Page 64 of Absinthe Dreams
“Speaking of which, I got some shit to check and we can be on our way, yeah?” Chainsaw looked at me, and I looked at him, nodding happily.
“Bet,” I said, and he let me go and went up a flight of stairs at the back to what looked like some kind of office or control room at the far back corner.
Hex looked me over. “Ain’t never seen Chainsaw take to a lady the way he’s taken to you,” he said.
I nodded and said, “I feel the same way about him.”
He nodded, “Just checkin’.”
I smiled at him and nodded knowingly, and he gave me a wink.
In a brotherhood such as an MC, it wasn’t always sunshine and roses. It was a hard life spent threading the needle, or more accurately,splitting lanesbetween two worlds. Usually equally as dangerous.
I wasn’t a fool. I knew the price to be paid, loving a man like Chainsaw. I thought that I never wanted something like this, but the longer I was away from it, the more I found myself longing for a love that felt like home.
I wasn’t sure if that made me a fool or not.
Right now, I was splitting lanes myself, between past and present, blazing my own trail into an unknown future, but one that I wanted and wasso easyto picture with Chainsaw, it wasn’t even funny.
We hung out a bit longer, then called it a day with the plan to go grab something for dinner on the way back to the house. Neither of us really felt like cooking, and lunch had been light.
We stopped at an Italian place, the food rich and delicious and family-owned. I was pretty sure it wasfamily-owned, as in run by the mob – and said nothing when the manager, who carried the same last name as the hand-painted classic gold lettering on the door, stopped by our table at the end of the meal with complimentary spumoni ice cream for dessert. I said nothing and pretended I didn’t see when he leaned down to clap Chainsaw on the back, and a manila envelope with a brick of cash was slipped from the inside pocket of the manager’s suit jacket to the inside pocket of Chainsaw’s cut.
It bothered me, sure, but I wasn’t sure thebusinessitself between the club and this place is what got to me, as much as the fact that Chainsaw would do it right in front of me. Usually, that stuff was kept harder on the down-low… at least it had been when I was growing up.
I remember the time one of my “uncles” had me ride my bike down to the corner store and collect an envelope like that. When my mother found out about it, she had had a screaming fit and had called the prison where my father was. She’d gone down to it for an in-person visit the next week and had gone without us, which my brother, River, had beenpissedabout that.
Usually, he and I were close, but he had gotten downright savagely angry with me for telling Mom and making it so we couldn’t go see Dad. He’d told me, when it came to things like that, to keep my mouthshut, but I didn’twantto. I didn’t want to get caught doing anything bad – I
“Hey.” I snapped out of my memory when Chainsaw’s hand covered mine.
“What’s wrong?” he demanded.
I forced a cheerful smile and told the truth, “I just remembered something, is all… Can we talk about it later? At home?”
He nodded and said, “Sure, babe. We can talk about whatever you want, whatever you need, whenever and wherever you want. Thanks for letting me know.”
I nodded, relieved, but still dreaded the conversation anyway.
I was quiet and a bit nervous on the ride home. I didn’t want this to be our first fight – but Ididneed to establish some boundaries about some things. I was afraid he’d pitch a fit, or wouldn’t listen, but almost as soon as we got in the door and locked out the outside world, he caught me by the waist and turned me to face him.
“Okay, we’re home. You wanna tell me what that was about?”
I took a deep breath and told him about the childhood memory, about how to this day it had affected me, and I set the boundary.
“I can respect your life, and what it is you guys are doing or not doing, as the case may be – but please, when it comes to anything like that again, just not in my presence if we can help it?”
He searched my face, amused, and nodded slowly.
“Okay, first of all, I owe you an apology.” He was earnest in the way he looked at me.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I needed to pick up the rest of my payment, and I’m sorry I didn’t explain that nothing underhanded was going on there. I know how it looked, but I was legit just getting the rest of my pay. And yeah, it was under the table, but I took down a storm-damaged tree in the yard of Tony’s Nonna’s house, and I did it on the side, and as a favor at an extremely cut-rate. It was all above board – it was just enough money we didn’t need to go flashing it around. While I won’tdeny the club sometimes doesothernot-so-above-board shit for their family and its establishment? It wasn’t this time.”
I relaxed my shoulders and said, “Now I feel like an asshole.”
He laughed and shook his head.
“No, baby. I get how you grew up, and that shit could, would, and did get sticky for your dad and his brothers, and that the shit spilled over onto his family and such. What you’re asking isn’t a big ask. You got a lot riding on staying under the radar for any of our dealings.”
