleasant to everyone – isn’t that enough? What’s the point in forming attachments here when I’ll soon be gone anyway? He knows that. He’s always known that. It’sShanewho’s one foot out the door at all times. At least I’m trying to do something, find something, make a place for myself. He’s the real drifter here.
‘I was busy – you know – doing my course,’ I say without meeting his eyes.
‘I think it’s great you’re doing that course.’
He’s blocking my way out of the room, or at least it feels that way. He stands right in front of me, an insurmountable obstacle, like a mountain that suddenly materialised out of the mist. I can relate to Kobi and his navigational challenges. Technically, I could just walk around Shane, but my legs are suddenly stiff, my knee joints locked and unresponsive.
‘Why, so you can be rid of me sooner?’ It was supposed to come out like banter, but there’s a harsh edge to my voice. I look up at him, meet his eyes. There’s a fluttering in my chest I don’t like. Things threaten to pass between us unspoken, but I break the gaze before they do.
‘I have to go check on Kobi now.’
He stands aside, finally. ‘Lunch today maybe? Rumour has it Keith’s Deli is now putting orange slices in sandwiches instead of tomatoes.’
