Page 30 of Chasing Chase London: Part 8-Valentines Day
“I don’t really want to be a part of that,” I say.
“Too bad, because you are a part of it. Just to be sure we’re clear though, you and Chase will never happen. Chase and Lindsey have dated off and on since they were five years old. They will always get back together. They belong together. You get that, right?”
“Oh my god, I wasn’t thinking about thatat all,” I protest. “Do you honestly think I’d do that to Lindsey?”
She’s in pieces after finding out that he slept with Elaine. Once. While drunk. A long time ago. I don’t know if she’d survive seeing him date someone else.
Besides, I’ve accepted the truth. My love for Chase will always be one sided. He will always love Lindsey more. Even if by some miracle they did break up for good, I could never do that to Lindsey. The pain in my chest is sickening when I even think about it.
“Oh, it’s not you I’m worried about,” Daria says, seemingly restored to her former self. Maybe all she needed was Lindsey’s forgiveness. With Lindsey on her side, the rest doesn’t look so bad. She never really liked Elaine that much anyway, and I guess she’ll cut her losses with Colin. Either that or she’s hatching some secret plot to murder them both in their sleep.
At school, we sit on the wall behind the gym, Daria chattering away as usual. I think about the last time we met Chase out here, when Daria told me Todd could fall in love with me. So much for that. I remember Chase’s hand on my leg, and Daria’s reaction. She’s always been there for me. It makes me feel awful that she had to pick up the pieces on her own this week. She’s recovering a lot better than Lindsey, no thanks to me.
Chase is standing in front of us before I even see him coming. I’d been lost in reverie.
“I need to talk to you,” he says to Daria.
He doesn’t even glance at me. It’s like I really am invisible. My heart crumples.
Daria gives me a knowing smile. “I’m telling him,” she whispers, starting to get down from the wall.
“Don’t,” I say, pulling her back. I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing her knocked back down. She’s just pulled herself up. Now that the torturous week of seeing her so broken is over, I know how strong she really is, though she’s more sensitive than she lets on. I also know how much influence Chase has at this school, as much as Lindsey and maybe more, since he also influences Lindsey.
The thought of him being angry at Daria, freezing her out, is unbearable. She doesn’t seem concerned, though. She hops down from the wall, ignoring me when I try to dissuade her again. With a gleeful little wave, she follows Chase around the side of the gym. I don’t stick around to eavesdrop. Every time Chase ignores me, it’s a slap in the face, and I feel sick with sorrow. I know it’s my fault for busting his lip and not even stopping to ask if he was okay, but it still hurts.
I’m not worried that he’ll upset Daria, so there’s no reason to stay. I’m only afraid that he’ll turn Lindsey against her, and that won’t happen while they’re broken up.
At my locker, I retrieveThe Scarlet Letter. One tiny triangle of the torn picture flutters to the floor. I keep finding them in my stuff, even after I cleaned my locker. Scraps of the homecoming picture, torn into a hundred little pieces. I slip this one into the sandwich bag with the rest and head to class. A few other people are there, but as long as Chase’s former seat is empty, I feel a loneliness, like my skin physically misses the warmth of his. Like there’s a vacuum next to me, a huge invisible hole in the universe, a dark, cold nothingness where once a sun brilliantly shone.
I listen to a playlist he sent me while I work on my assignment, aching with guilt and depression. It’s good music to go with my conflicted state of mind. The day has become a dull pain creeping towards numbness by the time lunch rolls around. I trudge toward my locker, thinking vaguely about Daria and hoping she’s okay since I haven’t heard from her.
I spin the dial on my combination, then pull open my locker to get my lunch.
A cascade of blue flowers bursts from within. They pour out, raining over me, spilling onto the floor, into my arms. I leap back in surprise, but before I can turn, a pair of arms scoops me up, swirling me around and around until I’m dizzy and can’t stop myself from laughing. The momentum almost sends me tumbling out of his arms, so I grab onto Chase’s neck. His eyes are sparkling with joy, his body warm and hard against mine, his mouth stretching into a wide smile.
“What—what is all this?” I ask, dazed by the sudden outpouring of affection after a week of frozen nothingness.
“Forgive me?” he asks, giving me the most ridiculous, exaggerated puppy dog eyes I’ve ever seen.
“Yes,” I say, still laughing, dizzy, overwhelmed. “I forgive you. I was never even mad at you. I thought you were mad atme.”
He sets me back on my feet on the carpet of crushed flowers surrounding us. Then he leans a hand against the locker beside me, completely casual, like he stuffs people’s lockers to the very brim with flowers every day, and it’s just another Monday for him.
But his Cheshire smile says he’s delighted with himself.
It’s the way he used to smile, and it makes me nearly sob with relief. My knees wobble like they may not hold me up. I tell myself it’s the dizziness from being spun around, not the intensity, not the power of that smile, like a sun shining just for me.
I turn towards my locker, every surface of which is covered with blue flowers and blue petals. It’s like something out of a fairy tale.He’slike something out of fairytale. He reaches out and plucks a petal from my hair, then slides his fingers through my long, straight strands.
“Guess there are certain advantages to this new style,” he says, tugging gently. The rush of sensation that floods through my entire body nearly knocks me to my knees. My head spins faster, and I grab onto the locker door so I don’t combust into a puddle of jelly.
Chase slides his arms around me from behind and rests his chin on my shoulder. His embrace tightens around my middle, his thumb caressing my side. Probably no one else can even see it, but it’s the most indecent thing in the entire world. Things are happening to my body that should not be legal.
“Chase?” I whisper.
“Sky Blue?”
“What are you doing?”
