Page 71 of Chaos Theory
‘No. But a party will only be good if the women are enjoying themselves. They’re like the canaries in the coal mine – you can look that up. If the women are cold, no atmosphere. If the women are hungry, no atmosphere. If the women won’t dance, no atmosphere. If you’re at a party and a woman putsona cardigan,forget about it, you might as well go home there and then. That thing is dead as disco.’
‘Food, temperature, music – it seems fairly straightforward, Shane. Not exactly rocket science, as you yourself might say.’
‘Ha, are you mocking me? I’d like to see what kind of party you’d throw.’
He takes another balloon and blows into it.
‘I am happy to help, if I may. Perhaps I should circulate at the party and capture all of the women’s cardigans?’
The balloon flies around the room, making a wet, whirring sound.
‘No, Kobi – please don’t do that. You just focus on the lights, okay? Lights are very important.’
1450
When the room is ready, it is time for me and Shane to put on our costumes. Shane chose the outfits. All week, he has refused to disclose the details. He now produces 2 bags. From a quick scan, I detect polyester material, predominantly in 2 colours: silver and brown.
‘Any guesses?’ He unpacks the bags and lays the costumes on the table. ‘I’ll give you a hint. Think classic movies.’
‘Insufficient data,’ I say. ‘I could, however, list every movie considered a classic, even though such designations are essentially a subjective matter of opinion.’
‘You’re no fun,’ Shane says. But he says it with a smile. ‘I’ll just tell you. It’sThe Wizard of Oz. You’re the Tin Man and I’m the Scarecrow.’
He places a flimsy metal-coloured cone on my head.
I quickly parse all available data about the movie and its characters. ‘Is that how you see me? A tin man with no heart?’
It is technically accurate that I do not possess a heart, but to compare my parts to tin – a material commonly used to make cheap metal alloys – borders on insulting.
‘No, no, not at all. I mean, not really. It just made the most sense for you to be the Tin Man. Rather than me, I mean. The main thing is, we have to dress as characters from that movie.’
‘Why?’
‘Well, I think we’re still borderline in JP’s books. Our presentation went well on Monday, but we need to keep him sweet if this arrangement’ – he gestures toward me – ‘is to continue. Maeve has gotten very fond of you, you know.’
This statement pleases me enormously. ‘Thank you. But how do these costumes?—’
‘Getting to that. JP mentioned on Tuesday that his wife, Trish, is coming to the party today, and that she’s dressing up as Dorothy fromThe Wizard of Oz.He wouldn’t tell me what he was dressing as, but he said it was a couple’s costume and there was fur involved. So I’m guessing he’s coming as the Lion. So I thought?—’
‘That we should dress as the other characters? Thereby pleasing Trish, thereby implanting a positive association for us in JP’s mind?’
‘Now you’re getting it,’ Shane says. ‘Human beings are actually very easily manipulated.’
‘I wish you had told me that 5 weeks ago,’ I say.
1501
Shane looks at his watch. He expresses 2 contradictory opinions about the timing of the party. He says it is ‘criminally early’ to throw a party at 1500. However, the party is taking place during working hours – a situation Shane describes as ‘beating the system’.
‘What happens if the party continues past 1700?’ I ask him.
‘Then, my friend, we are in uncharted waters. A no man’s land of potential. Or potential badness, at least.’
If it was possible for me to shrug, I would. ‘Please clarify,’ I say.
‘Anything could happen,’ Shane says.
‘Anything could happen,’ I repeat.
