Page 13 of Claiming Ours
I bit the corner of my lip as I smiled at my phone. His obsession with feeding me should put me off, but instead I found it endearing. Not that he found me lacking because of my slight weight and nonexistent curves but because he was worried about me. Honestly, sometimes when I looked in the mirror and saw how much weight I’d lost, I worried about me too.
After responding to Liam, I set the phone down and twisted the chair side to side, deep in contemplation. If I really planned to have the much-needed awkward conversation withhim tonight, push myself past my comfort zone, I needed a solid plan.
The problem was, I did not know where to start.
Good thing I knew someone, or a few someones, who could help.
Almost thirty minutes later,still in scrubs but having changed into a clean pair that didn’t have a layer of Jubie fur, I stood outside our favorite local dive bar, Dave’s, which had the best Alaskan beers on draft and the most delicious nachos ever. My stomach growled as I tugged open the heavy, weathered wooden door, the scents of fried food and beer immediately wafting over me.
Just before I stepped over the threshold, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end as an unsettled feeling raced down my spine. Palm sealed to the center of the door to keep it open, I turned, scanning the sidewalk for what set me on edge, but noticed nothing out of the ordinary. As if knowing I was unsettled, my watch vibrated with an incoming unknown call, amplifying my paranoia.
Blowing out a calming breath, I ignored the call, shrugged off the sensation of being watched, and stepped into Dave’s, immediately spotting my friends toward the back corner, already seated around a table. Weaving through the few high-tops, I waved at Finley, whose hand shook wildly in the air to draw my attention.
“I’ve already figured it out. You’re pregnant,” she said smugly and high-fived herself.
I froze halfway between standing and sitting in one of the open wooden chairs to gape at her. “Um, what?” I fell the rest of the way into the seat and dropped my backpack to the floor.
Finley nodded and pointed at me. “I knew it. You’re not denying it.” She swung her gaze across the table to Aspen and Juno, who didn’t look convinced. To my right, Amy, Brandon’s wife, tried to muffle her laughter behind a loose fist. “Told you that was the reason for the emergency book club meeting.”
“I’m… what? Finley, what the actual fuck? Do I look pregnant?” I shrieked while patting my stomach and pulling the scrub top tighter.
Her wide smile faded.
I waved off her panicked expression, knowing she meant nothing by her very inaccurate guess for my 911 text. “No, fuck, I’m not pregnant. No way for me to be,” I grumbled at the end, not expecting anyone to hear me.
But Amy must have by the way she snorted into her pint glass. “Give her a second to breathe, Finley, for fuck’s sake. She doesn’t even have a drink yet.” She eyed me before nodding at whatever she’d just decided in her head. “I have a feeling a round of duck fart shots is in order for whatever this is all about.”
I started to protest, but she’d already pushed back from the table with a determined expression, and I knew any effort to stop the upcoming shots would be futile. With a groan, I massaged both temples, wondering if I’d only made everything worse by reaching out to them.
“Okay, Baylee,” Aspen said, folding both arms on the table. “Calista can’t be here, something about not having a babysitter and not wanting to bring a kid to a bar. So, with us all here who answered the emergency call, this book club meeting is now in session. What’s going on?”
“I don’t know where to start,” I complained, suddenly nervous. Not once since I moved here had I really opened upabout my life before Anchor Bay. Sure, the women around the table and the guys in our community knew of Dean, that he was my fiancé and died in combat, but that was it. It wasn’t until talking with Aiden today that I realized keeping all my worries, fears, and confusing emotions inside was actually doing me more harm than good.
I knew these women, trusted them. Not a single one around the table would judge or gossip about me. We were family at this point, and I needed to lean on them for support if I had any hope of surviving.
“Then start from the beginning.” Five full shot glasses were carefully placed in the middle of the scuffed wooden table. Grabbing one, Amy motioned for the rest of us to follow suit. After tapping the rim of her glass with all of ours, she pressed the edge to her lips and tossed it back.
Knowing this was a terrible decision but doing it anyway, I downed my shot, wiping the remnants from my lips and using the few moments while the others did the same to get my chaotic thoughts together.
“I knew I wanted to marry Dean the moment I saw him,” I said, staring at the empty glass twirling along the table as I twisted it between my fingers. “We were just stupid kids at the time, but I still knew he was it for me. But….” I grabbed Amy’s half-full pint glass and took a sip, knowing she wouldn’t mind. “I also wanted to go to college to one day become a vet. From my first pet, I knew that was what I wanted to be, and I also knew it would take years to reach my goal.”
Appearing out of nowhere, a pint glass filled to the brim with liquid gold was placed on the table in front of me. I shot Finley a thankful smile as she folded her tall, lean body into the chair beside me.
“I was the one who wanted to wait to get married,” I shared. The words just bubbled out of me, no hope of stopping now thatI had started. “I was so focused on my goals, what needed to be done to get there, and thought we had a whole life, a long future together to make up for the wait.” Tipping the glass back, I downed half the beer before setting it back on the table. “Dean didn’t know what he wanted to do out of high school, so he decided to join the Army, thinking it would be a good way for him to make some money and get his future college paid for, all while waiting for me while I went to school in Texas.” Unshed tears burned in my throat. “He didn’t want to follow me to A&M, something about not wanting to be a distraction while I worked hard for my dreams. Dean was great like that, always thinking about me first.
“The long-distance thing was hard on both of us, but we made it work. I saw him when I came home during breaks if he wasn’t deployed, but then I got a steady internship during the breaks and stopped coming home altogether. Even still, he understood and didn’t resent me doing what I needed to do. He wanted my lifelong dream to become a reality. He was so supportive of everything. Even the sex thing,” I whispered while flicking my gaze around the table.
Juno, who had been quiet up to this point, raised her hand with a confused expression. “Um, am I the only one lost right now?Whatsex thing?” Her gaze darted to the other women, no doubt hoping everyone else was as confused as she was.
“I wanted to wait until we were married,” I admitted quickly, then took a gulp of cold beer to calm my nerves.
“To have sex?” Finley probed. At my hesitant nod, she pressed her lips into a tight line. “Um, okay, that’s your choice. You do you, boo, and nothing to be ashamed of like you look right now, but why?”
I raised my shoulders in a noncommittal shrug. At this point, I even questioned myself, knowing now what I didn’t then. If I would’ve known our time would be cut short, I wouldn’t havewaited for that intimate connection with Dean, but I didn’t, and now here I was, a late-twenties virgin.
“Dean and I came from a small town in Kansas, about the size of Anchor Bay, actually. It’s super old-school, very religious, and there was a piece of me that was too afraid of….” I trailed off and looked away, not wanting to finish the statement. It made me sound as selfish as I felt now.
Amy reached out and placed a comforting hand on my forearm. “You were afraid of what would happen to your goals if you got pregnant,” she finished for me, clearly understanding.
